Death Expenses

On February 28th my world got knocked upside down, I had to make the really hard decision about whether to let the machines keep my mom alive or lower the medicines and let her go peacefully. I know she wanted to try hard to keep going because I know I was her world. She was a private person probably too private. She didn't want people to worry about her or feel bad for her even with all her problems and she had quite a few. She had CHF, kidney/liver diseases and she was bed bound after an accident that left her hard to walk even when she was re-learning and then finally Rheumatoid Arthritis locking her legs in place so she couldn't get out of bed to bend them although we had been working on therapy for it trying to re-strengthen her muscles to even get into a wheelchair but that dream didn't come to fruition.  I tried to take good care of her all through the years with the help of friends and we kept up the pun jokes, kept up her sense of humor and she was a well of information on anything and everything. I will miss those days the most talking to her about everything and how well versed she was in puns and silliness. I will miss everything about her including her love of music, favorite tv shows and her memories of the past. She loved her time with her friends, her second family at school, she talked about everyone for years after her retirement. Her death was sudden, we had been living month to month by her pension check since she insisted that she'd pay the lion share of the bills as a way to help to make our lives a lot easier especially with mounting medical bills, medical equipment including an oxygen machine when she couldn't breathe well on her own. She spent the last several years crocheting new projects and making little animals. She loved to make people happy even if she didn't have a lot to give. Now that she's gone I've been in full freak out mode, I'm not sure what will happen with the pensions and there are bills to pay now, I have never been someone to ask for money infact I usually was the one giving just like my Mom used to be, she used to give until she couldn't give anymore whether that was time, money, her puns/humor, and her spirit to those who needed her. Anything anyone can give would be much appreciated because right now I'm not sure what will happen and although I'm beneficiary and power of attorney I am scared out of my mind with worry. I can't grieve until I know we are financially alright, at some point there will be a memorial party held to remember her so all her friends can come and celebrate her life with jokes, stories, innuendos, and everything in between. My mom never wanted funeral flowers, didn't want a funeral and didn't want to be buried in the ground forcing me to take care of a gravestone. She asked to be cremated and her ashes spread across America one massive road trip which might take years to complete but I will abide by her wishes and make memories along the way, that's what she would have wanted. She was always a free spirit and I would like to think I inherited that quality too. Thankyou for reading over this and although I'm not the best at words right now, I really do appreciate anything anyone can give.