Hello all you beautiful people! My name is Jet Johnston, I am 32 years old, and I am a proud and powerful trans man. I started living openly, about a year and half ago and I have been on testosterone for almost 9 months (yay)! My journey has been filled with so much change, uncertainty, love, support, sadness, strength, and discovery. SO, I feel incredibly lucky to share that I have the opportunity to have “top” surgery on June 21st (cue music *its the final countdown bennener ner bennen nner ner). Some of you may ask yourself, “self, what is top surgery?’ well, ol’ Webster tells us that it is “a type of gender confirmation, surgery in which a person’s breasts are removed or augmented to match their gender identity.” My definition? I get to say c’ya, peace out, byeeee, out the door dinosaur, please let the door hit you on the way out, it was a privilege but definitely not a pleasure, chop chop lollipop, ciao, adieu, cheerio, won’t see you later alligator, not even after awhile crocodile to my breasts. JoJo’s definition? “Get out, right now, it's the end of you and me, it's too late and I can’t wait for you to be gone” to breasts. 

 

In all seriousness, this surgery is life saving. It has taken decades of trans activists (especially black trans women) giving their lives, not backing down, and not taking “no” so people like me can be open like this and have these types of surgeries. It feels like such an honor to be in this position and trust me, I do not take it lightly. So, before I continue, what would your money go to? To my travel expenses to Ohio, living accommodations for about a week and half, the actual surgery itself, medications, and aftercare. Now, why do I personally need (yes, need) this surgery? This body that I was born in, while it has carried me through so many things, helped protect me, and has given me life, there are just certain parts that don’t belong: my breasts. I didn’t get puberty until I was about 15 because I had a lot of brain surgeries growing up. I remember the first time I started noticing them growing. I was 14, sitting in the shower, and I looked down and saw two puffy triangles. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I froze. Then my friends' words started racing through my head about their own bodies “oh my god, I’m so excited, they are finally coming in” or “I got to go bra shopping” and one friend said “I’m finally becoming a woman.” I felt so many things: confusion, anger, and most of all, disgust. I actually grabbed them and squeezed them really really hard, leaving bruises, and sat in the shower crying. When my mom started to notice she said it was time to go bra shopping with such excitement. I was so confused, was I missing something? I kept pushing back when we were going bra shopping until one day in school a boy pointed at my chest and said, “I can see your boobies” and laughed. I was mortified. I caved and bought my first bra. Throughout my whole life anytime I've gotten in the shower I try my hardest to avoid looking down. When naked, I refuse to look in mirrors, and I try to be naked as little as possible. The first time I put on a binder about two years ago was one of the first times I truly felt at home in my own body. I put the binder on and then a t-shirt over it, I slowly looked up into the mirror and it was like the world stood still. It was truly the first time I looked in the mirror and didn’t want to look away. I broke into tears. “Yes…yes….this…this is you.” You may be asking now: “Why have surgery? Why not just wear the binder?” I’d love to tell you. My binder has become my best friend but we have a love-hate relationship for sure. The problem with binders is you are only supposed to use them for about 4 hours at a time and really good ones cost about 50-70 dollars. While I also think binders are life saving, they eventually become really painful. In the past few months, I have been dealing with very bad nipple pain (and damage), bruised ribs, breathing issues, and rashes all down my back, chest, and stomach due to the sweating from the binder. So, I have to give my body a break from it. This means that at night when I take the binder off, when I wake up in the morning with no binder, when I am just by myself watching tv with no binder, when I go to all my doctor appointments and they need me to take off the binder so they can check my heart and everything else, I feel like I am being ripped away from something that makes my body feel more at home. 

