Please Help Katie enjoy the last ~357 days of her life.

* - If all goes according to plan with a (Medical Assistance in Dying, hereafter MAID) charity

Hi there, my name is Katherine - I'm a very silly woman with a very bad set of circumstances, a series of unfortunate events you might say. I try my best to bring as much joy and whimzee to my day to day life as possible - which is an increasingly hard task.

I like a lot of things. I really do! I can't do most of them anymore, if any of them on the worst days - but I can do some things here and there. I used to protest whenever I could, however I've lost that part of myself now almost entirely.

I genuinely apologize if I come across as non-serious or whatever, please understand that I find it easiest to discuss things like my health or whatever through an absurdist lens - I am not trying to make a mockery of anything other than myself - and even that is just my front. Because things AREN'T GREAT!

Let's talk about how not great they are!

Since the age of 7 years old I've suffered from Chronic Widespread Fibromyalgia. From head to toe I'm in pretty horrific pain, slipping into my fingers and constantly wearing me down to the point of this becoming too much for me to physically withstand continuing to live over. I seem to have a really weird version of it, just my luck, where instead of being non-progressive it's done nothing but get worse and worse every year of my life.

Due to the early age of this, it ruined my schooling. It began with struggling to hold pencils and pens, it moved into struggling to focus and listen, then eventually I was unable to even attend classes. Throughout I had minimal support, being told that I was being a baby and berated by everyone from students to teachers. It ruined my ability to get into any form of proper work.

I managed to live alone for a good while, but it became harder and harder to be a person over that time. I've eventually, slowly, lost everyone in my life. I don't have my parents in my life and even if I did they're in no economic position to get me proper assistance. I've not got a workplace in which I can meet new people, I've lost a lot of self-confidence and am barely the person I used to be.

Over the course of COVID, I managed to catch it twice. The first time it messed up my lungs pretty badly - though they're not actually sure what's up with them; I feel unable to fill my lungs properly often yet my lungs pass spiro-whatever tests. The second time? I now deal with even more fatigue that refuses to recover 2 years later. Joyous! I love being unable to do nothing!

Understandably this has made me very very depressed. So depressed, in fact, that the Pain Clinic in my city doesn't even allow me to be seen as a patient because I'm seen as "Too Depressed".

This is despite:

A - My depression originating from my agony

B - My acceptance and attempt of every medical procedure I've been offered.

I've got other mental health difficulties, too, but the long and short of it is "Things are very very bad for me and I would like them to stop".

So, Why are you Dying?

Effectively every day I have is depressing, lonely, and empty. The one big thing that keeps me alive is being able to choose a death date. When looking at 80 years of life in which my pain will get worse constantly? Where there is no in-sight relief for what I've got.

Well, then it becomes really obvious why I might want to die. A thing I have to explain sometimes is that opting for MAID is actually life extension. The alternative was very much going to be 0 time at all.

I'd wanted to fill my last 3 years with as much joy as I could, to try and live properly. And for a while I did, especially as I got more access to things like Adult Disability Benefits (after an extended time of being delayed, shout out to my fellow ADBheads - it's a nightmare to get) - I was able to get my hands on some crutches that let me move around a lot more.

Unfortunately, the crutches have begun to cause physical harm to my body, too. Where I live doesn't exactly permit using a ride-on, plus it's not super convenient. Anyways, point being, things are bad. If I had the choice to be alive and pain free, that would be what I'd pick - unfortunately, that's not an option for me. I did not make the decision to die lightly. I have done everything I can, but the time is coming to rest - and I look forward to feeling pain free for the first time in forever.

As such, I've been in discussion with a MAID charity to end my life. I've recently sent away all of my documentation after months of problems with my medical doctors and such. That said, it's in their hands about whether or not my application goes through properly - but I will be dying, regardless.

What have I tried, you might ask?

Well.

I can't name everything primarily due to having been trying different treatments for around 10 years at this point. What I can say is I've tried every single painkiller thats ever been offered to me, every anti-depressant wears off, every anti-anxiety medication causes harm.

I've attended Therapy, Psychology, Acupuncture, Physiotherapy, Massage, Light Exercise, Resting frequently, so on and so forth. Each day I take 33 or so pills, 2 inhalers, and 1 liquid medication. Each year I eat about 1.22kg of active medicine ingredient. I'm really, really trying my best - but my pain has not improved.

The only thing I've ever found that helps is being in a Mediterranean Climate - but that effect begins to wear off after 8 days and, even if it didn't, I wouldn't be able to afford the ongoing medical costs to keep buying my medication - not to mention it only delaying things a short while until my pain gets worse still. Returning from this climate causes even worse pain as I re-acclimate, too, so I can't just pop back and forth either.

There is nowhere in the world I can live that can support me - and I have no way to support myself.

So, what's the plan for the money?

Everyone has something they want to do in their life, right?

I used to have a lot of dreams, but I lost a lot of them. That said, I want to do some things before I die. I want to experience things with my time. Unfortunately I don't have a lot to my name - even less still when accounting for time. While someone else might have 30 years to enjoy the world? To save up slowly and experience things. I really don't have that time.

I want to try and use the money to do a couple more things. I want to see more of the world, hard as it might be. I want to go to sleep knowing that I had fun. I can't be saved and I can't be tended, but I can make what I did live beautiful.

Some of the dreams I'd want to fulfill are:

There's a bunch of other stuff, I've forgotten a lot of them. I had to check my written list to remember these. I've forgotten a lot of things. I want to feel a little more access to the world. That £2,000 pricetag won't cover all that, but if I get enough for all that, that'd be cool.

There is my own benefits income to add to it, too, but yeah. I'm doing my best with this. I'll be honest, I'm a bit clueless. I hope I filled this in right, I'm not sure if I did. But I'm trying my best. My brain is very foggy thanks to my fibro, haha.

What questions can I think of that you might want answered?

Q - Why put this in medical?

A - Because my problems come from my medical conditions

Q - Why should we trust you?

A - I don't know, but I can tell you I'm just desperate. I've tried my best to type as my genuine self in here, but if there's some kind of evidence or whatever I can submit I'll do it I guess? I'm typing this in a very sad little time, hoping I can convey myself properly to you all.

Q - What will excess money go to?

A - Anything that goes unspent before Its Time will be used to fly my friend and I out to the country of death. We'll all spend a long time together before I die.

Q - Do you think this will all help?

A - I really hope it does.

Q - Why 500 days?

A - At time of writing, I am aiming to die on February 14 2026 - this will be my 27th birthday. I thought it was be a good point to end at, both for being a reasonable period of time (not too long or too short) and for the poetry of it all.

-=If you have any questions, please let me know. I'll try my best. I'm sorry If I did this wrong=-