Hi, it's Karlie, speaking from a hotel room in Kelowna.

I'm going to be crying throughout the completion of this present task.

I haven't reached out for help as I have been reaching inside for strength. Thank you to a dear friend for encouraging me to do this great ask, again.

It has been a hellish last 2 months. It all started in May when I hurt my left breast on the wood-splitter, not my breast cancer side but my innocent by-stander booby. Just as my hair was starting to grow back from treatments and I was beginning to recognize myself in the mirror again, wham, I hurt myself. The fir round was too big and when it split, the grain held on and it spun weird and I caught it with my chest...I waited 2 weeks in disbelief before going into the ER, and yes, I had damaged myself. It was confirmed through ultrasound. Then I waited 3 months to have it repaired. Taking me into August when they did a replacement surgery, here in Kelowna.

Since August of this year my body has been in an epic fight to stay alive.

I was rushed back here on the 18th of October with sepsis and a rejection of the implant, leaving me destroyed both physically and mentally.

A black hole had opened up and It took 2 nights on IV antibiotics and another surgery to bring me back. I am still not completely back but am very close to where I was before May.

At the time of my breast cancer diagnosis in 2020 the reconstruction seemed like the only thing I had any control over. I felt that after all the treatments were done and I still had breasts, I would come out a winner. And I would be alright with that.

This last time when I arrived for emergency surgery I told them I was ready to take them both out... I am mentally, emotionally, financially exhausted, my body is beyond exhausted and I am finally ready to relinquish ALL control. I feel I have cried enough tears for 20 years in the last 3.

Tonight I am in Kelowna again. I have been here for almost 2 weeks and am waiting for the drains to come out before I can return home.

The surgeons did not want to to open me up on both sides, as my breast cancer side is healed up beautifully. So I am starting again with an expander on the left side. They have convinced me that it will be okay, that I can still have breasts after this nightmare is over.

Mom has been with me, and I have my puppy as support.

I also began my studies in September to become an Addictions counselor. My average was 95.5% and then I had to give up my studies to deal with this...

I spoke to the school and I will have to work to catch up but I can and I will do that. I also missed my 6 year sobriety date on the 16th of this month, but I will celebrate my 7th year, next year.

I'm working towards less stress in this life.

I will NOT use the wood-splitter anymore.

My goals are still within reach.

I have my life and a little body that refuses to give-up.

Tonight I am reliving the last 8 weeks and doing my best to translate it into words, tears flowing knowing I have been set back, but also very sure that I am not out of the game.

This fund will help to create a soft place to land.

Some assurance that everything will be okay, no matter what comes...

The ability to buy the healing food that my body needs to recover.

The peace of mind that comes from being held and supported by my family and friends. To be witnessed in my humanity. To be seen and heard in my humanness. To be felt in this human condition.

Blessings and love,

Karlie