Help Me Pay for Oral Surgery
Donation protected
Last updated: June 10th, 2019
(If this is too long for you to read, just focus on the bolded parts, please.)
I apologize for asking, but I could really use your help.
Admittedly, it was very difficult for me to make this campaign, because I don’t like to look weak or vulnerable and I am so afraid of what could happen if the wrong person were to see this. I don’t enjoy feeling like an easy target, and putting this information out there makes me feel exactly that.
However, it needed to be done. So here I am.
Before I begin, allow me to introduce myself.
I’m Aria, a 23-year-old, mentally and chronically ill, pansexual, queer, and nonbinary individual. I use they/them/their pronouns, identify as a feminist, and I hope to become an author and a psychologist someday to help people like me. My goal is to always do as much good in this world as I can, and to actively fight against the darkness in people's lives.
I'm also poor. I always have been, and I probably always will be.
I live with my mom, a disabled veteran, who suffers from PTSD due to a terrible car accident she had many years before I was born. My mom and I both have depression and anxiety disorder, but my mom also experiences a wide variety of problems that I can only imagine. The pain she is in is immense and, as many of you can probably guess, the VA (Veterans Affairs) doesn’t do much to help out. She is suffering, and I see her get worse all the time. The VA is actively trying to take away her medications, and I can see it making her mental and physical health worse.
We live together because we are both struggling a lot with our illnesses and we are too poor to live independently. I am her only support system, and she is one of my only supporters. Without each other, I don't know what we would do.
We live off of her disability checks and have no other source of income at this time. That means that we are in a difficult financial bind pretty much all the time. We barely scrape by, and sometimes don't know if we will have enough food to get through the month. If we had an emergency, I think it would completely ruin our lives.
My father *used to* have money, but he hardly spent it on us. When we still lived with him, he would buy cars, trucks, or Harley Davidsons for himself but complain about how he was “too poor” to buy diapers, food, or clothes for me. When my parents divorced, my dad refused to pay child support. It wasn't until college when my dad decided to finally help us out.
My dad was willing to help us pay for it despite not being a big part of our lives anymore, and my grandma had saved a bit for college for me before she passed away. Without them, I don't think I would have made it. Getting into college was extremely difficult, and I never thought I would be able to afford to go.
Thanks to their help, Mom and I did okay. Now, though, that help is gone and we are on our own.
Dad had used his retirement money to help with college, but that money ran out in May. He is now just as broke as my mom and I are, and is struggling to take care of himself and his cat. He won't be helping us any time soon.
I graduated from college on May 4th, 2019, but am unfortunately unemployed. My mother and I recently moved into low-income housing because we just didn't have the $575 a month to keep living where we were. For a while, homelessness seemed like an incredibly serious threat.
Now, money is tighter than ever, and we both fear that our current rent of $279 a month might still be too high for us to really handle. What's more, we worry that if I get a job, our rent will go up, but I won't be able to make enough money to actually help pay it. We feel trapped and in a serious financial bind, and we aren't completely sure what to do.
We are both anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed, and this is a lot to have to worry about on top of all the typical stresses of our daily lives. It seems that our problems keep piling on, and we are both a little scared of the outcome.
Unfortunately, our situation is only getting worse.
On March 6th, 2019, I was told I needed surgery on my mouth. The surgery costs $3,000. After the surgery is done, I'd need a crown, which costs another $3,000.
That means I somehow need to get $6,000!
And the fact is, I don't have that kind of money. If we can barely afford rent and other essentials, we certainly can't afford to fix my mouth.
Dad can’t help pay for that; with his retirement fund about to run dry, he is soon going to be living off of only $100 more than what Mom makes a month. His social security checks wouldn’t be able to cover this surgery or the crown.
My mom obviously can’t pay for that. She has no money in savings and has to worry about things like credit card debt.
My one living grandma can’t pay for that. She had to declare bankruptcy and has her own financial trouble.
