Kessler memorial fund

Amanda Stokes was a kind and loving friend to everyone she met. There was never a person she didn’t try to make feel better and always held her door and her heart wide open for everyone she came into contact with. Her warmth has brought so many people out of their dark days and it shows through Audrey. Everything from her love of animals to her uncanny perfect timing is something we can take a page from. If you cannot donate, please share. This is for Deb and Mark so that they can cover the expenses to bring their daughter home and lay her to rest. Please keep The entire Kessler family and Audrey especially in your thoughts and prayers.

Her story is a long and sad one, but I hope in time we can all learn and grow from this experience.

Amanda met her husband years ago. He was never an overtly mean person to her, having very small and intense bouts of rage towards her that didn't seem to last long and could easily be explained away by stress from work or love. It wasn't until after they married that his true colors came through. He regularly abused her physically and often verbally berated her. Even in front of people, under the guise of a joke, he would insult her and belittle her in a way that only those closest to her could see. Many people tried to help, offering counseling, retreats, medication recommendations and even just plain helpful advice. Alas, it would never be enough. 

There are no words that can magically stop an abuser from harming others, and no matter how easily it is to claim that the anger is out of passion, it isn't. Abuse is not love, it is a control mechanism. It is meant to keep someone close while forcing them to keep others at bay and ensure that the abused never disclose their secret. Sometimes, as in this case, the abused was threatened with harm to those closest to her, forcing her to push away the few that knew everything. The unfortunate reality is that Amanda had grown used to being abused, as most people in her situation do, and so the abuser attempted different tactics to keep her on edge while feeding his own desire for ultimate control.

Amanda was a true friend, mother and warrior. Even in the face of great adversity, she thrived in spite of her abuse. Her light shown to others and it was a terrible shock to a lot of those close to her just how bad it really was, as she shielded a majority of her loved ones from the truth. Some knew they had issues but never knew the depth it sank to or the real reach he had on her. As most abusive relationship patterns would go, she tried to leave countless times, often expressing in private that her desire was to ultimately be rid of him all together. She was making moves to follow through and because of her bravery, her abuser lost his control on her and, in the end, his own control over himself. 

She was doing it. She was leaving him for good. Paperwork for divorce had been filed, she took steps to ensure her safety and had a plan to bring up Audrey as an ocean baby. She was in the eye of the storm, and no one could have predicted the outcome. Amanda went to a final outing and, because of her bravery and strong will, was met by her abuser in the small hours of the morning. In cold blood, he murdered the man she brought with her to protect her from such an even, then shot her and, eventually, himself. That was not love, that was a person who lost control of something he never thought he could lose and didn't want to let it go. 

Now she is free of his abuse. She no longer has to worry about hiding black eyes or bloody noses. She no longer has to create excuses to cancel plans without alarming anyone. She no longer has to live in fear of the man that she thought loved her, eventually turning on their daughter. Audrey is currently living with family, happy and free from her mother's nightmare. She will grow and live where Amanda had lived and she will be loved as her mother was loved and so much more. Thank you to all who donated and are continuing to donate. Your help has been immensely appreciated.