Hello everyone,

I am trying to raise funds to get myself off the streets and into a treatment facility for PTSD, depression, and eating disorders, in order to obtain custody of my son. I was recently abandoned by my husband after a psychotic breakdown (I had been off my meds for two months because my previous employer cut my insurance and I could not afford my meds). I have been out of work since last July, when I got into an intentional and traumatic car accident. I was trying to commit suicide. Since then, I have been in and out of treatment for my illnesses, searching for meaning in life and holding onto the one person I know in this world that loves me—my son, Makaio. He just turned ten years old, and he is my whole world. His name means "Matthew" in Hawaiian, which means "gift from God," and he lives up to his name.

However, when my ex-husband finally snapped and was tired of my emotional outbursts, and sick of paying my medical bills, he slapped me with divorce papers, claiming I have been emotionally abusive towards my little gift from God, along with countless other lies to make me look like an abusive parent. His mother is rich and well-practiced in divorce, so he was able to hire a lawyer. I, however, had no money at all and could not even find a pro-bono attorney who could help me fight the case. I was hospitalized for a heart issue a couple of days before my court hearing. Consequently, I lost custody of Makaio and was ordered to pay child support despite the fact that I am unemployed.

I am trying to get admitted to a treatment center in June when my new insurance becomes active. It might take a couple of months, but I need to heal for my son. He's been told a bunch of lies recently, but I want him to know that I never gave up, just for him. I love him too much to give up on life. I need him to know that his mom will always fight for him, no matter how hard things get.

A bit of a backstory on myself: I grew up as a military brat and spent most of my childhood in Japan and the Pacific islands. I was obese as a child and was the only one in my family with curly, white-blonde hair, so I stood out like a sore thumb in the Asian and Asian Pacific cultures I grew up in. I loved these countries very much and tried my best to learn the language wherever I went. However, that didn't stop the bullying. I was a minority, an outcast, and an annoyance. I craved to be thin like them, with beautiful silky black hair. But alas, I am white and cannot change that. I used to be fiery and resilient and did everything I could to make my haters see who I really was. By the age of 14, I was full-blown bulimic. Although I'd been depressed for years, I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16. I never told anyone, not even my family. I thought I was strong enough to fix myself. Anyhow, we moved every 2-3 years, so why should I burden my friends with my problems? I went to many universities, but just as my childhood taught me, when things get difficult, you just leave. I suffered a rape in Oklahoma and physical abuse in Tokyo. Suicidality crept in... I tried to jump in front of a train. I started self-harming. When I finally moved to San Antonio, I met the love of my life while we were both working at Starbucks. He was my best friend, my biggest support for over 12 years... until 2 months ago. Now he will not speak to me and will not let me talk to my son. My life has fallen apart, and everything I loved has been stripped from me. I only hope that I can raise enough money to complete my treatment to prove to the courts that I am a good mom. I've never been a bad mom. I've never yelled at my son, never laid hands on him. I want justice, but more importantly, I want my Gift from God back. I want my heart back. I want my faith in humanity to be restored.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate any donation, no matter how small.

Thank you!