Here is my story...

May 5, 2022 was just another day in my life. After a long day, just wanted some peace a quiet. I was laying in bed when my phones rings. Caller ID shows it was my son. It wasn't my son but someone who had his phone. I wasn't prepared. All I heard was Ms. Pam, Xanders been shot, please come quick. I sat up like I was  possessed as my mind and body experienced every emotion that they don't prepare you for when becoming a parent. All I could manage to say was "is my son dead"...

I don't remember the response.

I go through the motions of getting dressed, all while being in a daze. I find my daughters and mumble, "Xanders been shot and we need to get to the hospital". 

I don't remember the drive, or having the entrance doors greet me. What I do remember is hearing whispers, " this must be the mom", and a wonderful nurse walking up behind me, just in time before I hit the floor and her saying "I've got you mama. I've got you". 

The next few moments are like a whirlwind. Nurses asking for information, doctors running by with an intensity to them. All I can do is just stand there and pray. And pray I did. 

I prayed for my son, the doctors and nurses who were working on him. I prayed for strength and understanding. I prayed for forgiveness. That is when someone walked over and took my hand. He was talking but to me it was just gibberish. I heard gunshot wound, stabilized, touch and go. Then I heard would you like to see him. I must have answered yes as all of the sudden I was guided into a room with things I will never unsee. My son on the table. Many people surrounding him, saving him and blood everywhere. My sons blood. More words. Died,  resuscitation, internal bleeding, emergency surgery.. 

He was transported to UNM trauma center. Because of the type of wound I was told he was a DNA - Do Not Announce. For his safety and the safety of the hospital staff, I would not be allowed to wait, have any information for the time being and that a staff member would reach out with updates.

Then they sent me home. Sent me home to await another life changing call.

3 hours later.

The phone rang. I was so scared to answer.

I held my breath as the voice spoke. 

He alive, even after many complications, he's alive.

He died three times during this journey. Lost 3 parts of his small intestines, colon, broken hip, colostomy. But the only words I held on to was, he's alive.

My son is alive.

That night changed the lives of my entire family and is still changing it today. 

After what seemed like forever, he was released from the hospital to do his recovery at home. 

My daughter lost her job during this time as her place of work said her absences were unexcused. So she became his caregiver.

Packing his wounds, changing of his colostomy bag, helping him live. Most importantly helping him heal mentally and physically.

I try to focus not on the cause of how we got where are but what we are going to do with this second chance.

It's hard for me to ask for help but I'm realizing I'm in over my head. I'm slowly losing focus on whats Important as I'm getting lost in all it takes before and after to save a life. 

I have already been given the greatest gift, my son is still here. But now I'm asking for kindness from you, family, old friends, strangers so we can continue our story. My faith has gotten me this far, now I just need some help turning the page and beginning a new chapter.

Thank you for reading my story.

 I'm hoping you may want to be a part of it.