I'm Kelly, a single mom of the three best kids in the world and for the past 9 years I have been a stay at home mom. Over the last 9 years I have struggled with acknowledging and accepting that I have been in an emotionally and at times physically abusive relationship. I was married—technically, I still am but that will change very soon—to a person diagnosed with Narcisstic Personality Disorder. While I knew things were not ok, I never wanted to accept it; I was in denial. I attempted to protect my children from his actions, mannerisms, and the constant barrage and war that was our marriage. I attempted to protect my family and friends from the truth. Honestly, I say protect but in retrospect I was trying to hide it all from them, well attempting to hide it from them. It took many serious events over many years to realize that I was hiding and in denial and even more to do what was actually needed… protect myself and my children. While I have successfully initiated the dissolution of that marriage without severe physical wounds, the severe mental and emotional wounds are there and painfully deep. And as many who have gone through this know, whether personally, through a family member or friend, the abuse continues regardless of the status of the marriage, especially when you have kids. For me, right now, it is through my spouse’s use of the legal system.

I imagine it would really help you to have some more context. I feel like I owe you more context because asking for help is not easy especially after hiding for so long from people actively trying to open my eyes. Telling the story of my marriage would be long and difficult, because I would honestly have to start before the marriage even began. I think I should instead tell the story of when the marriage ended, specifically the self-aware decision to leave and highlights of events leading up to my plea for help.

One more time, I was standing there in complete disbelief, but this time I knew I WOULDN'T take anymore. He was telling me that grabbing me by the throat and pushing me up against a wall was "what I deserved” and that if anyone, even our children, were treated the way I was by him, he would ask them, "what they did to piss their spouse off.” Then, separating for the 3rd time, I moved in to my parents and he began bragging to me that he was using drugs two times a day every day or whenever he wanted (his drug use was another big issue in our marriage). I then told him he wouldn't see the kids until he stopped. He didn't like that and immediately speed over to my parents' home and began berating me and my family and even stood toe-to-toe, in my mother’s face and taunted her. I was absolutely terrified because he was being aggressive to someone other than me and it was my mother! I began hitting him with my crutches in order to get him away from her. Police were called he left and, a few weeks later, an unsolicited year-long Domestic Violence Order was approved.

Since then, he emptied all the money out of the bank accounts and I have relied solely on my parents for help. He broke into our marital home, after the kids and I moved back in even though he was required to vacate and stay away from the house as part of the domestic violence order. He then shut the power off while the kids and I were out of town with my sister and all the food in my refrigerator and freezer went bad. He has conspired with other adulterous and abusive fallen family friends to file false stalking reports just to drag me into court; only to have the case dismissed almost immediately due to my records and documentation proving the claims of stalking were completely fabricated. My ex and these fallen family friends now share the same lawyer and are working together to try and help my soon to be ex-husband in his upcoming custody battle.

Yesterday I spoke with a highly regarded attorney that is well versed and experienced with domestic abuse and is appalled at how my case has been handled thus far by my past legal representation. In the hour I sat with him for my consultation I received more counsel and care then I have in the last seven months with the last attorney. To date, I have been misinformed and pressured by my previous attorney to make decisions in order "avoid drama" or "keep the ex happy". But not this new attorney, he is the real deal and knows and outlined exactly what needs to be done. His retainer fee is $7500 but that’s just to get started. As you can imagine, I cannot get a loan because of the financial situation I am currently in. I've put my house up for sale and I am working as hard as I can to find a steady job and get my photography business going again.

I’ve said from the beginning that I don’t want money or stuff from him. I only want to be rid of his emotional and mental abuse and raise my children in an environment that I am not scared of what he might say or do to me or them. I need to pay this new attorney in the next two weeks in order to begin preparing for my custody hearing and then ultimately finalize my divorce. Any little bit would help us. It would allow me to finally get things moving and lift such weight off of our shoulders and help me fight for my kids.