A Single Mom Overcoming the Odds
Donation protected
Here it goes.
I'm not going to lie and say it's easy to tell my story. There's a lot of things I prefer not to remember, but they are essentially what made me who I am today. I'm here asking for help, and I'll explain why in a moment.
I'll start with my name. I am Sean-Marie, and I am a 28-year-old single mother. I am a college student, and I suffer from intense anxiety. My son is an amazing, smart, creative and gentle three-year-old. He amazes me every day. He's the reason for everything, for working hard every day, for changing my life, to never give up.
It was my son who helped me get through a tumultuous, and soul-crushing emotionally abusive relationship, that costed me time, money, and my peace of mind.
That's why one year ago, I decided to get a better education, and start a journey towards a career that will allow me to give my son everything he could ever need in this world; shelter, food, security, and love. More than anything, I want to make sure he never has to live a life of struggle, as I have. As a single mother, I was struggling to stay afloat, and give my son everything he needs and deserves. So, when I enrolled into college, I had high hopes and aspirations. I chose to study towards being a Dental Assistant; I always had an interest in medical science but I also wanted to choose a career that I could jump into in a relatively short time. Choosing to work alongside a dentist seemed reasonable to me, and I took up the challenge of balancing study with work and raising a toddler with pride.
My class began with roughly 16 students. Now, we're down to six. The amount of hard work I put in to be standing here among those six is something that I'm proud of, and can only hope that someday, my son is proud of too. There was a lot of doubt and fear in my mind throughout my studies. Every exam struck anxiety in my heart for days, even after finding out I had passed. Yet, I still managed to score well, and was the recipient of several Excellency awards from the school, for completing above 90 in my courses, even though I was working after school, and traveling by foot with my son to and from daycare, with only 2 hours to spare a day to cook, bath, and tuck my son into bed at night. Some nights, I would be so exhausted, and would guiltily grab a fast food dinner for my son to eat, while I'd hide in my room and cry alone. I won't lie, I felt alone, and I felt like a failure. I wanted to spend more time cleaning the house, more time outside with my son, more time tending to world issues that were important to me, such as the struggles of refugees and the awful conditions in the war-torn city of Aleppo. There were dark days, and dark thoughts, where I felt like all the effort I was putting in was worthless, that I was worthless for taking on such a worthless endeavor, and that I was selfish to concentrate on my school work while everything else sat on the back burner. But every morning, I'd wake up, and force myself to start the day, and somehow, I did it. Not perfectly, but I did it. I passed exams, I learned the material, I was slowly making myself proud, even if no one else was. Back before I started school, I never thought I could make such achievements while working and raising a child. As I watched student after student fail or drop out, my anxiety built. But in the back of my mind, I just kept reminding myself: "This will all be behind you soon. This is just a stepping stone. You got this." The doubt chipped away a bit of confidence every single day, yet, here I am.
Here I am, having completed my final exam, and having passed and about to start my practicum, and I have zero pride or joy. That's because I've been faced with obstacles to high for me to overcome on my own.
When I enrolled into the diploma program, I had several people help me through the process. I was informed that the course would be 9 months long, and they processed a student loan application that I had been instantly approved for. When budgeting with the student financial aid, we had figured out that the amount I was approved for would cover me for exactly those 9 months. I felt secure, confident that I could complete my studies and save money for the national written exam which would cost $1200.
In reality, the course turned out to be 11 months. When I found out, I became consumed with anxiety. School hours and daycare hours left me only a 4 hour window a day for work, and my minimum-wage job was not supplementing enough to save the money I needed while covering food costs, daycare, transportation, pull ups, and medication.
Mid way through the year, I caught a bad case of stage four strep. It was so bad, that since August, I have been unable to rid myself of the bacterial infection. It's been a long 6 months battling aching joints, swollen tonsils, fever and nausea. The medication was costing me more and more, for every time I went and got tested and showed positive for strep, I had to buy another perscription.
I then found myself spending money on pest removal. My apartment building became infested with cockroaches and mice. Initially, my landlord refused to cover the cost of pest removal. I spent nights crying and spraying my house, vomiting from the fumes, scrubbing cracks and corners, throwing away precious food. I felt dirty, poor, and worthless. It wasn't until I finally found the courage to call health services to tell them about my situation that the landlord finally agreed to send an exterminator, but by then I had already sunk in over a hundred dollars, and the issue isn't even resolved as of today.