Any family I have that *could* pay for that? Wouldn’t. Either they are cheap or they don’t see me as a “real” member of the family (because I’m my mom’s child and they hate my mom).
No one in my family who can help pay for this would be willing to do so, and anyone who would be willing to help can't afford to do it. That means I have no choice but to ask for your help.
I hate asking for help, but I am desperate. Without the surgery, I could eventually lose my front teeth.
Part of my gums have to be removed in order to save my teeth, and a procedure like that is expensive.
That sounds hard to believe; I couldn't believe it either. But this is the reality of my situation, and no matter how much I wish it wasn't true, it is. I need to come up with a lot of money and fast.
I only *just* found a dentist that accepts my insurance after years of searching, and unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover much more than a cleaning. Asking for donations was my only option to make this surgery happen.
I'm sorry to ask so much of people. I wouldn't do it if I had any other choice.
So please, if you can help me, help me. I am honestly begging you. Share this campaign, donate, do whatever you can do. I am desperate, and I cannot do this without you.
You don’t have to donate if you can’t afford it. I know many of you probably have your own struggles and worries right now, and I don’t want you to feel guilty or feel obligated to help me, especially if you can’t. But I do hope you’ll at least share this on Tumblr so that someone who *can* help will see this.
As someone who knows the guilt of not being able to give money to worthy causes or to people in need because you have none to give, I would never want to make someone feel that way. I don’t want people who are suffering to feel bad, to look at this and go, “I hate that I can’t help them. I’m a horrible person.” I don’t want people going, “Wow, that person has it worse than I do; now I feel bad for complaining about my own life.” I don’t want to add to anyone’s struggles or trigger anyone’s personal financial anxieties. I don’t want to put people through any pain, and so making this post was not an easy decision for me.
I made this campaign because I *had* to make it. And I really, really hope that someone somewhere will consider helping me.
I do have one more request: please do not share this campaign or my story on Facebook or Twitter. I know that GoFundMe encourages you to share it there, but I'm terrified that my abusive ex-boyfriends or bullies from my past may find this campaign, and may use it to attack me in some way.
My past abusers are on Facebook, as well as many people who have hurt me and/or bullied me throughout my life. I’m deathly afraid of one of those people finding me, and I’m worried that if they see this story, they’ll figure out who I am and come after me.
GoFundMe shares my location, which is the last thing I need those people to find. I am absolutely terrified of the idea that these people will somehow figure out who I am, hunt me down, and ruin my life. I truly believe these people are a danger to me, regardless of how illogical that may be.
I'm sure that sounds silly, but this is a real and serious fear that I have, and the last thing I want is for them to somehow find me and go after me. I'm afraid of being hurt more than I already have been, and afraid of details about my life or my location getting into the wrong hands. I hope you can understand.
Thank you for any help you can give, even if all you can give is your thoughts. I sincerely do appreciate anything you can do, no matter how small.
I would like to send out a big thank you to everyone who has helped me so far. It is truly a privilege to have the help of so many wonderful people, and it means the world to me that so many people took time out of their busy schedules to spread this campaign, took money out of their bank accounts to provide money for my surgery, and spent so much energy being supportive and kind to me in my time of need. Thank you so much to everyone who has been of service. It really means a lot. There are no words to express to you how thankful I really am, or how much it means to me.
***
Thank you to everyone for your kindness and generosity! I really appreciate all of the help and support that I have been getting.
But please don’t let this campaign die!
I know that $6,000 is a massive goal, and a difficult one to reach. I know that it is overwhelming and possibly triggering to continually have to think about this campaign, especially when there are so many other campaigns out there for people in worse situations than mine and especially when so many of you have your own problems. I know that this is hard on you, and I know for many of you, money is tight and you don’t necessarily have the mental or emotional energy to keep thinking about this.
I understand.
I want you to take care of yourself and to put yourself first. I want you to prioritize your mental health above all else and make sure you have the money you need to survive. It’s okay if you can’t do much for me right now.
