Hello friends & family. I really want to share my heart with you guys & let you in on some stuff that’s been happening in my life. Recently, God has been doing a bunch of healing in my heart & stirring & bringing up some old stuff that I have had buried for years & years.
 
God recently showed me that I have an issue in trusting Him with finances or trusting Him to provide for me. I’ve always been one of those people that have worked hard & have earned my way, paid for things myself. I never wanted to be a burden & I thought there was something negative about asking others for help or for money. Not that I thought that about others who did, it was only for myself.
 
I’ve also recently discovered, that because of issues of having low self-worth or low value for myself that I also never wanted to ask for help or tell people my needs because I didn’t think I was worthy enough. That I didn’t matter.  
 
I’ve always looked at other people who God has blessed with finances & miracles & I’ve thought wow, good for them, that’s great. But I always had this thing in my heart, that this was something that happened to other people, but wouldn’t happen for me. I didn’t realize, but for most of my life I have listened to lies saying that I’m invisible, that I’m not seen & that I have no value.
 
7 years ago, when I was 22 years old, (I’m 29 now) I had a deep, deep desire & hunger to go to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, California. I really feel like God put it on my heart & was calling me to go. And for international students, it can be very expensive as you’re not allowed to work or earn money. So, you essentially have to have money for school, travel & all your living costs. I’ve heard it costs students between $20-$30,000. Which is just massive in my brain.
 
I remember when I was 22 saying to myself “Leah, this is an impossible dream! You are never going to go! This is something that other people will get to experience, but not you. You need to get over this.” Even just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes & I want to cry. My poor little heart.
 
So, I squashed it. I squashed the dream of going to BSSM. I killed any hope that I had. And every year for the last 7 years I have had so many people come up to me saying, “Leah you should go to Bethel.” Dozens & dozens of people, & my response has always been “I don’t feel to.” And recently the Holy Spirit challenged me on that. I felt Him say, “You don’t feel to? Leah, you don’t let yourself feel. Also, you haven’t even asked Me.”
 
BAM. That hit me.
 
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my brother & my best friend who have both just gotten back from Bethel & from our conversation, something in me broke. I also had someone close in my life offer me some money towards Bethel & immediately I was like, “No. That’s too kind of you. Don’t waste your money on me, I’m not worth it, don’t invest in me.” That person made me promise to think about & for the next few days, I allowed myself to crack open the door, just a tiny bit. To allow myself the opportunity to think about Bethel. And to be completely honest with you all, it’s absolutely overwhelming & terrifying. I pretty much cried for nearly 2 weeks straight & felt like I was slightly insane.
 
After a few days of having the Bethel door cracked open in my heart, I began to let myself think about the possibility of maybe going next year. Guys, this was a massive step for me to even let myself go to this place of thinking. I thought to myself, this will give me time to save money, to prepare things, etc. And then of course I felt God say to me, apply for this year Leah. As in less than 2 months away! My first reaction was, “God are you insane? It’s impossible!” Then I proceeded to tell God my long list of all the reasons why it wasn’t possible & why I shouldn’t go (I had a really long list). Just a couple of those things was lack of finances, lack of time to prepare, my family, my job, my responsibilities, etc. I also had a whole bunch of other ones too.
 
And I felt God say so sweetly, “I’m not telling you to go Leah, I’m inviting you.” He was so gentle & He was giving me a choice in this. And again, I started telling Him how it was impossible & there was no way I could go. I then heard Him say, “Leah, We have unlimited resources & We are outside of time.” And again I was like, “God, it’s so much money. I don’t have any money & the timeframe is so short, there would be so much to organize & I can’t ask people for money, who would even give me any?” And again, I heard Him say, “We have unlimited resources, & We are outside of time.” And I just sat there in silence for a long time & finally I said, “Okay God, I‘ll apply. This absolutely terrifies me, but I’ll apply.” 
 
So, over the next few days, I started to go through the application process. Lots more tears. Oh gosh my heart, my sweet little heart was getting a lot of healing out of this process. I had consistently shut it down for 7 years & now I was saying “okay heart, we can apply.” As part of my application I had to have an interview & I had such a beautiful interview with a woman named April. She was so kind to me & I just felt the love of Jesus pouring out of her. She doesn’t know me at all & she said “Leah, I feel like God is saying that you need to tell people your needs. Don’t be afraid to ask people to sow into you & to invest in you, because Leah, you are so worth it.”
 
Well guys, I just found out that my application was successful!!! I have been invited to be a student for 9 months at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. My heart is so excited! This has been a 7 year dream in the making!!
 
My rational, realistic brain still looks at this & says how? How is this going to be possible? Me even sharing all of this with you & being open & vulnerable, is terrifying. I am always the person who gives. I love being generous & sowing into others but the shoe being on the other foot. Me now asking for help, this is totally new territory for me.
 
So, this is me trying to be bold & step out in faith. I’m pushing myself to see things not from my perspective but from God’s. Nothing is impossible with Him. I 100% can’t go to BSSM in my own strength. I can’t. It’s impossible for me, alone. But I’m not alone. I have Him & I also have a great community of people, which includes you. So, if God is stirring your heart to help me…to invest into me & my time at Bethel. I can promise you that I will be so so thankful & so blessed. I know that this will be life changing for me.
 
This is an expensive journey but God is telling me that I’m worth the investment.
 
I’ve been going over the financial numbers with my brother who was there last year and to cover my airfares, trip to embassy, visa, accommodation, food, hire car, living expenses, the exchange rate & hopefully coming home for Christmas, it’s going to cost between $25,000-$30,000 (rough estimate). If you’re like me, this number sounds crazy! But we serve such a big God. And God keeps telling me (and through other people to me) that I’m worth the investment. This is such a crazy journey but I’m excited to see what God does!
 
So please, if you can, please sow into me. I can’t thank you enough. Would you be interested in sponsoring me for 9 months? Whether it’s $10 a week, $50 a month, whatever it looks like. It would be such a blessing and I pray that God returns it to you + so much more. Or even a one-off donation would help so much. Every little bit adds up.
 
You can either donate with credit card by clicking the orange "donate now" button at the top, or you can do a bank transfer into the below account:
 
BSB: 124-001
Account: 22701915
Name: Leah Tunley
 
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! And if you can’t afford to donate, please pray for me. I love you guys, bless you!!