Accompanying that stress, was the shadow of my financial situation. I was unable to fully pay rent for the first time. I gave the landlord what I had for November: a measly 500 out of the 1200, and begged him to give me until December.
To help alleviate my anxiety, I decided to apply for a reassessment of my student loan application. It took a long time to hear back that I was rejected. I had already received the maximum loan and didn't qualify for more funding. I took this information with me to the income assistance organization in my city, and was shocked when I was told to quit school, and work full time if I wanted to be able to pay my bills. I cried as I asked why they would tell me to throw my future away, when I was so close to finishing. I was told they don't finance people to stay in school. I left feeling disappointed, defeated. I was trying to get an education so I wouldn't have to love off support, yet here they were, telling me to quit only 30 days away from completion, resulting in a lifetime of debt with no career to pay it back.
I've received an eviction notice from my landlord. My anxiety levels have hit all-time highs, to the point where even typing out these words take great effort. I'm faced with an uncertain future. How will I complete my practicum without a roof over my head? How will my son attend daycare? How can I possibly call myself deserving to be his mother when I can't provide these basic necessities of life? I'm thoroughly ashamed, and feel quite underserving of this blessing called life. Hope has dimmed, and unfortunately, I've been consumed by the shadows of my fear and doubt. All the hard work I put in, all the times I said "I'll show you" to the people who didn't believe I could make it this far... everything was an illusion. They were all right. I'm a failure. Those words weigh heavily on my mind when I lay alone at night, wishing I could reach out to someone, wishing I could lay my pain bare on a table, and not be judged. I do not have a very large support system, but I am blessed to have amazing friends around the world. Such is the extraordinary ability of the internet.
So here I am, setting aside pride and dignity, to beg for a miracle. I just want to spend Christmas in my home. I want my son to sleep in his own bed at night, and wake up to his toys and his mother making breakfast in the morning. I want to complete my practicum knowing I was focused, I was professional, and I was a hard worker. I want to be able to take the national board exam so I can register as a legal dental assistant and begin my career.
So here is what I need to achieve my goal:
First, in order for me to avoid eviction, I need to pay off November and December rent. My two-bedroom apartment is $1200 a month, everything included.
An alternative to this would be to find affordable accommodation. This has been a defeating avenue: several landlords refuse to rent to me for being a single mom (they want a larger family) and those I do get to apply for, I lose out to the other 100 better candidates that have applied. Unfortunately, I'm no longer in a position where I can afford to move.
Second, my practicum is an un-paid mentorship in a dental office, for which I need to complete 140 hours between December 12 and January 15. That means I will not be earning any income except for the child tax benefit offered in Canada, which I receive just under 500$ to cover the cost of daycare. When I add my $100 bus pass and groceries to my costs, I am overwhelmed with anxiety and unable to devise a solution. More than anything I want to finish my practicum so I can be among the graduates at my college. I never got to attend high school graduation, so this goal is very important to me, to show me father, and my son, that I did it. I graduated, despite the odds stacked against me.
Lastly.... I will be unable to be employed in my field unless I can pass the national exam. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but I know the material, and I know I could pass the exam with ease. But the registration is due by February, and the cost is $1200, as much as one month of my rent. Not to mention the clinical exam costs $400, but I'm asking for enough as it is. My hope is to find a decent paying job to pay the $400 exam, however if I can't take the national exam, then I cannot take the clinical.
I've already asked friends and family all I can. I know that everyone has their own struggles and I do not expect anyone to give when they have needs of their own. So, I am hoping for a miracle. I have set my goal at $5000, which includes the $1200 fee for my national dental assisting board exam. If my wish came true, I could never ever express enough how grateful and indebted I'd be, but I could tell you that you will have contributed to something much larger than just helping this single mom stay afloat for the winter. You'd be investing in not one, but two futures, that I promise I will make bright, and worthy of your investment. I promise nothing but sweat and tears towards achieving what may very well be the impossible.
Thank you so much for taking to the time to read my story. I hope I can inspire single mom's to never give up, even when there's obstacles that seem impossible to overcome. Please share my story, I'd be eternally grateful.