But please, try not to let this campaign die. If you can find the time and strength to share it on Tumblr one more time or to tell your friends about it, please do.
I could really use the help, and the longer it takes for me to fix this tooth, the worse the problem will get and the less likely it’ll be that I can save it.
I really hope you understand how important this is to me- and how much I appreciate all of you and all that you have done to help me.
Thank you.
***
Note: Thanks to your contributions, I *had* raised $721.53 for my surgery by May 2nd, 2019. However, on May 14th, 2019, I had to pay a $61.16 bill using money from this campaign, because it was the only money I had at the time. Then, on June 7th, 2019, I had to use $69.32 from this campaign to buy food, because I had no other money to spend. And since there have been no donations between today (June 10th, 2019) and May 2nd, 2019, I only have $591.05 saved up for my surgery.
I apologize for having to put your money to other uses. I wish there had been another way. I have no intention of doing that again if I can help it. Please understand that my family is struggling, and it is not my intent to be greedy or selfish here. I am so sorry for having to ask for your help, and especially sorry that some of that help aided me in ways you didn't anticipate. I wish there was a way for me to pay you back, but sadly, I don't think there is anything I can do. I hope that, someday, you'll be able to forgive me. And I hope you know how very grateful I am to all of you.
***
Just so you know, GoFundMe takes a portion of your donation for themselves. So if you sent me $25, I only get about $23. If you send me $50, I only get about $45. Etc.
This makes reaching my $6,000 goal very difficult, so I may potentially have to continue to request money even after GoFundMe claims I have received $6,000 already.
I have received donations in other ways, but I would prefer that people who do not know me well use the GoFundMe to donate.
You may notice that the GoFundMe page claims I earned less than I actually have; that is because I have gotten donations from other locations.
Basically, you can’t trust GoFundMe to give you an accurate idea of how much I have actually received. But I promise you can trust me.
I will keep you updated the best that I can.
Again, thank you so much.
With love,
Aria
(If this is too long for you to read, just focus on the bolded parts, please.)
I apologize for asking, but I could really use your help.
Admittedly, it was very difficult for me to make this campaign, because I don’t like to look weak or vulnerable and I am so afraid of what could happen if the wrong person were to see this. I don’t enjoy feeling like an easy target, and putting this information out there makes me feel exactly that.
However, it needed to be done. So here I am.
Before I begin, allow me to introduce myself.
I’m Aria, a 23-year-old, mentally and chronically ill, pansexual, queer, and nonbinary individual. I use they/them/their pronouns, identify as a feminist, and I hope to become an author and a psychologist someday to help people like me. My goal is to always do as much good in this world as I can, and to actively fight against the darkness in people's lives.
I'm also poor. I always have been, and I probably always will be.
I live with my mom, a disabled veteran, who suffers from PTSD due to a terrible car accident she had many years before I was born. My mom and I both have depression and anxiety disorder, but my mom also experiences a wide variety of problems that I can only imagine. The pain she is in is immense and, as many of you can probably guess, the VA (Veterans Affairs) doesn’t do much to help out. She is suffering, and I see her get worse all the time. The VA is actively trying to take away her medications, and I can see it making her mental and physical health worse.
We live together because we are both struggling a lot with our illnesses and we are too poor to live independently. I am her only support system, and she is one of my only supporters. Without each other, I don't know what we would do.
We live off of her disability checks and have no other source of income at this time. That means that we are in a difficult financial bind pretty much all the time. We barely scrape by, and sometimes don't know if we will have enough food to get through the month. If we had an emergency, I think it would completely ruin our lives.
My father *used to* have money, but he hardly spent it on us. When we still lived with him, he would buy cars, trucks, or Harley Davidsons for himself but complain about how he was “too poor” to buy diapers, food, or clothes for me. When my parents divorced, my dad refused to pay child support. It wasn't until college when my dad decided to finally help us out.
