Friends and comrades:

I regret that I have to ask once again for help with rent this month, and for help with upcoming moving expenses. While I usually don’t like to talk publicly about the details of my precarious housing, I’m doing so now because my recent ex-partner has refused to pay their portion of rent on our shared apartment—despite the fact that they routinely verbally and emotionally abused me over the last 5 years.

The verbal assaults included monitoring and controlling my movements and activities, calling me a “piece of shit” and an “asshole” frequently, and occasionally insulting my racialized physical features and/or comparing me to a “nazi” when I disagreed with them on substantive matters, or simply with their treatment of me. (In addition to being Black and trans, I’m also directly descended from multiple Jewish victims of the 3rd Reich, so that was especially tacky on their part, I think). They also heavily policed my sexuality—I was, for example, not permitted to watch porn or masturbate for about 4 years of our relationship.

Since leaving me, suddenly, “for their own safety,” and moving in with their other partners rent-free, my ex has denied responsibility for the rest of our shared lease, which ends this month, arguing that they have “compensated” me by leaving their unwanted possessions behind in the apartment for me to remove. They also left our dog—a rescue pit bull with PTSD and separation anxiety—behind for me to care for or rehome on my own, a painful process that is still underway, and that has prevented me from finding a more substantial source of income than my weekly unemployment checks.

They have isolated me from our mutual friends and partners, presenting me as a dangerous and threatening person—even though that’s a common lie told about Black people in general and Trans women and Black trans women in particular. It still hurts and makes me feel ashamed, even though I am not in fact dangerous to them or anyone else.

The reason they ended our relationship was that, in the context of a newly non-monogamous opening up, I chose a partner they had not preapproved, and before I could tell them about the situation, they learned about my cheating on them by reading my DMs to an online friend. Refusing to pay their half of the rent is simply one more way my ex has decided to use to punish and humiliate me on the way out.

I am not thrilled to be exposing all my private drama online, in order to ask for help and cash. I particularly don’t like asking for help paying the rent for my ex, who apparently believes that being a Black trans woman gives me special access to magic online money resources, arguing that crowdfunding is “easier” for me, and therefore my responsibility in paying their debts. Especially, I regret being forced again to ask for help, because it is actually quite easy to exhaust the goodwill of my online friends and community, who shouldn’t be asked to subsidize my ex.

But unfortunately, my ex is insisting on doing their best to maximize my humiliation and precariousness as long as they can. I’m glad to be out of the relationship and looking forward to a happier and more stable future without the fear of being constantly torn down, and with some time to recover. If there’s anything you can do to help in this stressful transitional period, it’s much appreciated, and if not, more than understood