- A
Greetings Dearest Ones <3
My name is Kimberley O'Donnell and I am a 21-year-old transwoman who lives in Omaha, Nebraska.
I have spent a long time considering making this, both because I was nervous to ask for financial support and also because of its contents. But, I have wanted to begin these steps for a really long time - and I am ready to ask for this help. Transitioning is really expensive, and I am not able to foot many of these bills on my own. So from now on, birthdays, holidays, if I do consulting type things and other events - please consider this as your gift. It would mean the world to me.
But, for now, let’s start at the beginning.
---------------------
On July 24, 1997 something fairly common - but for me, was pretty extraordinary - happened at 4:54 PM in Omaha, Nebraska. A woman gave birth to her second child. That was me :)
With a Leo Sun, Aries Moon, and Sagittarius Ascendant - born in the year of the Ox - I was born to be a stubborn flame :P
I was a fairly intriguing child, at least I’d like to think so.
My first words were feline growls (yes, I am most definitely a Leo) and I really loved Jello (that one is still a mystery). As I got older, I could be found swimming, reading, writing, or walking around the neighborhood and pasture (a hidden space near our home) most days. I dreamed about writing my own books, conjuring worlds based on the ones I created in my imagination. I am a middle child, flanked by an older sister and two younger brothers - so I spent a lot of time on my own, or creating forts and strategic nerf gun wars with my brothers.
Growing up in a heavily religious family that was also in constant flux for various reasons, I didn't always have the verbiage or space to explain what was happening inside of me. Though gender is a construct, and how children act/what they like doesn't define anything - I can remember playing Polly Pocket with my sister for hours. I can remember letting her do my make-up, with jewelry and the crown from Pretty, Pretty Princess. I was utterly obsessed.
I remember sneaking into my sister's room and holding her dresses and clothes up in the mirror. Our mother owned a jewelry business during our childhood, and she used to ask me to go and pick out a pair of earrings for her to wear in the morning. Unfailingly, there was a moment when I found her a pair, that I would always stop, bring the earring up to my own ear, look into the mirror and just spend a moment feeling whole. I felt as though I was looking at myself - and seeing me - for the first time.
In 3rd grade, I started getting chubbier - and with that came growth in my breast area. I thought I was finally getting boobs. I was wrong. I still got all the solos though, and always sang in the choir - even when I lost familiarity with my voice, as it became a deeper and foreign sound. There are videos of me singing somewhere, cause I always hit the high notes. I still sing opera - or Beyonce - in the shower to this day.
All through Catholic grade school, I would sit with other "girls" at lunchtime. When my school changed the lunch policy to be "gendered-seating" I remember sitting with the "girls" until a teacher would make me move every day. The shame and frustration I felt were always extremely heavy, but I still did not know how to explain why.
For the first two years of high school, I attended an all-boys Catholic high school in Omaha. Though so many of the teachers there were amazing, the space was still not affirming and a truly difficult part of my journey. Those were some very dark years.
Junior year, I transferred to a public high school in the district my father lived in. It was there I painted my nails for the first time. I began to wear bright pants, leggings, grow my hair out, and truly have the space to begin expressing the pieces of me I understood. I came out as non-binary and went by the pronouns they/them/theirs. For the first time, I was in a space where I didn’t experience perpetual bullying - mainly because there were groups of kids like me. I wasn’t alone anymore.
The summer before senior year, I published my first book. It is a collection of 24 poems that go through what I remember from my childhood, my teenage years, and the processes I had experienced in finding myself. It was also at that time, after losing 100 pounds to a deeply toxic eating disorder that I began to go to therapy - that was affirming and safe - for the first time in my life. Originally, I convinced myself that my anorexia was a product of feeling inadequate in being attractive - and while that isn't completely wrong - it was far more complex than that. I hated my body, but for reasons, I was still not comfortable explaining to myself or others. I got better, I healed, but a part of me was still lost.
After I graduated high school, I began talking openly with friends and loved ones about transition for the first time in my life. I am so grateful for those who let me live in their home, who guided me through the process at the beginning and walked with me patiently. It was also around this time that I shaved my entire body for the first time - it took about 2 hours. Let me TELL you how pruney I was after that. But the freedom in those moments, the sense of power was undefinable.