I'm not going to lie and say it's easy to tell my story. There's a lot of things I prefer not to remember, but they are essentially what made me who I am today. I'm here asking for help, and I'll explain why in a moment.
I'll start with my name. I am Sean-Marie, and I am a 28-year-old single mother. I am a college student, and I suffer from intense anxiety. My son is an amazing, smart, creative and gentle three-year-old. He amazes me every day. He's the reason for everything, for working hard every day, for changing my life, to never give up.
It was my son who helped me get through a tumultuous, and soul-crushing emotionally abusive relationship, that costed me time, money, and my peace of mind.
That's why one year ago, I decided to get a better education, and start a journey towards a career that will allow me to give my son everything he could ever need in this world; shelter, food, security, and love. More than anything, I want to make sure he never has to live a life of struggle, as I have. As a single mother, I was struggling to stay afloat, and give my son everything he needs and deserves. So, when I enrolled into college, I had high hopes and aspirations. I chose to study towards being a Dental Assistant; I always had an interest in medical science but I also wanted to choose a career that I could jump into in a relatively short time. Choosing to work alongside a dentist seemed reasonable to me, and I took up the challenge of balancing study with work and raising a toddler with pride.
My class began with roughly 16 students. Now, we're down to six. The amount of hard work I put in to be standing here among those six is something that I'm proud of, and can only hope that someday, my son is proud of too. There was a lot of doubt and fear in my mind throughout my studies. Every exam struck anxiety in my heart for days, even after finding out I had passed. Yet, I still managed to score well, and was the recipient of several Excellency awards from the school, for completing above 90 in my courses, even though I was working after school, and traveling by foot with my son to and from daycare, with only 2 hours to spare a day to cook, bath, and tuck my son into bed at night. Some nights, I would be so exhausted, and would guiltily grab a fast food dinner for my son to eat, while I'd hide in my room and cry alone. I won't lie, I felt alone, and I felt like a failure. I wanted to spend more time cleaning the house, more time outside with my son, more time tending to world issues that were important to me, such as the struggles of refugees and the awful conditions in the war-torn city of Aleppo. There were dark days, and dark thoughts, where I felt like all the effort I was putting in was worthless, that I was worthless for taking on such a worthless endeavor, and that I was selfish to concentrate on my school work while everything else sat on the back burner. But every morning, I'd wake up, and force myself to start the day, and somehow, I did it. Not perfectly, but I did it. I passed exams, I learned the material, I was slowly making myself proud, even if no one else was. Back before I started school, I never thought I could make such achievements while working and raising a child. As I watched student after student fail or drop out, my anxiety built. But in the back of my mind, I just kept reminding myself: "This will all be behind you soon. This is just a stepping stone. You got this." The doubt chipped away a bit of confidence every single day, yet, here I am.
Here I am, having completed my final exam, and having passed and about to start my practicum, and I have zero pride or joy. That's because I've been faced with obstacles to high for me to overcome on my own.
When I enrolled into the diploma program, I had several people help me through the process. I was informed that the course would be 9 months long, and they processed a student loan application that I had been instantly approved for. When budgeting with the student financial aid, we had figured out that the amount I was approved for would cover me for exactly those 9 months. I felt secure, confident that I could complete my studies and save money for the national written exam which would cost $1200.
In reality, the course turned out to be 11 months. When I found out, I became consumed with anxiety. School hours and daycare hours left me only a 4 hour window a day for work, and my minimum-wage job was not supplementing enough to save the money I needed while covering food costs, daycare, transportation, pull ups, and medication.
Mid way through the year, I caught a bad case of stage four strep. It was so bad, that since August, I have been unable to rid myself of the bacterial infection. It's been a long 6 months battling aching joints, swollen tonsils, fever and nausea. The medication was costing me more and more, for every time I went and got tested and showed positive for strep, I had to buy another perscription.
I then found myself spending money on pest removal. My apartment building became infested with cockroaches and mice. Initially, my landlord refused to cover the cost of pest removal. I spent nights crying and spraying my house, vomiting from the fumes, scrubbing cracks and corners, throwing away precious food. I felt dirty, poor, and worthless. It wasn't until I finally found the courage to call health services to tell them about my situation that the landlord finally agreed to send an exterminator, but by then I had already sunk in over a hundred dollars, and the issue isn't even resolved as of today.
