Kulbara and Altered's Dragon Food & Cave Fund
Over a month ago, something happened to my eyes. When I tried to look at anything, one eye would focus properly but the other eyeball would physically look in the opposite direction like a chameleon's, and I saw/see two different images. With a very large amount of effort, I could force both eyes to converge, but it would blur my vision completely, and they'd only keep them focused for a second. I could switch which eye focused and which eye stared off into space, but never both at the same time. This was and still is -very- disorienting and frightening. It came out of nowhere, and made it very hard to see and do my artwork, which I do freelance for a living, along with my roommate/BF.
I've since been to the eye doctor/ophtamalogist, and also had an MRI scan, and neither turned up any answers. The scan thankfully ruled out brain tumors and cancer, I was up several nights without sleep worried about that possibility. However, I'm left with my eyes like this with very little to go off of. My doctors think that perhaps one of the new medications I was prescribed, desipramine, may have caused muscle and nerve weakness in the eyes, as this can be a side effect, but they can't be sure. I'm hopeful it is this, because it would mean the eyes could heal.
My eye problem has made it really slow going on my art/commissions, especially at first when I was still scared out of my mind and adjusting to the vision. Since then, I've gotten better at seeing like this, and I'm faster at art, but still a little slow.
I have been so scared of being a dissappointment. I accepted commissions before out of financial need, and built up a bit of a queue because of it. I am so, so sorry. Even though this eye thing isn't my fault as far as I know, I still feel like a complete unprofessional. I never wanted to become one of those artists that has a massive backlog and keeps people waiting. I know how exciting it is to anxiously await artwork, and how dissappointing it is to have to wait and not receive status updates or answers.
I've been practically silent on social media and messengers until now. A part of me kept hoping that my eyes would just get better on their own. I didn't know what to think, if I should say this situation is permanent. I was waiting for the doctor results, and when I received no answers from the tests, I didn't know what to say was the cause to people. I wanted to have art to show before I allowed myself to speak to clients -or- friends. I felt like it'd be worse to have nothing to show, and it's been too long.
That said, I -have- been drawing, I've recently uploaded the completed linework for some commissions, and have sketches done for several of the other commissions. I haven't been inactive, but I've been afraid my work was/is subpar, and again because of fear, I haven't uploaded the things I -have- made progress on. I have so, so many WIP drawings, and I'm going to do a better job of sharing, of posting. I'm really anxious, I've felt so scared to post something that sucks, and I've been giving in to perfectionist tendencies. I can't keep doing this. I am -going- to post no matter what, just please bear with me and know I'm outside my comfort zone, especially with the eyes. If something is off or the quality isn't up to your or my standards, please let me know.
Because of the vision problems, and the slowness with art in the recent past, I am in a really dire situation financially. I need to make at minimum $600 before the month is up, $300 of that being late rent by the 24th, and then rent is due again by the 5th next month. So.. $900 total, or we're gonna lose the apartment, and more. We have always paid our rent on time up until now and have never been a problem once. I think that's the only reason they're giving us any warning at all. The timing of all this all at once could not be worse.
Please, if anybody can help by donating to this GoFundMe, or any other way, Altered and I need any help we can possibly get. I -hate- getting behind and practically having to beg, but I have to do this because of these eyes and my own shortcomings.
I promise I'm doing everything I can on my end. I'm working on art as fast and dilligently as I can every day, getting more and more used to seeing this way, and I will post and share. I'm applying at any jobs I can handle around here. I want to make a donation-only patreon soon. I'm going to try streaming again, though I'm scared and unsure how it will go with the eyes the way they are. (again, please bear with me). I'm going to open for more YCHs. And if anybody can get normal commissions, I'm certainly welcoming and in need. There is a queue, but I give you my word I will work through it as fast as humanly possible, and I will stay in contact; I will not let this go on, I will not betray your trust. I know how much support people here have already given my boyfriend, Altered, and I am eternally appreciative of it. That fact isn't lost on me. Again, I feel like a piece of garbage asking for support right after some of you have helped him too, but thank you once again.