My dad was willing to help us pay for it despite not being a big part of our lives anymore, and my grandma had saved a bit for college for me before she passed away. Without them, I don't think I would have made it. Getting into college was extremely difficult, and I never thought I would be able to afford to go.
Thanks to their help, Mom and I did okay. Now, though, that help is gone and we are on our own.
Dad had used his retirement money to help with college, but that money ran out in May. He is now just as broke as my mom and I are, and is struggling to take care of himself and his cat. He won't be helping us any time soon.
I graduated from college on May 4th, 2019, but am unfortunately unemployed. My mother and I recently moved into low-income housing because we just didn't have the $575 a month to keep living where we were. For a while, homelessness seemed like an incredibly serious threat.
Now, money is tighter than ever, and we both fear that our current rent of $279 a month might still be too high for us to really handle. What's more, we worry that if I get a job, our rent will go up, but I won't be able to make enough money to actually help pay it. We feel trapped and in a serious financial bind, and we aren't completely sure what to do.
We are both anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed, and this is a lot to have to worry about on top of all the typical stresses of our daily lives. It seems that our problems keep piling on, and we are both a little scared of the outcome.
Unfortunately, our situation is only getting worse.
On March 6th, 2019, I was told I needed surgery on my mouth. The surgery costs $3,000. After the surgery is done, I'd need a crown, which costs another $3,000.
That means I somehow need to get $6,000!
And the fact is, I don't have that kind of money. If we can barely afford rent and other essentials, we certainly can't afford to fix my mouth.
Dad can’t help pay for that; with his retirement fund about to run dry, he is soon going to be living off of only $100 more than what Mom makes a month. His social security checks wouldn’t be able to cover this surgery or the crown.
My mom obviously can’t pay for that. She has no money in savings and has to worry about things like credit card debt.
My one living grandma can’t pay for that. She had to declare bankruptcy and has her own financial trouble.
Any family I have that *could* pay for that? Wouldn’t. Either they are cheap or they don’t see me as a “real” member of the family (because I’m my mom’s child and they hate my mom).
No one in my family who can help pay for this would be willing to do so, and anyone who would be willing to help can't afford to do it. That means I have no choice but to ask for your help.
I hate asking for help, but I am desperate. Without the surgery, I could eventually lose my front teeth.
Part of my gums have to be removed in order to save my teeth, and a procedure like that is expensive.
That sounds hard to believe; I couldn't believe it either. But this is the reality of my situation, and no matter how much I wish it wasn't true, it is. I need to come up with a lot of money and fast.
I only *just* found a dentist that accepts my insurance after years of searching, and unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover much more than a cleaning. Asking for donations was my only option to make this surgery happen.
I'm sorry to ask so much of people. I wouldn't do it if I had any other choice.
So please, if you can help me, help me. I am honestly begging you. Share this campaign, donate, do whatever you can do. I am desperate, and I cannot do this without you.
You don’t have to donate if you can’t afford it. I know many of you probably have your own struggles and worries right now, and I don’t want you to feel guilty or feel obligated to help me, especially if you can’t. But I do hope you’ll at least share this on Tumblr so that someone who *can* help will see this.
As someone who knows the guilt of not being able to give money to worthy causes or to people in need because you have none to give, I would never want to make someone feel that way. I don’t want people who are suffering to feel bad, to look at this and go, “I hate that I can’t help them. I’m a horrible person.” I don’t want people going, “Wow, that person has it worse than I do; now I feel bad for complaining about my own life.” I don’t want to add to anyone’s struggles or trigger anyone’s personal financial anxieties. I don’t want to put people through any pain, and so making this post was not an easy decision for me.
I made this campaign because I *had* to make it. And I really, really hope that someone somewhere will consider helping me.
I do have one more request: please do not share this campaign or my story on Facebook or Twitter. I know that GoFundMe encourages you to share it there, but I'm terrified that my abusive ex-boyfriends or bullies from my past may find this campaign, and may use it to attack me in some way.
