hi there!

my name is kaya and i am looking for help with paying back my student loans.

i have been making payments regularly since October 2023, am currently enrolled in school, and am looking to shift my way of life toward a more sustainable and conscious way of being.

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where to start? i am a medical school dropout. in 2021 i made the decision to withdraw from an MD program after facing increasing difficulty managing my mental and emotional well-being. after dedicating 10+ years of high school, college and graduate education to the achievement of the degree, i was reckoning with how little i actually resonated with how medicine is taught, practiced, and the general realities of the profession. i took a leap of faith when i saw clearly that every positive change i had made prior still did not bring relief to the suffering caused by a deep feeling of misalignment. i burnt out. achievement, material success, and prestige in society were taught to me from a young age to be some of the highest goals in life. unlearning this kind of programming took me on a journey of a deep self-acceptance, love, and a genuine and heartfelt call toward service. learning that love could flow freely and not be earned inspired me to step off the track i had been living my life on till then.

since that moment, i have focused on growth. i got a job at a lab and worked my way up from scanning test tubes to doing data analysis. i learned how to support myself, i dove deeper into learning how to support others, i found a relationship to spirituality and faith i never had before. i became a Reiki Master, i offered free life coaching and support, i wrote poetry and focused on helping others come into a deeper awareness of their own authenticity, making peace with their inner worlds. but largely, i was just floating by; i became afraid of committing to future plans, scared of another catastrophic failure. eventually, i broke under the pressure again, under the grind of barely making minimum payments every month, unable to save more than a month's worth of rent because of recurrent emergency expenses, and once again being filled with a sense of misalignment, burnout, and increasing existential depression.

this story isn't unique to me, but it is one i feel is important to share. so many of us are drowning in infinitely subtle ways that slowly chip away at our physical health and emotional and mental well-being, as we drain our spirit of joy, fulfillment, and nourishment, just so we can survive in an increasingly demanding world.

i have graciously been given time to recover, recenter, and find alignment by my family. however, i see the strain i put on them (no parent wants to watch their child struggle to find their place in the world..). i have committed to a 6 month massage therapy program to learn a skill i can use to gradually get myself out of the debt i accrued after a year and a half of medical school, which at the moment of writing this equals a little over $65,000. i am committed to seeing this through, to breaking the shackles of this financial burden, to taking ownership over choosing a path of alignment, rather than self-sacrifice for the sake of achievement. i know i can pay this off. i know i will pay it off. the reason why i am here, writing this, is to open up to the possibility that this process can flow with more ease, with support, with empathy. here i am, sitting in vulnerability, surrendering to asking for help. it is my deep belief that all things are made possible by our collective choice to make them so, and i am eager to give my share, to offer that which i can in life, here and now, and in future moments. more than anything, i seek to let go of this burden, so that i may finally live a life of generosity, the freedom to be and give as i am, to flow with the needs of those around me. if you find it in your heart to help me get there, i would be beyond grateful. thank you from the depths of my heart of hearts.

thank you for taking the time to read and hear my story. if you find yourself resonating, feeling a genuine and spontaneous desire to help stirring in your heart, i would be grateful to receive your kindness, and generosity. thank you. thank you. thank you.

blessings on your life journey. i wish only the highest good for you and yours.