Accompanying that stress, was the shadow of my financial situation. I was unable to fully pay rent for the first time. I gave the landlord what I had for November: a measly 500 out of the 1200, and begged him to give me until December.
To help alleviate my anxiety, I decided to apply for a reassessment of my student loan application. It took a long time to hear back that I was rejected. I had already received the maximum loan and didn't qualify for more funding. I took this information with me to the income assistance organization in my city, and was shocked when I was told to quit school, and work full time if I wanted to be able to pay my bills. I cried as I asked why they would tell me to throw my future away, when I was so close to finishing. I was told they don't finance people to stay in school. I left feeling disappointed, defeated. I was trying to get an education so I wouldn't have to love off support, yet here they were, telling me to quit only 30 days away from completion, resulting in a lifetime of debt with no career to pay it back.
I've received an eviction notice from my landlord. My anxiety levels have hit all-time highs, to the point where even typing out these words take great effort. I'm faced with an uncertain future. How will I complete my practicum without a roof over my head? How will my son attend daycare? How can I possibly call myself deserving to be his mother when I can't provide these basic necessities of life? I'm thoroughly ashamed, and feel quite underserving of this blessing called life. Hope has dimmed, and unfortunately, I've been consumed by the shadows of my fear and doubt. All the hard work I put in, all the times I said "I'll show you" to the people who didn't believe I could make it this far... everything was an illusion. They were all right. I'm a failure. Those words weigh heavily on my mind when I lay alone at night, wishing I could reach out to someone, wishing I could lay my pain bare on a table, and not be judged. I do not have a very large support system, but I am blessed to have amazing friends around the world. Such is the extraordinary ability of the internet.
So here I am, setting aside pride and dignity, to beg for a miracle. I just want to spend Christmas in my home. I want my son to sleep in his own bed at night, and wake up to his toys and his mother making breakfast in the morning. I want to complete my practicum knowing I was focused, I was professional, and I was a hard worker. I want to be able to take the national board exam so I can register as a legal dental assistant and begin my career.
So here is what I need to achieve my goal:
First, in order for me to avoid eviction, I need to pay off November and December rent. My two-bedroom apartment is $1200 a month, everything included.
An alternative to this would be to find affordable accommodation. This has been a defeating avenue: several landlords refuse to rent to me for being a single mom (they want a larger family) and those I do get to apply for, I lose out to the other 100 better candidates that have applied. Unfortunately, I'm no longer in a position where I can afford to move.
Second, my practicum is an un-paid mentorship in a dental office, for which I need to complete 140 hours between December 12 and January 15. That means I will not be earning any income except for the child tax benefit offered in Canada, which I receive just under 500$ to cover the cost of daycare. When I add my $100 bus pass and groceries to my costs, I am overwhelmed with anxiety and unable to devise a solution. More than anything I want to finish my practicum so I can be among the graduates at my college. I never got to attend high school graduation, so this goal is very important to me, to show me father, and my son, that I did it. I graduated, despite the odds stacked against me.
Lastly.... I will be unable to be employed in my field unless I can pass the national exam. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but I know the material, and I know I could pass the exam with ease. But the registration is due by February, and the cost is $1200, as much as one month of my rent. Not to mention the clinical exam costs $400, but I'm asking for enough as it is. My hope is to find a decent paying job to pay the $400 exam, however if I can't take the national exam, then I cannot take the clinical.
I've already asked friends and family all I can. I know that everyone has their own struggles and I do not expect anyone to give when they have needs of their own. So, I am hoping for a miracle. I have set my goal at $5000, which includes the $1200 fee for my national dental assisting board exam. If my wish came true, I could never ever express enough how grateful and indebted I'd be, but I could tell you that you will have contributed to something much larger than just helping this single mom stay afloat for the winter. You'd be investing in not one, but two futures, that I promise I will make bright, and worthy of your investment. I promise nothing but sweat and tears towards achieving what may very well be the impossible.
Thank you so much for taking to the time to read my story. I hope I can inspire single mom's to never give up, even when there's obstacles that seem impossible to overcome. Please share my story, I'd be eternally grateful.
Organizer
Sean-Marie Desjardins
Organizer
Edmonton, AB