Help support Mom Letty Macias's funeral service

"But I just want to feel pretty again! like I used to be..." mommy said to me over the phone the day when she announced her upcoming gastric bypass (GB) surgery. "Mom, you're so beautiful, have always been, & will always be" I responded to her, as I begged her to reconsider the risky operation. Mom was a Queen; you'll never catch mom out w/o her best attire as the diva that she was. Sadly, issues w/health, trauma and mental illness caused her to struggle w/weight & self-image over the yrs. Mom believed that GB surgery would help her achieve her life purpose & be remembered for being a healthy/active "Ela."

On February 19th, 2024, mom underwent a gastric bypass surgery & was discharged home the following day. On February 21st, she was suddenly found unresponsive after having collapsed on the sofa, and was immediately hospitalized for surgical complications, in the ICU. She was on life support for respiratory failure & this would only the beginning of the several other issues to come...

"Mom will come out of this, she's strong & will be home in no time" we said to ourselves. Days turned into weeks & mom became more & more frail. While others wish for the world, we simply wanted mom to open her eyes & wake up. "Give me a sign," we thought as tears fell from our eyes. "I'd do anything to hear mom say that she loves me, one last time. But I'll accept her simply waking up," something we often times take for granted, including myself. As the days went by, we gently sang to her, gave her gentle massages, whispered in her ear to remind her how much we loved her, as we caressed her face, so that she can feel our love. Mom suddenly opened her those big hazel eyes after 1.5 weeks, & we immediately jumped up or joy! It was literally the most beautiful sight I've ever seen in my entire life. "Mom's finally getting better!" we thought to ourselves, preparing ways to spoil her even more when she gets home! Mom began to communicate with us through her body language; blinking, giving us her little thumb up, and moving her neck to dance, just to see us smile & make us feel better. We danced the night away, her w/her vent & all...we shared lots of hugs & kisses (she did it through her eyes <3) & saw mom shed a tear. There were no dry eyes in that room! Little did we know, this would be the last time we'd dance w/mom. I'll never forget that last interactive memory...

...But mom wasn't better... As usual, mama bear wanted to protect us & did her best to hide all the pain. She knew her days were limited. The following day, she turned for the worse. She suddenly had a PEG tube placed in her tummy (tube feeding)... There was something off about mom since that time. Her eyes were open but reacted erratically, shaking, and in visible pain. It was as if she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but couldn't even open her mouth. She felt trapped in her own body and wanted out... Out of this world of pain she was in, as she fought to rip her tubes off, with the morsel of energy she had left. The following weeks, one infection turned into another, then a worse one. In no time, she had practically no immune system and needed renal (kidney) dialysis. Her organs began to fail. She then had a trache (tube in neck) placed for continued respiratory failure, and ultimately, multiorgan failure.

We didn't want to let go, we couldn't let go! We were conflicted with "But mom's supposed to come home w/us!" "No, loving her means letting her rest, she's telling us w/her eyes, pleading for our mercy," "but look, she smiled at us and opened her eyes, there's hope!" In the end, "it's okay mom, you've been very strong...you can rest now..." was the hardest mindset to accept. How do you not feel like you're giving up, but also not feel as if you're being selfish?

On 4/12, mom was "transitioning" and suddenly had no reaction to any stimuli. Dr's recommended hospice to keep her comfortable, as they've done all they could. However, ultimately, her little heart was too weak to handle it all. On April 13th, she suffered 2 cardiac arrests... That dreaded day had arrived. The day that mom waited so long for... The day that, out of love, we felt relief, for her, that she will no longer have to prolong the inevitable, through the incredible pain she was in, having been drowned out by the heavy sedation, given to her out of mercy.

Mom is now sleeping and is no longer in pain, is what gets us through our days. Mommy may not have felt as beautiful on the outside, but her immense love for her family, & her strength to live until the very end, was more than sufficient to convince us otherwise. I only hope to be half as strong as she was, w/ her will to live for her & her family, until her very last breath. Mom "Ela," you'll be missed by your grandkids Izzy, Tee Tee, your Yolita, "Elo", David ("Son!"), your siblings & other loved ones. I'd give everything to continue to be at her side, to share the love w/one another, and so that she could watch the kids grow up.

Mom found herself again & allowed herself to enjoy life to the fullest. She wanted her newfound inner beauty to also shine outwardly. Mom was a loving, affectionate & nurturing "Ela" (abuela/gma) to her grandkids/family, but was also incredibly strong, fierce. She reached 1 year abstinence from smoking and other unhealthy vices, while also focused on her mental health and God. I was so proud of her strength and efforts.

For those that believe going under the knife is needed to prove your beauty, remember that beauty is felt from within, starting with you. The you that YOU learn to accept and love, which will also reflect how others accept and love you. <3

Funeral services to celebrate her life will take place on Wednesday, April 17th. Unfortunately, the funeral services from her sudden death are costly, and we would really appreciate any help we can get to provide mom with a beautiful and dignified farewell. If you're interested in attending, please feel free to reach out to me for more details.

Thank you