In the summer of 2016 - I booked an appointment to discuss steps forward, where to go, etc. with the pediatrician who cared for my siblings and me our whole childhood. When I walked into the office, I was terrified. I wasn’t sure what would happen. When the doctor came in, she said to me, “I know why you are here, and I am not surprised at all.” I felt so much peace in that moment - and anger. The frustration that this all hadn’t happened sooner, that people hadn’t said anything when I was a child.
On August 5, 2016 at 7:39 PM I took my first dose of estrogen, sitting among friends. A second birthday. I am a Leo, through and through, after all :). That fall I went on to attend school in Iowa City until I realized I had been so focused on escaping Omaha - that I didn’t have enough to stay a second semester and so I withdrew. I went to a school in Chicago for a little bit online but decided to stop my academic journey and focus on the publication of my second book, which was released on January 24, 2018.
In December of 2017, I received an email that absolutely changed my life. The Colin Higgins Foundation - a group of people who have loved and supported me in ways I can never repay - wanted to sponsor a national book tour for This Void Beckons. I was fortunate to travel across the country, witnessing cities where there were entire populations like me. Namely San Francisco and New York City - both places forever have a piece of my Soul. Being able to walk down streets where there were more trans women than anyone else, be among my community, and find a sense of hope was extremely powerful for me. I am eternally grateful for that opportunity.
For a myriad of reasons, I had to stop taking estrogen during 2018. But it all got figured out <3 Now, as I continue to grow into myself, I am looking to the next steps I need to take on my journey.
--------------------------------------
I grappled with writing out what this money would be used for, the specific things I am wanting to have done in my transition - but I decided that I don't have to go in depth - that my body is mine. I hope that is understandable.
As of right now, there are eight procedures/processes I would like to have in my transition plan. That is different for every trans person, but that is mine. This first two steps of the six for me are full body hair removal - except my curls of course :) - and voice therapy.
Estimating all of the steps in this process - brings everything to be about $80,000. Depending on insurance, how much I feel comfortable with the initial effects of Estrogen, and if there is anything missing afterword.
I am incredibly grateful for all of you, taking the time to read a few snippets of my story - there is so much more, and maybe one day I will write a memoir. For now, I am so honored to know all of you - and even those who are reading this I may not know. Thank you for your Goodness. Your Light. And your Warmth. I am honored to be on this journey with all of you.
In Perpetual Light,
Kimberley A. O’Donnell
My name is Kimberley O'Donnell and I am a 21-year-old transwoman who lives in Omaha, Nebraska.
I have spent a long time considering making this, both because I was nervous to ask for financial support and also because of its contents. But, I have wanted to begin these steps for a really long time - and I am ready to ask for this help. Transitioning is really expensive, and I am not able to foot many of these bills on my own. So from now on, birthdays, holidays, if I do consulting type things and other events - please consider this as your gift. It would mean the world to me.
But, for now, let’s start at the beginning.
---------------------
On July 24, 1997 something fairly common - but for me, was pretty extraordinary - happened at 4:54 PM in Omaha, Nebraska. A woman gave birth to her second child. That was me :)
With a Leo Sun, Aries Moon, and Sagittarius Ascendant - born in the year of the Ox - I was born to be a stubborn flame :P
I was a fairly intriguing child, at least I’d like to think so.
My first words were feline growls (yes, I am most definitely a Leo) and I really loved Jello (that one is still a mystery). As I got older, I could be found swimming, reading, writing, or walking around the neighborhood and pasture (a hidden space near our home) most days. I dreamed about writing my own books, conjuring worlds based on the ones I created in my imagination. I am a middle child, flanked by an older sister and two younger brothers - so I spent a lot of time on my own, or creating forts and strategic nerf gun wars with my brothers.
Growing up in a heavily religious family that was also in constant flux for various reasons, I didn't always have the verbiage or space to explain what was happening inside of me. Though gender is a construct, and how children act/what they like doesn't define anything - I can remember playing Polly Pocket with my sister for hours. I can remember letting her do my make-up, with jewelry and the crown from Pretty, Pretty Princess. I was utterly obsessed.
I remember sneaking into my sister's room and holding her dresses and clothes up in the mirror. Our mother owned a jewelry business during our childhood, and she used to ask me to go and pick out a pair of earrings for her to wear in the morning. Unfailingly, there was a moment when I found her a pair, that I would always stop, bring the earring up to my own ear, look into the mirror and just spend a moment feeling whole. I felt as though I was looking at myself - and seeing me - for the first time.
