Keep Rene's Lights On

This is my request for assistance while I await approval on my disability application. I’ve added up all my anticipated expenses for six months; everything from house and utility payments, doctor visits and medications to toiletries and household supplies not covered by SNAP benefits. The total came to approximately $8,800. In the spirit of utilizing the energies of numerology and angel numbers, I am seeking $8,888 to carry me through another six months until I can establish some long-term financial stability.

My Story; How I reached today...

My life took a dramatic & drastic turn in December 2018 when my chronic back pain reached the point that I could no longer sleep, stand, sit or walk. I began a medical leave of absence from my job and started the process of getting the necessary referrals and appointments with the appropriate specialists. I was soon referred to a neurologist and spinal surgeon specialist.

A full round of x-rays and an MRI of my entire spine led to a diagnosis of degenerative disc disease. It also became clear the issue was not limited to my lower back. There were also affected discs in my neck that needed to be addressed immediately and before the lower back, lest I make a wrong move and end up paralyzed. So, by the end of February 2019, I was undergoing what would turn out to be the first of three spinal surgeries that year.

After the successful neck fusion surgery and a few days in the hospital, I was sent home to recover and rest until my scheduled lumbar fusion surgery in late April. I spent about a week in the hospital after the lumbar surgery before transferring to an in-patient physical rehabilitation facility where I would spend the next six weeks being medically monitored and medicated around the clock along with physical and occupational rehabilitation therapy six days a week.

In mid-June, my very introverted self was beyond ready to return to my comfortable, familiar home and my crew of four-legged children; to this point, it was the longest I’d ever been away from them. And after diligently working on my therapy exercises, with the aid of a walker, I independently navigated myself around the gym, completing enough laps that I was deemed fit to be released home to continue recovering with at-home care. The day I was released from the rehab facility, I didn’t feel well. But, I was so ready to get home and had been anything but impressed with the facility’s physicians that I foolishly ignored the ill feelings, chalking it up to anxiety and frustration at the aggravatingly long discharge process.

I was at home for less than a week. On June 25, after being too weak to move and unable to eat, my at-home nurse visited and found both my temperature and blood pressure to be exceedingly low and my pulse difficult to find. So I was taken to the emergency room where they immediately began working to rehydrate me and find a working vein that would allow them to determine what was happening to me. It was soon found that I was in septic shock, complete with jaundice and the beginnings of organ failure resulting from the contraction of MRSA in my surgical wound during my stay at the rehab facility.

My next memory after the emergency room was waking up in the ICU and being informed that I needed to undergo an emergency washout surgery. This would be the third spinal surgery and meant, essentially, that everything from the previous lumbar fusion surgery had to be removed, thoroughly cleaned of infection and put back together. What I would not learn until the summer of 2022 was that before the washout surgery, I had been in the quarantined infectious disease section of the ICU for at least eight days under heavy sedation, just this side of a medically induced coma. Because I am allergic to the one broad-spectrum antibiotic that has been found to treat MRSA, the doctors and specialists had to determine the exact strain of MRSA that had infected my body so they could find the proper antibiotic to treat the infection. This would result in my being on IV antibiotics for several months, multiple trips to an infectious disease specialist and massive doses of oral antibiotics for the next year of my life.

As I do not have family to speak of, my best friend acted as my medical proxy, making decisions on my care and authorizing the necessary tests and procedures while I was unable to do so for myself. It was during the time I was sedated and unconscious that the doctors revealed their concern for the impact the sepsis had on my brain and cognitive function. She was told that if I woke up, she would need to make sure I knew who she was; that I remembered who I was. And while my mind does not work the way it once did, I am fortunate and grateful that the damage is not worse. There was also major concern about my liver function because of the sepsis, so I was visited regularly by a liver specialist throughout the remainder of my hospital stay. This included daily blood tests and an occasional ultrasound of my liver. Between my time in the ICU and on the hospital ward, in addition to the many IVs dripping fluids and medications into my body, I received nearly a dozen blood transfusions.

