This is a new level of learning to ask for help and receive as I've had multiple people help me shower, haven't been cooking for myself yet, and just barely starting to do some things for myself a week and a half after surgery. This ask for monetary support hits an even deeper edge, so thank you friend <3 

There’s a part of me that still wants to try to do things for myself or push myself, but learning to relax into being cared for as the total recovery period is about 6 weeks.

What happened (what I shared with you all on FB last week):

This was definitely the scariest thing I’ve had happen and still feels quite surreal. The magnitude still hasn’t fully hit me, but it feels wild to think I could’ve died.

I had found out I was pregnant early September. There had been some symptoms on and off like cramps or spotting or some sharp pain in my right ovary - and I went to the FPA clinic in Oakland for an ultrasound and let them know.

They said it wasn’t far enough along yet as they couldn’t see anything and didn’t seem too concerned by the symptoms but let me know to keep an eye out for symptoms of Ectopic pregnancy and that if they are excruciating and don’t stop that could mean an ectopic pregnancy rupture (which fyi is way too far along, in the future of you have symptoms you’re concerned about have them do tests to make sure it’s in the right place)

About a week later, I woke up to excruciating cramping like I’ve never felt, the pain was spread out through my whole abdomen and diaphragm and other places and felt queezy and a bit light headed.

My mom wanted me to go to the ER but I wasn’t convinced it was bad enough.

Kyle came over and helped take care of me and was looking back at the papers they had given me about ectopic pregnancy and we realized I had some of the symptoms. We called the clinic and they again didn’t seem too concerned they just said if it doesn’t stop or gets worse I can go to the ER, but didn’t make it seem urgent so we thought hey maybe let’s wait a few hours and see. I wish they would have recognized the symptoms were concerning and the fact that I had had some the week prior.

Luckily my friend Lucia was the final person to convince me to go and drove me straight to the ER.

When I was there they took me in a wheel chair, started testing vitals and pushing on my stomach and the pain shot up to my shoulder (a sign of ectopic pregnancy rupture and internal bleeding).

The doctor mentioned he thought I had internal bleeding so they started prepping a room for me and left me alone for a minute. Sitting in the wheelchair my whole body went tingly and vision started shifting, the nurse came back and my whole vision went black with my eyes open and told her I couldn’t see.

That’s the point I really started panicking. So they wheeled me in and I was in full panic mode and they got me hooked up to an IV and morphine.

Luckily the people in the ER were so sweet and comforting and really helped me through it.

Eventually I did an ultrasound and some other tests and after more waiting the surgeon came in and told me it was ectopic and had ruptured and there was internal bleeding. (Once an ectopic pregnancy ruptured it can be fatal and is quite an emergency situation).

They said it had ruptured my right Fallopian tube and We’d need to remove it. The embryo was already 9mm and had a heartbeat (so farther along than the clinic had said the week before).

Finally at night I went into surgery and was put under and was in there for 3 hrs for a surgery that’s normally 30min-1hr.

After that I went into recovery in the hospital for a few days.
The surgeon said I had had 1.5 L of internal bleeding (which is 30% of our blood), and they didn’t do a transfusion then but did on Monday.

They can often do surgery for it with microscopic tools but said mine was too bad so I have a 4 inch incision mark on my Bikini line and they completely took out my right Fallopian tube, so it’ll be a continue journey of hormone balancing and future fertility tracking.

I’m happy to be alive (although even though it could’ve been very close still trusted I would be okay), happy to have my community, and happy to be home.

There is a lot emotionally coming up to be processed now, and honestly feeling overwhelmed - any support you can give with the financials would greatly help me relax into the healing process <3

What this is going towards:
- Hospital bills - 2 ER visits, 3 hr surgery, 4-day hospital stay (about $6500 total after insurance)
- Ongoing appts with a gynecologist
- Other alternative healing modalities (body work, trauma processing, fertility/hormonal balancing)

I am trusting so much that this experience is an initiation for me and my intention with what I learn from this is to support other women, so they have more awareness and hopefully things like this don't get this far.

So that they don't minimize what they're experiencing even if a physician does, so they know how to advocate for themselves, and know more about their womb.  I feel angry this could've been caught sooner and don't want that to happen to other women. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you <3