In 3rd grade, I started getting chubbier - and with that came growth in my breast area. I thought I was finally getting boobs. I was wrong. I still got all the solos though, and always sang in the choir - even when I lost familiarity with my voice, as it became a deeper and foreign sound. There are videos of me singing somewhere, cause I always hit the high notes. I still sing opera - or Beyonce - in the shower to this day.
All through Catholic grade school, I would sit with other "girls" at lunchtime. When my school changed the lunch policy to be "gendered-seating" I remember sitting with the "girls" until a teacher would make me move every day. The shame and frustration I felt were always extremely heavy, but I still did not know how to explain why.
For the first two years of high school, I attended an all-boys Catholic high school in Omaha. Though so many of the teachers there were amazing, the space was still not affirming and a truly difficult part of my journey. Those were some very dark years.
Junior year, I transferred to a public high school in the district my father lived in. It was there I painted my nails for the first time. I began to wear bright pants, leggings, grow my hair out, and truly have the space to begin expressing the pieces of me I understood. I came out as non-binary and went by the pronouns they/them/theirs. For the first time, I was in a space where I didn’t experience perpetual bullying - mainly because there were groups of kids like me. I wasn’t alone anymore.
The summer before senior year, I published my first book. It is a collection of 24 poems that go through what I remember from my childhood, my teenage years, and the processes I had experienced in finding myself. It was also at that time, after losing 100 pounds to a deeply toxic eating disorder that I began to go to therapy - that was affirming and safe - for the first time in my life. Originally, I convinced myself that my anorexia was a product of feeling inadequate in being attractive - and while that isn't completely wrong - it was far more complex than that. I hated my body, but for reasons, I was still not comfortable explaining to myself or others. I got better, I healed, but a part of me was still lost.
After I graduated high school, I began talking openly with friends and loved ones about transition for the first time in my life. I am so grateful for those who let me live in their home, who guided me through the process at the beginning and walked with me patiently. It was also around this time that I shaved my entire body for the first time - it took about 2 hours. Let me TELL you how pruney I was after that. But the freedom in those moments, the sense of power was undefinable.
In the summer of 2016 - I booked an appointment to discuss steps forward, where to go, etc. with the pediatrician who cared for my siblings and me our whole childhood. When I walked into the office, I was terrified. I wasn’t sure what would happen. When the doctor came in, she said to me, “I know why you are here, and I am not surprised at all.” I felt so much peace in that moment - and anger. The frustration that this all hadn’t happened sooner, that people hadn’t said anything when I was a child.
On August 5, 2016 at 7:39 PM I took my first dose of estrogen, sitting among friends. A second birthday. I am a Leo, through and through, after all :). That fall I went on to attend school in Iowa City until I realized I had been so focused on escaping Omaha - that I didn’t have enough to stay a second semester and so I withdrew. I went to a school in Chicago for a little bit online but decided to stop my academic journey and focus on the publication of my second book, which was released on January 24, 2018.
In December of 2017, I received an email that absolutely changed my life. The Colin Higgins Foundation - a group of people who have loved and supported me in ways I can never repay - wanted to sponsor a national book tour for This Void Beckons. I was fortunate to travel across the country, witnessing cities where there were entire populations like me. Namely San Francisco and New York City - both places forever have a piece of my Soul. Being able to walk down streets where there were more trans women than anyone else, be among my community, and find a sense of hope was extremely powerful for me. I am eternally grateful for that opportunity.
For a myriad of reasons, I had to stop taking estrogen during 2018. But it all got figured out <3 Now, as I continue to grow into myself, I am looking to the next steps I need to take on my journey.
--------------------------------------
I grappled with writing out what this money would be used for, the specific things I am wanting to have done in my transition - but I decided that I don't have to go in depth - that my body is mine. I hope that is understandable.
As of right now, there are eight procedures/processes I would like to have in my transition plan. That is different for every trans person, but that is mine. This first two steps of the six for me are full body hair removal - except my curls of course :) - and voice therapy.
Estimating all of the steps in this process - brings everything to be about $80,000. Depending on insurance, how much I feel comfortable with the initial effects of Estrogen, and if there is anything missing afterword.
I am incredibly grateful for all of you, taking the time to read a few snippets of my story - there is so much more, and maybe one day I will write a memoir. For now, I am so honored to know all of you - and even those who are reading this I may not know. Thank you for your Goodness. Your Light. And your Warmth. I am honored to be on this journey with all of you.
In Perpetual Light,
Kimberley A. O’Donnell