- J
- D
I am a writer and a teacher seeking assistance to get back to sound health so I can return to work. My physical condition is a chronic one involving painful, severely limiting ailments to my neck, back, and shoulders.
For many years I struggled with pain to this area. I always attributed the problem to sport injuries sustained when I was younger, and so I would work through the pain or try to exercise around it or take time off to let it rest and heal. But it did not heal and now the situation has gotten worse. It seems a nerve in my neck is getting blocked or trapped somewhere along the neural pathway, in the shoulder joint or at the collarbone, and so the signal does not reach my shoulder blades. This makes it impossible to keep my shoulders back or to maintain a proper upright posture, whether sitting or standing. My shoulders fall forward, I can't retract them back, and this leads to further pain and limitation.
It got really bad two years ago when I was teaching in Turkey (2016). It was becoming increasingly difficult to perform even basic functions. Writing on the board was difficult, erasing the board painful. I could not raise my hands above my head. I saw a spine specialist in Istanbul, but after months of treatment I was no further along, my symptoms unrelieved, and so I was forced to return home. I had been planning to continue my travels, teaching and living abroad, next to China and then South Korea and Japan.
Fortunately, my brother is a physical therapist in Los Angeles, so I was able to receive good care and attention right away. He laid out a program for me to follow, which I did, religiously, for more than two years. At times I seemed to be getting better, and then the old symptoms would return. The problem with nerve pain is that it is sometimes just awful, and at other times it quiets down, and so the situation seems to be getting better. I thought I was getting better. I went back to work in September, but the symptoms soon returned and I was not able to stay in the job for more than a month before the pain became too excruciating to continue.
I have since been to doctors, specialists. I saw an orthopedic specialist and then a neurological one. I've had x-rays taken, an MRI done (cervical); the MRI revealed significant nerve signal loss at C-5, C-6. That doesn't mean anything to anybody, but those are the disks that innervate the shoulders and the shoulder blades. I had an EMG nerve conduction test done--thankfully, there is no nerve damage. The problem is a blockage. Thus far, the treatment options include an epidural injection to the spinal column, cortisone or steroidal shots to the bursars beneath my shoulder blades, and possibly having my shoulders scoped. Neck surgery is one option but for now that is being considered only as a last resort. The doctors tell me to be patient, that we are still at the early stages of a process that could take many months. And I'm trying to be patient and to maintain a positive outlook, but it's frustrating.
It's so frustrating because I can't do anything. I can't sit or stand or do anything for any length of time. Exercise doesn't help, rest doesn't help. I haven't been able to write; I miss teaching. I can't lift or carry anything heavy. I can't perform any sort of pushing or pulling motion with my arms. I struggle to open doors. I can't even lift myself out of a chair from a sitting position. All the muscle tone I once had, any physical strength in my upper body, all that is gone. That's not so important to me now, but I would like to be able to exercise now and then, to swim or do yoga or play basketball or volleyball or other sports. Instead, any physical activity I try to perform only leads to inflammation in my shoulders; or I am unable to attempt the movement.
More than anything, I would like to get back to work, to be able to return to my teaching and writing.
I am many hundreds of pages into a rough draft of my latest novel, but I have been unable to work on the project and give it the attention it deserves, as sitting only exacerbates the condition. Friends have suggested a stand-up desk, which I'm looking into, but to be honest, standing does not relieve the pain or in any way resolve the problem.
I don't have health insurance. I had some money saved when I returned from Europe and the Middle East, but that money is nearly gone.
It is hard to ask for help. There are many who are disabled or handicapped in ways that do not allow them to live full, independent lives, and others with terminal cases who have no hope. Moreover, I prefer to do things for myself, to go my own way and work and be independent and take care of things myself. For two years, I have been living with my brother and his family in Los Angeles, who have been very good to me, but I would prefer to be on my own, and it would be impossible to be on my own right now.
I live simply. I never spend on myself. I need so little, just a place to live, and to teach and write, and to make my monthly, and maybe a few things I look forward to, like coffee and books and wi-fi. I carry no debt. Mostly, I need the money to pay for medical expenses, for doctor visits and for treatment over the coming months, presumably through the rest of this year (2019).
People close to me keep telling me I have to stop trying to do everything myself and that I need to ask for help. For a long time I resisted. But I can't fix this on my own. I need help. I'm asking.
