Hi. My name is Xanthiel. I'm a 30yo queer Asian person (they/them) currently living in a toxic, dangerous household without the means to leave. I have debilitating anxiety, suicidal depression, and PTSD. Working or doing anything for myself is often impossible, and my mom and my "blood family" are massive triggers and the cause of the majority of my mental illness. I used to be an activist for queer Asian liberation but had to step away because of a series of traumatic events; as a result, I lost my career, my community, and chosen family. Just when I thought I was starting to recover from this and regain some sense of control over my own life, I lost the love of my life and the only family I had left in the entire world: my dog, Jake. He is with me in the picture I posted, but he is gone from this world.

I feel like I have so little to live for. I can't seek treatment because I have trauma from previous mental health "care." I just need... something. Maybe if I can at least get myself somewhere safer, I can come up for air. I've never moved out or lived on my own--largely due to the reasons I mentioned above. I don't know how much it would cost to find a place and pay rent/utilities and maintain my car and... idek what else. I'm hoping I can move in to a new place, start to heal, and feel okay enough to start earning some money to pay for my own things. I feel like $10,000 would be good because I don't know how long or difficult it will be to get back on my feet... but I'm setting my goal at $5,000 because I'm not optimistic.