Hi! My name is Shannon, some of you might know me as kirishark on the internet. I'm 24 years old, born and raised in Ireland, and for most of my life, I have struggled to reconcile with myself.

It feels like a trap putting my feelings into words on such a broad, public platform but I feel those reading are owed honesty and I suppose, my vulnerability to understand the gravity of my situation. Ever since I could remember, I always knew I was different. My food habits were strange, I spent most of my days daydreaming and struggled to maintain close friendships, because socializing for longer than a few minutes at a time felt exhausting. As a kid, it felt like other children could recognize the difference in me and I would end up othered, despite neither of us recognizing what it was at the time. Throughout the years, I don't believe I fully realized that I could potentially be neurodivergent until I was around 17/18, nearly an adult, despite my own brother being diagnosed as autistic since the time he was five. My symptoms changed and grew with me and I think, by that time, I had accidentally surrounded myself with a few like-minded neurodivergents and through building our friendships, affirmed what I had always suspected about myself.

I have spent a lot of time denying myself help for fear of putting myself in a box I can't escape, damaging future career prospects and cementing the harbored resentment I have towards my parents for neglecting my care, but extending it to my brother. While my own feelings about my gender are defined and I do not identify as a woman, as an AFAB, we are severely neglected in the realm of mental health, neurodivergency in particular. It is frustrating to see an alternate reality where I could have been afforded the assistance and support I need if only I had been born male. I know it is likely down to a lack of education and that if they had known, they would have helped me but it is hard to empathize when as an adult, I am struggling to maintain a standard I was always set up to fail.

Unfortunately, a trend with undiagnosed adults is frequently experiencing burnout in their careers, sabotaging them and then finally finding recovery time in unemployment. I can't afford to do this but the compounding pressures in my life are driving me close to my breaking point and I know that this little job I have is the only thing keeping me productive. I am lucky to have good relationships and supporters in my life, but I struggle to maintain them mostly due to exhaustion. My life is full but I am all the worse for it, dreading outings and future plans because I can't muster the energy to prepare for them.

That is to say, I believe a formal assessment for whatever I have, be it ADHD, autism, both or something else entirely, will go a long way. I could go for therapy, medication, government supports and best of all, a thorough understanding of how my brain works and the tools to regulate me. The assessment cost is extortionate and I would like to express how this is nonessential in comparison to food insecurity, housing difficulties and other global crises. I know it serves no one to compare pain, but I feel immensely guilty for making this page at all even in light of how it could stand to renovate my quality of life, and I am compelled to remind you of these other great causes for your consideration.

If you do intend to donate, every penny will be fronted for my assessment. In the meantime, I will be building my savings towards the cost, however I work part-time at minimum wage so this would take me possibly years on my own. A little helps more than you could ever imagine and I am eternally grateful to all who have read this far. Sincerely, thank you for spending the time, and thank you for the opportunity.