Kelowna Crows Half Marathon to fight Cancer
Donation protected
On behalf of the amazing work they do for all our friends and families and the help they have given to one of our own this year, your favourite Crows Rugby players are running in the Kelowna Wine Country Half Marathon to raise funds for the BC Cancer Foundation!
Around 25,000 people per year are diagnosed with cancer in BC alone, the BC Cancer Foundation carries out crucial research into new treatments whilst providing state of the art care for those currently going through cancer treatment.
As you may be aware, one of our players was diagnosed this year and has been going through Chemotherapy, as such we will be donating 50% of the funds raised through this campaign to support him during his treatment & recovery, while donating the other 50% to the BC Cancer Foundation.
Finally, it wouldn't be a Crows event without our very own mystery writer giving us his own input:
When the Kelowna Crows heard about the “Kelowna Wine Country Half Marathon”, it seems that most of them just heard “Kelowna” and “Wine” because a bunch of the lads decided to sign themselves up.
A half marathon is just over 21 kilometres. That’s approximately 188 rugby pitches. Or, 2,333 trips to the bathroom and back at Dakota’s. For even the most well-endowed Crows, it’s approximately 300,000 times the length of their own manhood!
Despite the obvious brutality of this challenge, some of our hardiest Crows have been training (drinking) relentlessly since the end of the season, and are in pristine condition to smash it out on June 18th all in an effort to raise money for cancer research.
Everyone has been affected by cancer in one way or another, and the Crows have been feeling it hit especially close to home with one of our beloved teammates currently in the midst of his second battle. F*** cancer.
Here’s the lineup of absolute beauties that will be donning their 3 inch lulu running shorts and taping their nipples for the occasion:
Big Dicko, he’ll be dusting off his trainers and running a distance that roughly equates to crossing the entirety of England horizontally 7 and a half times. Naturally he’ll have to break for tea-time and second breakfast, but we fully expect him to keep calm and carry on through the finish.
Apparently there was no size restriction on the sign-up form, because gigantic team captain Chris Hill managed to put crayon to paper and get his name on the list. Sure to register as at least a 6 on the richter scale, Chris’s strides will be heard far and wide as he stomps down the road with an infant strapped to his chest (hopefully his infant).
Providing the after-shock tremors will be none other than Cody Teichroeb who was apparently faking his ankle injury in the playoff matchup vs UBC. Maybe the big man should try soccer next season. Shameful.
Reigning MVP Connor Hines definitely prefers to take the elevator over the stairs, but he’ll look to push all the right buttons and elevate his performance to the top floor during the run. Elevators. He sells elevators.
We’re not 100% certain yet who will be running alongside him with the puke bucket, but Jared “Jrod” Curry is the fan favourite to actually finish the race plus or minus a few bodily fluids. Let’s just hope he’s wearing his homemade daisy dukes.
Former male model and current Pentictonite One F Jef Vreys has been on a diet consisting exclusively of asparagus and chia seeds for years, and he’s eager to burn a few calories before his reunion tour at Abercrombie and Finch. Pray he doesn’t run fast enough to mess up his beautiful hair.
Dr Joey Morneau wrote himself a phonebook sized stack of prescriptions leading up to the race, but a la Lance Armstrong he refuses to admit his obvious abuse of performance enhancing drugs. He’ll probably run the race with a 50 pound weight vest on. Not very prop-like Joseph.
Kevin Low has been running from his inner demons for years, and is therefore in excellent condition to smash out a quick half marathon before scurrying back to the bench press where he continues to sculpt his otherworldly pectorals. Seriously though, this guy has bigger guns than my last 3 girlfriends put together. It’s sexy in a very disturbing way.
Quinn Baak is built more like a stump than a runner, but after a disappointing end to his rugby season he’ll be looking to prove once again that he’s a cream of the crop athlete. Like Gimli in Lord of the Rings, we know he’s very dangerous over short distances, let’s see if he can stretch it out over a few clicks!
International man of mystery Carlin Marshall shaved his head years ago in order to be more aerodynamic for this exact event. Imagine the level of sacrifice it takes to rid oneself of one’s own hair all for a charity event years in the future. That’s our Carlin.