Thank you so much, to any and all who can help. What can I say but that I hope I will get a chance to do the same for someone else someday, who needs assistance in the future, when I am well again.
John McCauley
For many years I struggled with pain to this area. I always attributed the problem to sport injuries sustained when I was younger, and so I would work through the pain or try to exercise around it or take time off to let it rest and heal. But it did not heal and now the situation has gotten worse. It seems a nerve in my neck is getting blocked or trapped somewhere along the neural pathway, in the shoulder joint or at the collarbone, and so the signal does not reach my shoulder blades. This makes it impossible to keep my shoulders back or to maintain a proper upright posture, whether sitting or standing. My shoulders fall forward, I can't retract them back, and this leads to further pain and limitation.
It got really bad two years ago when I was teaching in Turkey (2016). It was becoming increasingly difficult to perform even basic functions. Writing on the board was difficult, erasing the board painful. I could not raise my hands above my head. I saw a spine specialist in Istanbul, but after months of treatment I was no further along, my symptoms unrelieved, and so I was forced to return home. I had been planning to continue my travels, teaching and living abroad, next to China and then South Korea and Japan.
Fortunately, my brother is a physical therapist in Los Angeles, so I was able to receive good care and attention right away. He laid out a program for me to follow, which I did, religiously, for more than two years. At times I seemed to be getting better, and then the old symptoms would return. The problem with nerve pain is that it is sometimes just awful, and at other times it quiets down, and so the situation seems to be getting better. I thought I was getting better. I went back to work in September, but the symptoms soon returned and I was not able to stay in the job for more than a month before the pain became too excruciating to continue.
I have since been to doctors, specialists. I saw an orthopedic specialist and then a neurological one. I've had x-rays taken, an MRI done (cervical); the MRI revealed significant nerve signal loss at C-5, C-6. That doesn't mean anything to anybody, but those are the disks that innervate the shoulders and the shoulder blades. I had an EMG nerve conduction test done--thankfully, there is no nerve damage. The problem is a blockage. Thus far, the treatment options include an epidural injection to the spinal column, cortisone or steroidal shots to the bursars beneath my shoulder blades, and possibly having my shoulders scoped. Neck surgery is one option but for now that is being considered only as a last resort. The doctors tell me to be patient, that we are still at the early stages of a process that could take many months. And I'm trying to be patient and to maintain a positive outlook, but it's frustrating.
It's so frustrating because I can't do anything. I can't sit or stand or do anything for any length of time. Exercise doesn't help, rest doesn't help. I haven't been able to write; I miss teaching. I can't lift or carry anything heavy. I can't perform any sort of pushing or pulling motion with my arms. I struggle to open doors. I can't even lift myself out of a chair from a sitting position. All the muscle tone I once had, any physical strength in my upper body, all that is gone. That's not so important to me now, but I would like to be able to exercise now and then, to swim or do yoga or play basketball or volleyball or other sports. Instead, any physical activity I try to perform only leads to inflammation in my shoulders; or I am unable to attempt the movement.
More than anything, I would like to get back to work, to be able to return to my teaching and writing.
I am many hundreds of pages into a rough draft of my latest novel, but I have been unable to work on the project and give it the attention it deserves, as sitting only exacerbates the condition. Friends have suggested a stand-up desk, which I'm looking into, but to be honest, standing does not relieve the pain or in any way resolve the problem.
I don't have health insurance. I had some money saved when I returned from Europe and the Middle East, but that money is nearly gone.
It is hard to ask for help. There are many who are disabled or handicapped in ways that do not allow them to live full, independent lives, and others with terminal cases who have no hope. Moreover, I prefer to do things for myself, to go my own way and work and be independent and take care of things myself. For two years, I have been living with my brother and his family in Los Angeles, who have been very good to me, but I would prefer to be on my own, and it would be impossible to be on my own right now.
I live simply. I never spend on myself. I need so little, just a place to live, and to teach and write, and to make my monthly, and maybe a few things I look forward to, like coffee and books and wi-fi. I carry no debt. Mostly, I need the money to pay for medical expenses, for doctor visits and for treatment over the coming months, presumably through the rest of this year (2019).
People close to me keep telling me I have to stop trying to do everything myself and that I need to ask for help. For a long time I resisted. But I can't fix this on my own. I need help. I'm asking.
Thank you so much, to any and all who can help. What can I say but that I hope I will get a chance to do the same for someone else someday, who needs assistance in the future, when I am well again.
John McCauley