Lexie’s Birthday Skee Ball Machine

Every year Lexie asks for a Skee Ball machine for her birthday. When she first asked for one in 2016 I told her it was a bad idea.

In 2017 I said it was a terrible idea.

In 2018 we had a newborn and she forgot to ask inside the shipping window which really worked out well for me.

In 2019 I acted like I couldn’t hear her and she got mad.

In 2020 we had another newborn and the pandemic to distract us. I think I said “it’s just not the right time” and ironically it probably was the right time but it worked.

In 2021 there were supply chain issues and Skee Ball machines probably weren’t available.

Unfortunately it’s now 2022 and she’s posted about it on my Facebook again. I can’t tell if the post is a request or a threat, and deep down I’m not sure she really wants a Skee Ball machine because Facebook is not her preferred method of communication (see Insta and TikTok), but alas, I value my marriage.

We’ve talked about how a Skee Ball machine will likely result in broken windows (doesn’t care). We’ve talked about how it’s noisy and would have to be directly beneath the little girls’ room (doesn’t care but don’t you dare step on the creaky step after 8 pm!). We’ve talked about how she already has a Margaritaville machine that she’s only used once in 6 years (doesn’t care). We’ve talked about how a Skee Ball machine would require her to spend time downstairs near the laundry room (not sure that one has registered yet…).

Coincidentally, we had a similar set of conversations when she 1) wanted a dog, 2) wanted a new piano, 3) wanted a new child (twice), and 4) wanted a French Dip sandwich when she was pregnant. I did not prevail in any of those conversations and worry a similar fate awaits me here, hence the crowdfunding (I’m still paying for that French Dip sandwich…).

To make this worth your while, there are naming opportunities (imagine a beautiful plaque with your name and an insult “you can’t even roll straight!”), invitation-only tournaments, and even TikTok videos where Lexie will personally challenge/thank you (I haven’t actually mentioned this to her yet).

All surplus funds will go into a new window fund because I know we’ll need at least one when a certain 2 year-old finds the balls.