Why I Am Asking for Legal Help

I am seeking financial support to obtain legal representation so I can finally secure a divorce and ensure ongoing legal protection for myself and my children.

During my marriage, I experienced severe domestic violence and coercive control. Over time, I discovered that my husband had been voyeuristically exploiting me using hidden cameras, sexually explicit recordings, surveillance of my daily life, and tracking devices. This occurred while he was having multiple affairs, including one with the care provider from my last pregnancy.

Throughout the marriage, I was not allowed to work or attend school. I did not fully understand that I was a victim of assault and domestic violence. I was subjected to more than a decade of gaslighting that caused me to question my memory, my sanity, and my perception of reality. He exploited my illness, and for years I felt persistently drugged and sedated, a condition that did not lift until 2021.

In 2021, I attempted to leave after Marysville SWAT was called in response to a suicide threat involving a firearm while my children were present with him. At that point, I had no financial means to support myself or my children. I began schooling in midwifery so I could eventually earn a living wage in a way that accommodated my children’s needs.

Instead of being able to safely leave, I agreed to a live-in separation. Strict boundaries were put in place for my safety by a multidisciplinary team of medical providers—those treating his addictions and compulsive behaviors, and those treating my complex PTSD resulting from years of trauma and abuse.

At the time, I did not understand that my children were also being used as leverage. I told him I would only remain if lie detector tests confirmed he had not harmed the children. I later learned that such tests are unreliable in individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial traits under a rule-out diagnosis, as they do not experience typical guilt or emotional responses to harm.

Between the stalking, his financial ability to take the children from me, his use of firearms during conflict, and repeated suicide threats whenever I tried to leave, I never truly escaped.

The situation escalated further when he began using my elderly family members to control me. When my mother became ill and died, she suddenly disclosed to me that he had assaulted her. That disclosure marked a turning point. I realized I could no longer allow him to control my safety or my life and that he was also a danger to others, and I told him I would go to the police with what evidence I do have which was only of crimes against me.

Only then did he agree to divorce me—on the condition that I not report him. He convinced me that he would escape accountability, telling me that most of my evidence came from a time when he "got away with it," that the statute of limitations had expired, and that I had failed to protect myself. At that time, I believed I was choosing safety and freedom and that the children were not at risk.

Once the paperwork was signed and submitted, his behavior escalated rapidly. He refused to feed the children while they were in his care. He controlled whether I could leave the property. He caused life-threatening “car issues,” including loosening the bolts on my tires (which he had done before but pretended just happened). He chased me to and from my vehicle, broke into my dwelling, stole toiletries, clothing, and sanitary supplies, leaving me with no sanitary napkins and no funds to obtain any during my cycles. He stalked me and forced me to barricade myself inside my home with furniture as he attempted to break in.

My children later told me that once I was no longer present during his parenting time, his behavior turned toward them. My son returned from visits altered and vomiting each time. With no other immediate option to protect us, I filed for a Domestic Violence Protection Order—despite years of threats throughout our marriage that he “would not let me go” or he would kill himself if I left.

After the order was served and I regained access to the family home, I found it in complete disrepair. There were holes in the walls, fecal matter throughout the home, and written confessions left in his office. These included admissions of assaulting neighbors, other victims, a minor, and statements detailing what he had done to me. I provided this information to law enforcement and submitted the majority of it to the court. One such admission is pictured.

The danger to my children and me was deemed serious enough that a judge in Snohomish County, Washington granted a Domestic Violence Protection Order, ordered weapon surrender, and restricted him to supervised visitation only at a secure, monitored facility with trained staff. The court also placed my children and me into Washington State’s Address Confidentiality Program to protect our location.

While the ACP is essential for safety, it came with devastating consequences. We were left homeless, living out of a car. This program is reserved for survivors facing credible threats and requires documented findings of danger. It exists so victims can participate in legal proceedings without revealing their physical location.

Although the protection order reduced immediate danger, it did not resolve the larger legal reality: after fighting for my life and freedom since 2021, I am still not divorced.

For the past year, I have attempted to navigate the legal system without adequate representation, relying on guidance from domestic violence legal advocacy organizations such as the Justice Project. However, the local commissioner overseeing my divorce—where my children and I now reside after fleeing for safety due to being stalked with an Apple AirTag—has so far denied finalization of my divorce, citing legal hoops I didn't know to jump through that legal aid never spoke of...

Before the abuse fully escalated and before I understood the depth of my lived reality, we signed a CR2A agreement. Despite my later withdrawal of joinder, my efforts to litigate, and the issuance of a DVPO, the commissioner continues to rely on that agreement. This is not a minor issue. This agreement grants him 43% custody—despite his own admissions of predatory behavior, assault, voyeurism, and victimization of multiple women and at least one child.

During this time, my spouse has evaded child support, abandoned the children, failed to attend legally granted visitations for over six months, and used delay, absence, and control of marital assets as leverage. He took control of the family home while we were under ACP protection, only to abandon it—leaving me with no funds and no means to support my children beyond sheer force of will.

I have moved forward with my life. I am in a serious relationship and have another child on the way. However, this unresolved legal entanglement places my unborn child at risk due to Washington State laws and undermines my current relationship. I remain financially and legally bound despite every effort to resolve this. This impacts taxes, education, bills, debts, stability—EVERYTHING.

This prolonged legal limbo has created instability and sustained stress for my children and me. Protection orders are vital, but they do not finalize divorces, establish permanent custody protections, or resolve complex financial and property issues. They also expire, and service for different matters affects my safety as I can serve him as requested for divorce proceedings, but when the protection order expires, I will have to find him to have him served, and he is in the wind and scored high on the lethality scale for domestic violence. Without an attorney, I am attempting to navigate a system that was never designed for survivors—especially when the other party refuses to engage in good faith.

I am asking for help now because I have reached the absolute limit of what I can do alone.

Funds raised will be used to retain a qualified family law attorney who can:

Move my divorce forward to completion

Draft and file legally sound documents to protect my children and me

Address custody, support, and safety-related issues

Ensure that court orders are enforceable and lasting

This request is not about punishment or revenge. It is about safety, stability, and closure. It is about finally being able to move forward and give my children the security they deserve.

Any support—whether financial or by sharing this fundraiser—is deeply appreciated. Thank you for helping us take the next step toward safety and resolution.