Just trying to get caught up on a hard year.

Since we deal with a lot of negative people because of what the boys do for first responders and their families, I want to start by saying this has NOTHING to do with that. There will always be that one person that says "you can afford to do this but not pay bills" or whatever. What the boys do is a totally separate thing and the money given to fallen heroes families and acts of kindness they do for our first responders is totally through the money they raise from amazing people. The only thing that comes out of our pockets is the costs of supplies for what they sell at their stand and sometimes the supplies are even donated. We've never paid for more than the supplies for the boys to go fulfill their goals! So don't even think of anything negative to say about that, thanks! They have done it for 6 years and will continue to do so every year...

My friend suggested I do this. (I think I did this right and added the photos in the right places, so please read all the way through in case I messed it up lol) It said I had to upload a photo so just using my favorite of my boys. I hate doing this and I'm embarrassed to even make one of these. I don't even know where to start. So I'll just explain why I am even doing this. I'm so hesitant. We don't like asking for help...I have no idea what to put as a goal because anything will help as we're just trying to catch up.

My husband got a new job a couple years ago. Things were starting to get better. Then last year, my husband had to have a hip replacement. It was sudden. He went in for leg numbness and was told his hip was on the verge of collapsing. He had it replaced just over a week later. He was out of work for awhile and didn't get full pay (understandably) but we live paycheck to paycheck as it is and it was a struggle. We're thankful for those that made sure the boys had food in their bellies as we continued to fall behind on bills and things. He went back to work but things were still behind the rest of the year as we tried to catch up. Then the medical bills started rolling in. I am on a medication and owe thousands. (I will attach a photo as proof. I've been paying what I can, and don't expect to get it paid but thankfully they haven't sent to collections yet)

His medical bills are starting to go to collections from surgery and hospitalization because we don't have those extra funds to pay them. At the end of last year, there was no way we were going to be able to pay rent, bills, and get the boys Christmas gifts. We borrowed a large amount from someone and promised to pay them back when we got our tax refund. This year, when we filed, we found out we no longer qualify for certain credits and barely got a refund. Since we live paycheck to paycheck, I've been taking grocery money to send payments every check to pay them back (they need it back) So I've been pretty much choosing to feed the kids or pay bills. Over time that adds up. I've received shut off notices (and paid the shut off amount right on time but that was part of our car payment I used)

and still owe the rest.

I end up borrowing money from family before every pay day because we fall short and I have to get groceries and end up in a cycle again of paying it back and being short again next check. Things are expensive and we're just trying to get ahead. Or at least get caught up, not even get ahead. Our car payment is a month behind, we have no grocery funds right now and it's just a struggle.

I'm not even focused on Christmas right now even though the boys excitedly are lol. But I thank God they don't expect much every year and are so grateful for what they do get. I just want to get to where I am finished with paying what we owe from the loan we borrowed, get groceries for the boys and get caught up with a little bills. (Attaching proof we're already on a payment plan for past light bills because people tell me about payment plans but I already owe one)

I'll worry about the holidays when we cross that bridge. Hopefully by then, things will be caught up and I can take my craft sales again and put it toward the extra stuff. It's been a bad year, and I feel bad because for the first time in their lives, I had to break promises to the boys. When my mom died on Josiah's birthday, I promised them we'd make good memories later on in the summer to get our minds off things. I told them we'd go do something fun for the day, and we'd have our "mommy/son date" to the movies and dinner. I ended up quietly falling into a depression and didn't even go into my office to make stuff in order to make money to do that. Mentally, I'm so much better, but the stress of the year is still piling up. The breaking point as to why I am doing this is when Gideon walked up to me the other day and asked if he can "find a job" walking dogs or something in order to buy groceries. If you're a mom, you can imagine my feelings of failing as a parent when a 12-year-old is worried about something he shouldn't be. I love his heart. I love his brother's heart. But they shouldn't even know it's bad.

We're not doing this with expectation that we deserve it or anything because that's definitely not the case. I'm just doing this to try and get our heads above water to where we can pay bills, rent, and get groceries without skipping one important thing to take care of another. With the rising costs of everything, I just want to get to where we can still cover it all from what we make without falling behind.