My past abusers are on Facebook, as well as many people who have hurt me and/or bullied me throughout my life. I’m deathly afraid of one of those people finding me, and I’m worried that if they see this story, they’ll figure out who I am and come after me.
GoFundMe shares my location, which is the last thing I need those people to find. I am absolutely terrified of the idea that these people will somehow figure out who I am, hunt me down, and ruin my life. I truly believe these people are a danger to me, regardless of how illogical that may be.
I'm sure that sounds silly, but this is a real and serious fear that I have, and the last thing I want is for them to somehow find me and go after me. I'm afraid of being hurt more than I already have been, and afraid of details about my life or my location getting into the wrong hands. I hope you can understand.
Thank you for any help you can give, even if all you can give is your thoughts. I sincerely do appreciate anything you can do, no matter how small.
I would like to send out a big thank you to everyone who has helped me so far. It is truly a privilege to have the help of so many wonderful people, and it means the world to me that so many people took time out of their busy schedules to spread this campaign, took money out of their bank accounts to provide money for my surgery, and spent so much energy being supportive and kind to me in my time of need. Thank you so much to everyone who has been of service. It really means a lot. There are no words to express to you how thankful I really am, or how much it means to me.
***
Thank you to everyone for your kindness and generosity! I really appreciate all of the help and support that I have been getting.
But please don’t let this campaign die!
I know that $6,000 is a massive goal, and a difficult one to reach. I know that it is overwhelming and possibly triggering to continually have to think about this campaign, especially when there are so many other campaigns out there for people in worse situations than mine and especially when so many of you have your own problems. I know that this is hard on you, and I know for many of you, money is tight and you don’t necessarily have the mental or emotional energy to keep thinking about this.
I understand.
I want you to take care of yourself and to put yourself first. I want you to prioritize your mental health above all else and make sure you have the money you need to survive. It’s okay if you can’t do much for me right now.
But please, try not to let this campaign die. If you can find the time and strength to share it on Tumblr one more time or to tell your friends about it, please do.
I could really use the help, and the longer it takes for me to fix this tooth, the worse the problem will get and the less likely it’ll be that I can save it.
I really hope you understand how important this is to me- and how much I appreciate all of you and all that you have done to help me.
Thank you.
***
Note: Thanks to your contributions, I *had* raised $721.53 for my surgery by May 2nd, 2019. However, on May 14th, 2019, I had to pay a $61.16 bill using money from this campaign, because it was the only money I had at the time. Then, on June 7th, 2019, I had to use $69.32 from this campaign to buy food, because I had no other money to spend. And since there have been no donations between today (June 10th, 2019) and May 2nd, 2019, I only have $591.05 saved up for my surgery.
I apologize for having to put your money to other uses. I wish there had been another way. I have no intention of doing that again if I can help it. Please understand that my family is struggling, and it is not my intent to be greedy or selfish here. I am so sorry for having to ask for your help, and especially sorry that some of that help aided me in ways you didn't anticipate. I wish there was a way for me to pay you back, but sadly, I don't think there is anything I can do. I hope that, someday, you'll be able to forgive me. And I hope you know how very grateful I am to all of you.
***
Just so you know, GoFundMe takes a portion of your donation for themselves. So if you sent me $25, I only get about $23. If you send me $50, I only get about $45. Etc.
This makes reaching my $6,000 goal very difficult, so I may potentially have to continue to request money even after GoFundMe claims I have received $6,000 already.
I have received donations in other ways, but I would prefer that people who do not know me well use the GoFundMe to donate.
You may notice that the GoFundMe page claims I earned less than I actually have; that is because I have gotten donations from other locations.
Basically, you can’t trust GoFundMe to give you an accurate idea of how much I have actually received. But I promise you can trust me.
I will keep you updated the best that I can.
Again, thank you so much.
With love,
Aria
Organizer
Aria Cavendish
Organizer
Mount Pleasant, MI