Lend a hand of support to the family of Dakota (Pode) Stark

Hello, my name is Philicity. This Christmas was not the anticipated day I've always loved since I was a little kid. This year, the man I loved took himself from us. He leaves behind so many broken hearts, so many people lost in their minds about what they could have done. I know I am. Five children proudly called him their father. The impact this will forever leave on their little lives is almost too much to bear. He was such a hardworking, driven, and determined man. He knew what he wanted out of life and he sought to find the peace he deserved. Life never has the answers to the biggest impacts sometimes. Sometimes the things that have no logic really leave the biggest questions. Why did he think this would make it better? Why didn't he think of his children? Why didn't he reach out?

More personally, what could I have done to stop this? What did I do that impacted the negative feelings he already had and continued to suffer with unknowingly to everyone who loved him? I won't ever have these answers. I have to accept that. Life isn't fair and it most certainly doesn't make sense sometimes. I know I have to live, and the only thing I can do is have him live through me. Everything he wanted to do, every ounce of love he had for his babies, because he loved them all more than anything, I will make my life's mission to be their supporter until I'm called home to be with my love again. His mother has always done for her son what she could. He suffered in ways that only one person had the power to change: himself. He didn't see his self-worth. It's so absolutely important to me that I try to get that message to anyone I meet. Anyone I come across, I hope to spread love and not be the reason someone second guesses themselves and their worth, or their right to love, be loved, and to be happy. Everyone deserves that. His family accepted me from day one, never made me or my son feel left out. He always told me that they would always love me too. He was right. I can't stay where this happened; our children need me to be okay. I am trying, but his mother has held her arms open and let me in, let me cry out loud because the questions no one can answer are so loud in my head. She has given me the space I need too. Our baby isn't even 2 yet. He really was the start of better beginnings for both of us, but I know the day will come that he will realize the loss and it is almost more than I can bear the thought of. I had so many years to get 'US' right. I really needed him to stick through, but I can't imagine the pain he felt if this was even an option in his reality. He never wanted to leave these souls he brought here. He tried for years to keep himself together. I thought we would get through all the hard stuff first and live forever after, with acceptance and understanding, and then we would die old and gray with nothing left to regret. But that's not my story. My story is a sad and most unfortunate one. But he never would have wanted the extra strain on his loved ones, to struggle to make it possible to lay him to rest, to give him what he truly deserves, because we couldn't in life. How hard of a feeling to bear, to say goodbye to a son, a father, a brother, an uncle, and a best friend. Everyone deserves to have their loved one laid to rest regardless of the price, but on top of letting him go, we are sorrowed by the reality of giving the best to the one that didn't know he was the best to all of us. I wholeheartedly want to be able to help his mother and sister and brother give him what he deserves and her not to think she is battling in her head what she can afford and what her son would deserve as anyone would for their loved one. Every penny counts in my book, every little bit matters, and every dollar raised in his honor is the best feeling. To see that he did mean so much to everyone, even those who don't personally know him or those who weren't blessed to encounter his soul. Being young and having children to care for is hard enough, let alone not knowing how I'm gonna live alone again, with both my boys relying on me and my mental state to go on. Our other three children that don't get to be comforted by me or his family, it's just another raindrop in this storm of many, many rainfalls. He did what he could and it still wasn't good enough. He paid more than $1,000 EVERY MONTH and that was fine; he wanted to support his children. But eventually, the reality of not having them when he was supposed to and being powerless to do anything about it really brings some dark, dark thoughts to someone that already had so much suffering. He was a unique character to say the least. If you were close to him, he was Pode, not Dakota, but to me and his mama, he was Dakota Lee, one of a kind, not another quite like him.

Thank you for taking the time to hear another human's sorrows. Remember, paying it forward always pays off. He didn't see the power of positivity for what it is. He tried and said we all make it seem so easy. He was more powerful than he believed and unfortunately, the things he told himself were just as powerful. Let's honor him and show him and others that the POWER OF POSITIVITY IS REAL AND IT STARTS WITH YOU!

- Philicity (a broken soul trying to keep hope that all things have a purpose and even if it hurts more than any physical pain, there is a reason for everything that happens)