IT'S OFFICIAL. I’m competing in my FIRST BIKINI COMPETITION at the end of July. Getting to compete is a dream I have had for years. I have starting speaking about it outload last year, a few close friends might remember, and then I talked myself out of it. I won’t be good enough. I’m too shy to stand up there in a bikini, I can barely go to the beach in one. Blah blah blah, I’m sure you can figure out the rest of that story. Well – there is more to my truth than many of you even know. I am EXETREMELY body shy and not just for the normal “girl” reasons that we have all heard a million times. I have never told this publicly but in order to know why standing on a stage in super high heels, in a bikini being judged on nothing but your looks (not how smart or funny, caring or giving I am)…you need to know the reason behind it all.

Ok…here goes. It’s about to get really real people.

When I was 18 years old, I was kidnapped and sexual assaulted by two men. I was taken out of my home in my pajamas, no socks, no shoes, no keys, no nothing in the middle of the night. I was taken to a rundown place with nothing but beds on the floors and against my will, assaulted by both men.

At 18, I was very confident, outgoing, and had the typical young girl body concerns. After, April 13th – I was afraid to talk to most men in fear that my “hello” might lead to who-knows-what kind of thoughts and actions. My family out of respect for my wishes and deeper love than you can imagine, have also kept my story to only the closest of friends. I, with their support, made it through a full year of not knowing if they would catch these guys. Having to go to court and just the battle of not losing myself in the process. I do not say any of this so that you feel sorry for me. I say this so you know, where I come from and one of the battles I have fought to get where I am. Rebuilding my self-esteem, my worth and not living in a puddle of self-doubt had been an uphill battle, for years. I have been determined not to allow the decision made by two people, completely out of my control, to determine who I am as a person or the quality of my life. I believe most of you would agree, I have done a pretty good job with that. However, to this day, it is still a great struggle for me to physically show myself off.

This Bikini Competition is a hurdle/goal/dream of great proportions to me. Posting a picture of myself on social media (see above) was stomach wrenching. Had I said this to you before, you might have had a little chuckle and thought she’s being silly. Now you know why. It is an accomplishment within my own struggle and I am glad I did not talk myself out of posting it. I hope you do something BOLD today, that takes you a step closer to accomplishing one of your goals! Now – I am on to that next step.

I am 5 weeks out from competing…eeekkkk!!! I know, right!  Last year I said I was “thinking” of competing. This year - I changed my words, so that I could not back out to…“I am entering a bikini competition, to compete.” My word means a LOT to me. Not only to keep it with other but to keep my word to myself. There are many factors involved in competing, not just training in the gym and eating like an athlete. There are competition fees, association fees, the bikini, regulation heels, jewelry, hair, make-up tanning, nails, posing coach, training coach and the list goes on. If I did the math correctly, my total for this one competition will roughly $1,956.

If you gasped, you are not alone…I did when I put everything together. There are a lot of you who would have said you’d like to come and support me the day of the competition. WHICH I WOULD LOVE! Doing the reach, it cost money just to be in the audience. $45 for the morning (judging) and another $50 for the evening(finals). Again, I’d love to have each and every one of you there, but $95 to sit in a chair and Beyoncé isn’t signing is a lot to me. Showing your support can be done in a number of ways.

Your gift in any amount will be greatly appreciated! If you give up your latte and donate to me, it will be a great gift. You all know how much I LOVE me some coffee! Seriously any amount is appreciated, from $1, $20, to whatever you can. I understand if you are unable to support me financially, in which case I still ask for your support in the form of motivation and encouragement! If you are in the gym with me, an extra high five! I LOVE to hear from everyone! I want to thank you in advance. This is truly something special to me. Big HUGS!

Feel free to share with others. As a friend recently told me, I never know who I might inspire.

Any additional funds raised will be donated to charity for victims of assault.