I was finally discharged to go home at the end of August 2019 where I would receive daily visits from one of two therapists (physical and occupational) and a home care nurse for another six weeks. I was also still on IV antibiotics, so I had a PICC line in my arm and had to learn to give myself the daily dose of IV medication until the infectious disease doctor switched me to oral antibiotics

I was still relearning to walk (for the second time), so I had to use a wheelchair until I graduated to a walker. Because my initial post-lumbar surgery physical therapy had been interrupted by the MSRA, sepsis & third surgery, I was struggling to use my arms. I couldn’t even raise my arms above my head, so I still had to rely on others to help me shower and dress. In many ways, this experience was a series of hard lessons in asking for help when needed.

My employer had been working with me to stretch my paid time off and short-term disability funds to keep me afloat until I could work again. Those funds were quickly running out, so they set me up with a computer that I could work from as much as possible between therapy visits and doctor appointments. However, between the exhaustion and fatigue of recovering from a protracted near-death experience and the fact they provided a desktop setup that I could only use at my kitchen table in my wheelchair, I was having difficulty logging many hours. In mid-October, I emailed my manager and the president of the company (it was a relatively small organization) to provide an update on my situation and request a laptop so I didn’t have to sit at my kitchen table in pain to work. During this time, I also realized I was struggling with my mental health after all I had been through and was seeking a psychologist that would accept my insurance. My physical therapist was working to get my insurance to cover outpatient physical therapy since I had met the limit on home visits. A week later, I received a phone call from the president of the company informing me that I was being terminated because of my disabilities. They canceled my insurance and refused to provide any information about COBRA coverage, so I have been unable to follow up on any doctor visits since October 2019 except for my primary care physician who I have to pay out of pocket to keep my prescriptions up to date.

This turned out to be my breaking point. I have dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life. But, having the final thread of the rug pulled out from under me when I was just starting to feel as if a complete comeback was possible completely broke me. I called my doctor the next morning and requested for the first time to be put on an antidepressant. It was eight weeks before I could get out of bed and face anything more challenging than feeding my critter crew.

I received a small severance, cashed out my 401k, sold my car, and leaned heavily on my credit card in an attempt to keep my bills paid. Fortunately for me, my work history includes training and experience with employment law and EEOC matters, so I knew that it was illegal to fire me because of my disabilities. In addition, they failed to even address my request for reasonable accommodations (a laptop). So, I filed a complaint with the EEOC and after 18 months, I had proven my case and was granted approval to file a wrongful termination lawsuit against the company. I found a lawyer and filed a lawsuit which resulted in a mediation and settlement that covered my expenses for the better part of a year.

I am still very wobbly, walk with a cane, cannot sit or stand for extended periods, cannot drive, am immunocompromised, cannot focus or concentrate for long, experience memory issues and brain fog, and deal with fatigue and exhaustion, particularly if I try to push myself too hard. But, I am so proud of how far I’ve come in my recovery. Despite everything seemingly working against me, I’ve crawled my way back from the brink of death, largely on my own. I can now take care of myself and my furbabies and keep up with basic chores like laundry and cooking. It has taken me the better part of four years to understand and accept that I can no longer push myself too far; my body does not allow it. And the toughest realization has been that I will never be able to work and do the things I did in my “previous life.”

I feel blessed that, in large part due to my spiritual community and my soul tribe family, I have come to understand that it’s both OK and necessary to ask for help when needed. I have now accepted the reality of my new life, eliminated every possible expense and signed up for as many programs like SNAP and the Accessible Connectivity Program that I can find. And I have applied for social security disability benefits. The stubbornly independent version of myself has not found this process to be at all easy. However, the things I have learned with and from my spiritual community combined with my newfound perspective on life have given me the confidence to heed the signs from the Universe, walk in faith and ask in specific terms for what I need and want, not only from the Universe but also from the people in my life.

So, this is my request for assistance while I await approval on my disability application. I’ve added up all my anticipated expenses for six months; everything from house and utility payments, doctor visits and medications to toiletries and household supplies not covered by SNAP benefits. The total came to approximately $8,800. In the spirit of utilizing the energies of numerology and angel numbers, I am seeking $8,888 to carry me through another six months until I can establish some long-term financial stability.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If called to do so, please share as you see fit.

Gratitude, Love & Light,

Rene

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