Join Tamara Ray's Fight: Beat Breast Cancer

First a word from Jared Ray:

Tamara Ray has been diagnosed with stage 3 triple-negative breast cancer. The funds raised here will be used to pay for the quickly-accruing medical bills and/or will allow her husband to take time off work to be as present as he wants to be in caring for Tamara and their children. Small donations are very welcome (if not preferred). For any other donation options, please reach out!

Story by Chuck Clifton:

Shelley Ray (age 72) was laid to rest on a very hot, September 28, 2024 in Mesa AZ after succumbing to a many-months long battle with cancer. She left behind a loving husband, 8 wonderful adult children, 6 daughters-in-law, 32 grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

In Shelley’s last weeks of life, her husband and adult children gathered at the hospital to say goodbye and keep a constant vigil. Also during that time, Tamara Ray, a daughter-in-law to Shelley, was becoming aware of a new challenge that she and her own young family would soon begin.

Three days before Shelley’s funeral, a mammogram would show a large mass in Tamara’s breast, which was later diagnosed as grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma - stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. Out of respect for Shelley’s family and their grieving process, Tamara and her husband, Jared (one of Shelley’s sons), decided to reveal her diagnosis slowly and discretely to family members – mostly after Shelley’s funeral. It was a shock to all.

Tamara and Jared have 6 precious children, one of whom is almost a year old. As they were told about Tamara’s cancer, through new tears, they had a family discussion about all things that lie ahead for their family.

Here are Jared’s own words about what happened:

We sat them down, and Tamara told them that everybody has a story that they're living. Part of what makes stories interesting is the challenges that every main character has to endure and overcome. She said that we needed to tell them about a new challenge that we're all going to have to overcome together, that will be a big part of their lives and stories, starting today.

With that lovely, inspired preface, she broke the news and, as you might imagine, they had a pretty intense cry session. Much was said about the lack of fairness, about how they don't want Mom to be in pain, and that this is really bad timing - having just lost their Grandma to cancer.

Tamara assured them that this isn't going to be what gets her - that “Mom's cancer is very different from Grandma's cancer.” This seemed to help a bit. Then, I told them, “if you feel like fighting, put your fighting pants on. If you feel like hugging, put your hugging sweater on. If you feel like thinking, put your thinking cap on.” I told them that I felt like fighting and that I had some choice words in my head that I was directing at cancer.

They all seemed to perk up at our reassurances and decided they needed to make a few Smash Bros characters to represent what they thought of cancer. They wanted to literally fight cancer, and figured a video game allowed them to do just that. The names chosen for these video game characters were names like “Stupid Cancer” and “Dumb Cancer.” They created these characters and made sure to only afford them the weakest/worst abilities.

The rest of the afternoon, the kids engaged in some epic team battles, the outcomes of which were largely assured from the beginning. They had fun ganging up on these cancer characters, beating them into oblivion. Team Cancer has now been thoroughly vanquished, many times. Seems like it helped them feel like they had something to do. We also bought some breast cancer wrist bands to give the kids a "team uniform" of sorts, to wear in solidarity.

So, that brings us to help in whatever way we choose. For one, I put on my thinking cap and thought down the road when it would be nice if Jared could take significant time off work (FMLA - maybe without pay) so he could be more attentive to his family’s needs. Even if he does not take time off work, his medical bills could be very big.

Nobody should go through this alone, and thankfully, Jared, Tamara and their children are not alone. Meals are being delivered, childcare is being covered, and so many good people are doing their best to lighten the load on this special family.

In our faith tradition, we read a story chronicled in the Book of Mormon about a desperate battle for survival fought and won by a volunteer army of 2060 young warriors.

I thought about these “Stripling Warriors,” as they’re called, when I read Jared’s account because the warriors in the story had been taught by their mothers to face challenges head-on, much in the same way that Tamara has taught her children.

They were led into battles by their commander, Helaman. Even though they all received wounds, none were killed, they never lost a battle and were never captured.

Just like the Ray children battling cancer via the Smash Brothers as described above, Helaman and his “sons” battled their enemies and prevailed against incredible odds. So can Tamara prevail in this epic battle to which she has been called.

Tamara, you are not alone. Just like Helaman had 2060 “sons” to help him fight, you have Jared and at least 2060 friends to fight this battle with you. I am starting this GoFundMe drive to try to get 2060 different donors to help raise money for this valiant effort.

Even a $5 pledge would be welcome. And larger donations are accepted as well. Perhaps more than the dollars raised will be the number of people who actually join in the battle. Move over cancer, we are here, and we mean business!