Hello, not my first time at this rodeo. And it never gets easier. Margarette again, and again in a bind. The site says I'm in NYC because still hiding from violence.

This is not about the housing crisis we faced 2 years ago. Or my brain surgery last year. This time it's a totally different health problem. The tone here I’m aiming for is humorous. If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry. And hopefully, I can entertain you.

I now have a fun little known disorder called functional neurological disorder. Makes it hard to think, walk, and gives me non epileptic seizures, which are different from epileptic seizures. Google it and pray you never get it. Tough to diagnose.

Since January, I’ve had 4 hospital stays. Each one caused extra expenses: taxis, more ready meals, hospital bills, medical supplies, and expensive this and thats. And due to clerical errors, I got kicked off Medicare. I kid you not. I have the worst luck with clerical errors. Still working on that debacle. Lost my transportation to health appointments and my drug expense help. Only have to pay $109/month for meds. It adds up.

I set the goal for s5000 which will ameliorate immediate pressure. Part of me wants to say, how about $10k so I can bank the excess? But I'm not allowed to have that much in savings and still get section 8 and food stamps. That's fair, I know. My skewed sense of humor.

I’m truly not happy to be back here. Tried many alternatives. Physically can’t get a job. Matt had a seasonal one. He's on disability because of his autism and fibromyalgia. Because of that, his disability is being cut through September. He called before the job, and because the pay was so little, he was told that it would not impact his disability. Whelp, not so. I've physically and mentally unable to work. I couldn't even handle a tutoring gig. I'm very unreliable and oftentimes I don't say the right words. It's driving Matt nuts, can you imagine a kid who's paying for my knowledge? You might be saying, but Margaret this looks fine make sense. I've been over this about nine times, and I'm still not 100% sure about the flow.

I'm starting to write magazine articles, but not a sure thing. Even my own mother says I'm a money-grubbing leech. We no longer talk. Nor do my sister and i. Don't talk to my brother, well, I do but he doesn't talk back. He died 2 years ago. Id like to think he'd still talk to me.

In January, I broke 8 ribs in a massive seizure. Yes, it hurt. I was having a conversation with an amateur boxer, comparing broken ribs, noses, and concussions. The 60-something mild-mannered college professor "won" the numbers game. Welcome to my life. Turns out that in some spots in my body my osteopenia has turned to osteoporosis. Starting treatment for that next month.

In March, I was horribly depressed, another illness I deal with. Turns out my insomnia, migraine, and UTI weren't helping. They got cleared up during a 2-week hospital stay, and I went home a new woman. Learned we'd been being poisoned by carbon monoxide since December. My heavy sleeping wasn't depression. It was deadly gas. That also causes depression. And seizures. How about them ribs? I went to the hospital for fresh air! We're lucky to be alive. Quite literally.

During these times, as for everyone, costs really rose, income didn't. Trying hard to cut back, catch up. Tried hard to get a loan. Lots of prayer. Even God is tired of me asking! My income is low and debt ratio is high. So back to virtual begging. The competition on streets around here is dire. I truly hate to ask. Hard times for everyone, I know.

Seriously, though, I’m only here because of desperation. When we run out of places to turn, there’s always the Internet.

Thanks in advance for any donations you can make. (Some of you, and you know who you are; looking at you Andi, Judy, Julia, Cecilia, Belen, and Toms S and T, you outdid yourself. Please do not go nuts. My inherent Catholic-girl guilt can’t handle it.) Actually, my inherent puritan guilt can’t handle it, either. That’s just me being American, I think. Hate to ask, but feeling trapped. Bet I’m not alone this year. It’s been a rough one.

Money will go towards paying off a high interest reservation loan. No matter how desperate, just don't. Back bills I just couldn't pay and still feed the cat. And us. We've become vegetarian because rice and beans are frugal. Lentils rock. Ask about th London carrots soup we've been enjoying immensely. I have the recipe. We have a garden plot, too. Community garden. Relatively cheap produce. Thankful for our local pantry. Freezing produce for winter. That's the greenery picture. Needed to buy clothes for summer. Storage debacle. Was working with them but they forgot when things went to auction. I was truly working with them. Only really lost summer things thankfully. But needed cheap stuff. Had to stop wearing fleece lined pants. Oh well. Murphy's law has ruled around here. Someone got into a bank account I thought I'd closed and moved money from my good account. Luckily I caught it and worked with banks. That's a way to fall behind on pills I could not use my bank account for a month.

I don't make this stuff up. Rough year starting in December. Id I put this in novel short story I'd get laughed out of writers group. I do understand this

Much love to all of you. Thanks for reading this mess, hopefully throwing some money in the virtual hat, and please share. <3