I'm sorry this all has to be such a bummer, such bad news. I want nothing more than to draw tons of TF and share it with you all, to talk and collab with people, and to have fun.
I've since been to the eye doctor/ophtamalogist, and also had an MRI scan, and neither turned up any answers. The scan thankfully ruled out brain tumors and cancer, I was up several nights without sleep worried about that possibility. However, I'm left with my eyes like this with very little to go off of. My doctors think that perhaps one of the new medications I was prescribed, desipramine, may have caused muscle and nerve weakness in the eyes, as this can be a side effect, but they can't be sure. I'm hopeful it is this, because it would mean the eyes could heal.
My eye problem has made it really slow going on my art/commissions, especially at first when I was still scared out of my mind and adjusting to the vision. Since then, I've gotten better at seeing like this, and I'm faster at art, but still a little slow.
I have been so scared of being a dissappointment. I accepted commissions before out of financial need, and built up a bit of a queue because of it. I am so, so sorry. Even though this eye thing isn't my fault as far as I know, I still feel like a complete unprofessional. I never wanted to become one of those artists that has a massive backlog and keeps people waiting. I know how exciting it is to anxiously await artwork, and how dissappointing it is to have to wait and not receive status updates or answers.
I've been practically silent on social media and messengers until now. A part of me kept hoping that my eyes would just get better on their own. I didn't know what to think, if I should say this situation is permanent. I was waiting for the doctor results, and when I received no answers from the tests, I didn't know what to say was the cause to people. I wanted to have art to show before I allowed myself to speak to clients -or- friends. I felt like it'd be worse to have nothing to show, and it's been too long.
That said, I -have- been drawing, I've recently uploaded the completed linework for some commissions, and have sketches done for several of the other commissions. I haven't been inactive, but I've been afraid my work was/is subpar, and again because of fear, I haven't uploaded the things I -have- made progress on. I have so, so many WIP drawings, and I'm going to do a better job of sharing, of posting. I'm really anxious, I've felt so scared to post something that sucks, and I've been giving in to perfectionist tendencies. I can't keep doing this. I am -going- to post no matter what, just please bear with me and know I'm outside my comfort zone, especially with the eyes. If something is off or the quality isn't up to your or my standards, please let me know.
Because of the vision problems, and the slowness with art in the recent past, I am in a really dire situation financially. I need to make at minimum $600 before the month is up, $300 of that being late rent by the 24th, and then rent is due again by the 5th next month. So.. $900 total, or we're gonna lose the apartment, and more. We have always paid our rent on time up until now and have never been a problem once. I think that's the only reason they're giving us any warning at all. The timing of all this all at once could not be worse.
Please, if anybody can help by donating to this GoFundMe, or any other way, Altered and I need any help we can possibly get. I -hate- getting behind and practically having to beg, but I have to do this because of these eyes and my own shortcomings.
I promise I'm doing everything I can on my end. I'm working on art as fast and dilligently as I can every day, getting more and more used to seeing this way, and I will post and share. I'm applying at any jobs I can handle around here. I want to make a donation-only patreon soon. I'm going to try streaming again, though I'm scared and unsure how it will go with the eyes the way they are. (again, please bear with me). I'm going to open for more YCHs. And if anybody can get normal commissions, I'm certainly welcoming and in need. There is a queue, but I give you my word I will work through it as fast as humanly possible, and I will stay in contact; I will not let this go on, I will not betray your trust. I know how much support people here have already given my boyfriend, Altered, and I am eternally appreciative of it. That fact isn't lost on me. Again, I feel like a piece of garbage asking for support right after some of you have helped him too, but thank you once again.
I'm sorry this all has to be such a bummer, such bad news. I want nothing more than to draw tons of TF and share it with you all, to talk and collab with people, and to have fun.
Organizer
Red Ontoko
Organizer
South Milwaukee, WI