john ferland rent for colleen

I am Johns wife. I'm in a blur trying to do this through tears, and the worst empty pit in my stomach. My hubby passed away as he was getting up to go to work two days ago. He came out of the bedroom into the kitchen , where I had is pot of coffee waiting, like I do each night. he must have tried to grab the coffee and turned around and collapsed to the floor. I heard a loud bang, went in an he was on the floor unconscious. I turned him over and tried shaking him, no movement so ran and called 911 with the worst shaky hands. I opened my apartment door and screamed for help over an over. My neighbor came and started cpr on his chest like the 911 lady said, I was hysterical. The ambulance an police came an took him off. I went and waited in a closed room in hospital for any answers till doctor came in, and said after the Cat scan, he had two anuresims in center of brain, once very large, and there is nothing they could do. I made them keep him on the machine that makes his lungs breathe, and they did restart his heart on the ambulance ride there atleast. Yesterday, I was told he was brain dead and the blood in brain was pushing his brain down. I was told he is gone, and I hated seeing the false lung thing move his stomach in an out, he looked like he was suffering with all those tubed down his troat , so they removed breathing tube and he passed in about an hour, with terrible 4 gurgles and his mouth opened an a gasp of air.

As for me, I am lost without my husband of 23 years, but we lived longer then that together. I am Agorophobic, I cannot even go shopping,he did everything for me and I want him back. I am lost, 20 bucks in my purse, and no idea what his work he worked over 25 years at will help with, Stop and shop store. If anyone can help, I do not have hardly any support, and both his parents are deceased, I would greatly appreciate it. I have to call the funeral home and set up a cremation tomorrow as I cant cope yet with it. Im lost, numb, dead inside. thank you for any donation. He was 47 when he passed away. his birthday would of been novermber 11th.