Last but not least: the only Crow that actually looks like a marathon runner, Kevin Fisher will undoubtedly have some stunning running attire and will likely be mistaken for a professional at the starting line. That is, until he shotguns a beer moments before the starting gun.
That’s the lineup ladies and gentlemen. A humble gang of brutes putting their bodies and reputations on the line all for the sake of an excellent charitable cause. Please help out by doing YOUR part and donating.
Crows fly together.
xoxo - Mystery Writer
When the Kelowna Crows heard about the “Kelowna Wine Country Half Marathon”, it seems that most of them just heard “Kelowna” and “Wine” because a bunch of the lads decided to sign themselves up.
A half marathon is just over 21 kilometres. That’s approximately 188 rugby pitches. Or, 2,333 trips to the bathroom and back at Dakota’s. For even the most well-endowed Crows, it’s approximately 300,000 times the length of their own manhood!
Despite the obvious brutality of this challenge, some of our hardiest Crows have been training (drinking) relentlessly since the end of the season, and are in pristine condition to smash it out on June 18th all in an effort to raise money for cancer research.
Everyone has been affected by cancer in one way or another, and the Crows have been feeling it hit especially close to home with one of our beloved teammates currently in the midst of his second battle. F*** cancer.
Here’s the lineup of absolute beauties that will be donning their 3 inch lulu running shorts and taping their nipples for the occasion:
Big Dicko, he’ll be dusting off his trainers and running a distance that roughly equates to crossing the entirety of England horizontally 7 and a half times. Naturally he’ll have to break for tea-time and second breakfast, but we fully expect him to keep calm and carry on through the finish.
Apparently there was no size restriction on the sign-up form, because gigantic team captain Chris Hill managed to put crayon to paper and get his name on the list. Sure to register as at least a 6 on the richter scale, Chris’s strides will be heard far and wide as he stomps down the road with an infant strapped to his chest (hopefully his infant).
Providing the after-shock tremors will be none other than Cody Teichroeb who was apparently faking his ankle injury in the playoff matchup vs UBC. Maybe the big man should try soccer next season. Shameful.
Reigning MVP Connor Hines definitely prefers to take the elevator over the stairs, but he’ll look to push all the right buttons and elevate his performance to the top floor during the run. Elevators. He sells elevators.
We’re not 100% certain yet who will be running alongside him with the puke bucket, but Jared “Jrod” Curry is the fan favourite to actually finish the race plus or minus a few bodily fluids. Let’s just hope he’s wearing his homemade daisy dukes.
Former male model and current Pentictonite One F Jef Vreys has been on a diet consisting exclusively of asparagus and chia seeds for years, and he’s eager to burn a few calories before his reunion tour at Abercrombie and Finch. Pray he doesn’t run fast enough to mess up his beautiful hair.
Dr Joey Morneau wrote himself a phonebook sized stack of prescriptions leading up to the race, but a la Lance Armstrong he refuses to admit his obvious abuse of performance enhancing drugs. He’ll probably run the race with a 50 pound weight vest on. Not very prop-like Joseph.
Kevin Low has been running from his inner demons for years, and is therefore in excellent condition to smash out a quick half marathon before scurrying back to the bench press where he continues to sculpt his otherworldly pectorals. Seriously though, this guy has bigger guns than my last 3 girlfriends put together. It’s sexy in a very disturbing way.
Quinn Baak is built more like a stump than a runner, but after a disappointing end to his rugby season he’ll be looking to prove once again that he’s a cream of the crop athlete. Like Gimli in Lord of the Rings, we know he’s very dangerous over short distances, let’s see if he can stretch it out over a few clicks!
International man of mystery Carlin Marshall shaved his head years ago in order to be more aerodynamic for this exact event. Imagine the level of sacrifice it takes to rid oneself of one’s own hair all for a charity event years in the future. That’s our Carlin.
Last but not least: the only Crow that actually looks like a marathon runner, Kevin Fisher will undoubtedly have some stunning running attire and will likely be mistaken for a professional at the starting line. That is, until he shotguns a beer moments before the starting gun.
That’s the lineup ladies and gentlemen. A humble gang of brutes putting their bodies and reputations on the line all for the sake of an excellent charitable cause. Please help out by doing YOUR part and donating.
Crows fly together.
xoxo - Mystery Writer
Organizer
Kelowna Crows
Organizer
Kelowna, BC
