hello good friends,

it's with a heavy heart that i share the news that my dad has died yesterday at 3:34pm, barely on his 4th day of palliative care, having to cut his chemo treatment hopes short at infusion no. 2, from pancreatic cancer that got suddenly aggressive.

this past spring, dad had to have an open skull surgery to remove two aneurisms in his brain while travelling in south korea. so when my parents returned to canada, i was quite relieved- that they could both get better, as mom also had a surgery there.

however, shortly after his return, his diabetic symptoms got worse; he's built like me, nothing really extra, and was still doing 100 pushups a day. and my mom did her very best to accommodate his diet, but in early september, he was near unconscious and was rushed to birchmount hospital.

while he was getting treated for diabetic acute ketoacidosis, we learned that he had a mass on his pancreas- it was cancer. that was just 136 days ago.

from october onward, after much waiting- it was a month, but felt longer, he started his first treatment: radiation at sunnybrook. after 5 rounds, we were introduced to north york general hospital for chemo.

he was so ready to work hard on recovery. he ate well, exercised, and did all he could do, to build up his stamina while he waited for the call from the chemo department.

in mid-dec, we started chemo, and he had his first infusion. but by the time he had his second infusion, he spiked a fever, and had to be admitted. on december 8th, while at ER, he got his first paracentesis to drain newly developed ascites, and we drained 3+ litres.

since then, cancer decided to take him over aggressively. he walked into the ER on 8th, and wondered when he could go home. but by weekend of 16-18th of january, he got drastically worse, and i felt that i had to say my goodbye on monday of 17th, as he started to slip away from us.

we signed up on palliative care on 21st wednesday, as he was barely consious, and did not have any strength left. the way the cancer took over was truly violent and i found it terrifying to watch- seeing the horror and pain in his eyes, that will stay with me to the end of my days.

during this time, mom and i made sure someone stayed with him the whole time. my parents got married in 1977, and they've been inseparable.

*granny birthday visit back on 2020 july

but despite all our love, he slipped into coma on late thursday, and on sunday, at 334pm, i felt that i had to make some room for mom and dad, and while i stepped aside for 3 minutes, he made his very effort to communicate with mom, and then left us.

initially, my mom and dad talked intensively about donation their bodies to the medical research. and that was all in the arrangement.

but this sudden spiral to death shattered my mom's heart, and she asked if we could please, reverse that decision, and have his body for the funeral. as POA, after much thinking, i decided that if that is what she needed to survive beyond his death, i thought that is the right thing to do.

*momdad at their 60th birthday party with friends

during this past 3 weeks, as things got suddenly worse, we had to rush through much paperwork, and i did not get a chance to find out how their finances are. yet here we are. mom, as a traditional wife, has depended on dad for all financial organization, and he ran out of time when cancer took an ugly, vicious turn, and there is no clear trail to create a cash flow for this immediate time

we thought we had a little more time.

but we did not.

the change of plan from body donation to burial within their church community has escalated the need for funds. we've met with church community and funeral director, and we are looking at 15,000 for funeral services, casket, burial procedure and preparation at the cemetery, organization of funeral flowers and other expenses. because dad was planning on body donation, this extra fund has not been organized, and theres simply not enough time to search- esp if it's out there in s korea.

the wake will take place on wed evening, and funeral will be on for thursday morning, 11am at St. Andrew Kim Catholic Church 토론토 성 김안드레아 성당 (한맘 성당), 849 Don Mills Rd, North York.

and in order to wrap up mom and dad's life in south korea, i am going to need to take a month off, and travel with her to south korea, and figure out their legal and financial matters. this is also unexpected, as he was in process or organizing. but he simply did not get the time to explain things to me or my mom. the flights are long and expensive, and we will also find a place to stay while we do the research in s korea.

*january 12, he was still bright. only two weeks ago. we didnt know that we would have him with mental clarity for only another short week.

so many of you have asked if you could help.

so i am opening our situation to you.

if you could help my mom to have a closing to her lifelong love, and become alone- a reborn process, a painful and lonely one, i would be very thankful.

my parents are ordinary people. but their love certainly wasnt ordinary.

the amount of care and pathos i witnessed in last 3 weeks, as us three constantly juggle dad's pain, suffering, and our own impending losses, as my brother, michael, did his best to help, i learned that it's the ordinary persons who creates exemplary love, and that's what connects everyone into this living web of connections and creations, and loss and death- and we go on.

*2019 may, when granny was still with us

in our family, we've buried our little brother, and granny already. my mom's just lost her biggest love of her life.

the unexpected funeral cost, and the impending trip cost, is heavy to bear due to lack of cash flow, especially as i have yet to start to unravel where things are. i appreciate your generosity, and i am grateful for your compassion, in making this life-altering transition with a little more grace and ease, a little more humane for my mother, as she grieve.

if you rather send an e-transfer directly to avoid gofundme fee, please reach out to me directly.

i would be glad to talk to you.

thank you for your consideration.