Nearly 15 years ago I started teaching people how to load a film camera, mix chemistry, and watch an image appear in a tray of developer for the first time.

That grew into Little Vintage Photography and Liverpool Darkroom — a proper home for analogue photography in this city, and honestly, one of the best things I've ever built.

I've since become an ILFORD Darkroom Educator, started co-hosting the Sunny 16 Podcast, and watched a whole community grow up around something as unique, imperfect and beautiful as film.

I love what I do with a passion, and sharing it with others (especially now we're surrounded by so much that is artificially generated) feels more vital than ever. But building it has taken everything I've got and it's genuinely hard for me to write this next part.

A few months ago I collapsed in the street, out of the blue. I have since been diagnosed with a neurological disability which causes seizures, loss of speech, tremors and episodes of paralysis.

Unfortunately there is a big hole in the healthcare system in terms of treatment and there's no medication I can take, so I'm having to figure out another plan.

The cost for alternative routes to support are out of our reach, and in the meantime I'm trying to keep some form of my business (and the community around it) going whilst managing a disability that unfortunately doesn't care what's on the schedule.

If you know me, you know I don't ask for help easily. I'm much more used to being the person who shows up for other people - perhaps teaching them something new, cheering them on or sharing the frustrations and the joy, so asking you instead, for me, is a big thing.

What this would go towards:

1) Taxis to help me get around independently. To appointments, to the library, to my darkroom, even to the park maybe? - I miss the trees soooo damn much!

Unfortunately my husband doesn't drive and we also have a 5yr old daughter and a 105 yr old dog, so at the moment I am mostly housebound and anything like taking our daughter swimming costs more than we can afford and takes them over an hour each way on several buses.

2) Cost of treatment or private care so my condition doesn't get even worse whilst waiting to see if there's any support available via NHS or whether research catches up.

3) Keeping the lights on at Little Vintage Photography / Liverpool Darkroom — rent, chemicals, materials, software, upkeep

4) Making up for classes and sessions I've had to scale back or cancel

5) Helping me pay the bills (because sadly they don't stop even when you can't earn and don't have sick pay because, well... self-employed).

For someone like me, losing the ability to speak and communicate properly, to not being able to rely on or trust my body, or being able to just GET ON with all the stuff that I need to do... having all of that taken away, out of the blue has been incredibly frustrating.

It's also a disability (described as the brain's signals misfiring) that carries a lot of shame and misunderstanding as the episodes can fluctuate, the speech slurring and loss can change, the ability to walk can be there one moment and gone the next.

I've suddenly found myself in the middle of a whole new world of explanation and justification that I am ill-equipped to deal with, but which is very, very real.

I'm determined that I'll do whatever I can to keep the knowledge, community and education that I have built alive, I just need help to make sure it doesn't disappear for good.

And I suppose, most importantly it's about giving myself the room, time and space to actually get well, instead of trying to hold everything up at once (the MOST difficult part).

If you're able to give, thank you — truly, it means more than you will probably ever know.

If you can't, sharing this post or telling someone else about the darkroom, my website, signing up to my email newsletter etc etc. helps just as much.

Thank you for reading all the way to the end. It means the world.

Rachel

littlevintagephotography.co.uk