I haven't been posting anything original much of late. So here is the update Facebook fam.

2024 was the year from hell. I had not long tore my left knee ACL and MCL at the end of 2023. The damage there caused my right knee to develop tears and fastly developing arthritis. I sprained my left foot at our previous house causing lingering pain. My left knee redislocated causing me to fall and my right foot folding under itself causing a broken big toe and extensive lingering pain in my right foot. The use of crutches has exasperated my mild carpal tunnel to a point where previously it was not detected on nerve conduction but only ultrasound. Now it is off the chart of nerve recordings. I can no longer use crutches so my long delayed acl surgery is indefinitely delayed. The different walk gait has meant I have a pinched sciatic nerve from a disc on my right side. Everything but my knees is in dispute. So there is a legal battle going on for liability and treatments which are not happening and completely drowning my life. While I have capacity to work sedentary style, my employer will not give suitable duties. I cannot work anywhere else because it will be for free and deducted from my compensation. Caring and participating with my son is limited these days and a big strain.

The past year my son broke his collar bone.

We've euthanised 2 pets this year.

I lost my mother unexpectedly which inadvertently put a strain on the house.

I lost my grandmother whom I never got to farewell.

I've helped others as selflessly as I can. And I thank those that have helped us in any way. With our rental catchup the biggest point of stress I cannot give my son a birthday party or everything I wanted to do for him. While that guilt will fade the main thing is keeping our rental. I do not have 5-6k to move so please don't suggest it. It's simply a cycle of catchup we are stuck in. We have nowhere to go if evicted besides a shelter. We have no family help. I am completely abandoned, a feeling that long resonated before all these instances but now is just plainly paramount. Remember Tobias is a donor baby, I don't get child support. Yes I utilise our food banks and other services which are amazing to help us. But they can't help with this. We are doing everything right and struggling for the moment only.

This isn't the norm. I've never had this issue before. It's alien, fucking terrifying and worse because we are utterly alone.

My mental health is at such a point. I can't go on a grippy sock holiday which I really need for myself because there's no family to take my son for weeks. My brothers had another half to lean on or bare the state of things. I don't have that. At all. I don't get to toilet alone lol, shower alone, sleep alone. I can't checkout for a day because I have to pick him up from daycare. I am utterly drained, so if I don't appear happy to friends or as responsive it isn't you I just can't give anything to the moment because I don't have it.

Of course I truly understand the cost of living pressures most of us are feeling. If you want to or can help this is the gofundme link which is an unbelievably hard thing to do and ask. But here we are.