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Help Me Pay For My Mistakes!

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Read. Weep. Dole your pity out as you see fit. Preferably in really generous contributions.

You see, I went to (and graduated from) law school in my 20s (I'm not in those 20s anymore), and it was a big ass mistake. (I didn't realize it at the time, but you know what they say about hindsight.) It wasn't a great school, but it cost a whole lot of dough. To make matters worse, I paid for the whole damn thing with loans, because I'm either not smart enough to get a scholarship or I squandered all the proceeds from my stripper gig (you make the call).

But, lo and behold (and much to my surprise), law school sucked ass! (Try to hide your disbelief.) So instead of wasting my life away as a soul-sucking, underpaid, overworked ambulance chaser (hello, my friends that enjoy that shit!), I decided to do earth-shattering things by blogging, tweeting, and Facebook-ing. Some call that a career in social media; I call it getting paid to play on the Internet. Don't tell anyone.

However. HOWEVER. I do not, nor will I ever, make bank (I work for a non-profit, fergawdsakes). And that's sad (the part where I don't make much money, not the part where I work for a non-profit). Because I like to donate to charities and rescue stray kittens (but I don't feed wine to stray kittens, contrary to what my photo might suggest), and teach English to immigrants. For example. In short, I like doing things that don't make any money, I'm not a big spender, and I like to give my money away. I mean, someone's gotta do it, right?


So while everyone else is begging you to fund their expensive hobbies, stupid movies, I'm-finding-myself vacations, and breast augmentation surgeries, all I'm asking is that you help me pay for a very large, very expensive mistake that I made when I believed law school would result in me "saving the world" "” before I realized that law schools are just big, greedy businesses that don't give a fuck whether you sink or swim.

NOTE: If 10 people from River Oaks donated one day's mortgage payment, I'd be golden. LYNN WYATT, CAN YOU HEAR MY CRIES?

I've already written to Oprah and Ellen and made my case for their pity money (yo, I have no shame); they never wrote back. Not even a form letter. Bitches.

So. Moral of the story: Do better than Oprah. I know you can.


Houston, TX

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