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We all do it. At some point in our lives we all hear terrible news from a friend, and like a knee jerk reaction, we all tell them the same thing. Everyone loves to offer sympathies with some variation of the same phrase: “I am so sorry; please let me know if there is anything I can do. “

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? How many times have you heard it? How many times have you said it? Something about it seems like a scripted, well rehearsed social ritual. No one ever responds to that with a list of things they need. In fact, quite often that seems to be the only time the subject is ever discussed. The obligatory offer of support is made, with neither expectation nor intent other than to perform that same old social dance.

I recently made that offer to a dear friend when she told me she had been diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Carcinoma. I told her that I would be here when she needed anything from a ride to a shoulder to cry on. I pledged my support and in my heart i knew i meant every word of it. Somehow, my heart also knew that the truth of what I said was felt.

It was not a surprise to me at all when Rachel Casciato reached out to me to take me up on my offer of support. Rachel has been in my world for over 25 years. Somehow, in that quarter century, although our lives took different paths, we have found ourselves to be neighbors. For the last ten years, Rachel has been less than three blocks away. In these years, we have shared some wonderful little exchanges. Rachel painted rocks for my garden, and made tabletop arrangements for my wedding… just because she is that amazing. I have brought her my homemade chili just because i wanted to share it. We have spent portions of Bronco games cheering together. Rachel has been the good neighbor State Farm sings about.

When she asked me to help her, it wasn’t a ride, it wasn’t for help while she was feeling sick and low from treatments. Rachel came one day and just asked for a hug. I was more than happy to give her that hug. Then, a couple of weeks later, she asked me to help her write a go-fund-me appeal. She told me how much she loved the things i post on my Facebook page, and said that she thought my personal approach might work better than a clinical and canned letter.

So here I am, honored that my friend actually told me how i could actually help, and actually make a difference.

Rachel is facing her diagnosis like a warrior. She maintains a smile and a can do attitude even though what she is going through is crushing her mentally, physically, and emotionally. She keeps a laser focus on her treatment plan. She is looking at chemo, radiation, hair loss, and major surgery. Keeping up with all her appointments and taking the time to relax and let the treatments work had made it impossible for her to keep working. Her support network does all they can, including a devoted husband whose single income is being impacted by his choice to be as present and supportive as Rachel needs.

It is never easy for someone in Rachel’s situation to ask for help. She knew that asking me would be okay, and that i would do anything in my power to help keep her spirit up and enough independence to face her struggle on her own terms. That is what i am praying this appeal will do.

Please help me to help my friend. She needs more than she knows how to ask for. I am here asking for her. For once it is for real: I’m asking for a friend.

If you have ever promised someone that you would be there, you might know how hard it could be for them to actually tell you just how you could help. Rachel told me what she needed. She said she knew in her heart that the universe made us neighbors because one day i would be there when she needed a friend.

As her lifelong friend, and because i believe that there is cosmic purpose in being asked to help her, I ask all of you who read this to help me keep a promise to a friend, and to fulfill my pledge to do whatever i may be able to help.

Rachel is a force of nature. A true friend who i honestly believe makes this world a better place just by being herself. Let’s pull together as the world reflecting that love right back to her…

Murphy love