 

So, “what would this surgery mean to me?” How do I put something like that into words? I’ll try the best I can. You know a Sunday morning when you have the sun peaking through the windows, dancing across the walls, nowhere to be? You know the feeling of looking out the window at the first snowfall, when it's really quiet? You know the feeling of going out into the first snowfall and looking up then opening your mouth to catch some snowflakes? You know the feeling of seeing a loved one after far too long and that look in their eyes and the hug that follows? You know the feeling of being at the beach, under the sun, closing your eyes, hearing the waves crashing and feeling the warmth on your skin? Or the feeling of being in the mountains and waking up to birds, and breathing in that mountain air? You know the feeling of being near someone you have a crush on, heart racing, enamored? You know the feeling of being in a car full of friends, windows down, music blaring, everyone singing together? You know the feeling of crawling into a freshly made bed, the clean sheets on your skin? You know the feeling of opening a new book, flipping through the pages and smelling them? You know the feeling of sitting down on your couch at the end of a long day? You know the feeling of starting your car and your favorite song is playing? You know that feeling when you are with a group of friends about to take a group picture, the feeling right before the picture is taken when everyone has arms around one another? Well add all of those up and multiple it by the biggest number possible. It will mean all of the small things in this world and all of the big things. It will mean all of the moments, feelings, and love we have memorized. It will mean that I am a giant step further into feeling like this body is how it should be. Some of the first things I'll do: go to the beach, go swimming, sit in my house without a shirt, look in the mirror, look down and see what should have been. It will mean freedom. Freedom.

 

This surgery is also a huge deal for another reason. As many of you know, I have had a lot of medical issues throughout my life and many that I am still battling today. They first started when I was 12. I had my first brain surgery then. By the age 20, I had 11 brain surgeries, one achilles tendon surgery, my gallbladder removed, and appendix removed. My doctors told me and my family multiple times that I wouldn’t make it through the night, past a few months, and definitely not years. But, here I am, 32 years old, proving all those doctors wrong. Since 20, I have had 4 other stomach surgeries, another achilles tendon surgery, a heart ablation, a hand surgery, facial/sinus surgery, many spinal injections, and multiple other small procedures. I have multiple doctors appointments every week and right now my full time job is my health. The things I am currently fighting on a daily basis: I have a heart condition that keeps me from being able to do much. I have a heart monitor implanted under the skin. My heart rate cannot regulate itself so too much exercise or even simple things such as bending down can trigger a cardiac episode (which happened about 4 years ago and I had to get my heart restarted by paramedics at my house, followed by heart surgery about 6 months later). It is called dysautonomia. It also causes extreme temperature regulation issues, not being able to walk without blacking out or passing out, vertigo, migraines, leaking heart valves, swelling of the heart and around the heart, and so much more. I also have chronic regional pain syndrome (nicknamed the suicide disease) in my right leg, right arm, and right side of my face. That causes daily pain. Clothes hurt to touch my right side, water hurts to touch, blankets, change in weather, pressure, even my own leg hair. I have PTSD so I juggle that anxiety. I have an undiagnosed autoimmune condition that the doctors have been trying to figure out for the past year and half. I have daily fevers, rashes on my face, swelling in my face, swollen lymph nodes (I had a large, hard swollen lymph node behind my right ear removed about 6 months ago) in my armpits, base of neck and back of neck, extreme fatigue, hair loss, vision issues, and memory issues. I am going to go to John Hopkins towards the end of this year to hopefully find out some answers. I also am in need of knee surgery due to arthritis, a torn mcl, and torn meniscus. I also need hammer toe surgery and surgery on my right shoulder. I've got arthritis in my right ankle, right knee, right hip, and right shoulder all due to the brain surgeries I have had. I go to water physical therapy, regular physical therapy, chiropractic work, lumbar injections, botox injections in my right leg to help me walk. There are many days that I can not get out of bed, even barely to go to the bathroom, but I keep pushing and won't give up. So, why am I sharing all this? Two reasons: 1. Why I need help financially. I haven't been able to save up because all of my money goes to my other medical issues. 2. Most importantly, because throughout my whole life I have had a total of around 30 surgeries and all of them have been things I never really got to choose to have. But, this surgery, this top surgery, will be the first surgery that I ever get to choose. The first time that I will go into the hospital, sign waivers, be put to sleep, deal with all the side effects like pain and nausea, wake up in recovery, have post op, and spend a few months recovering where it is MY choice. It is the first time I am truly in control of what happens to my body and oh what a perfect time for that to be so. So, not only will the surgery help me with the daily battle of loving myself but it will also be the first time that I get to be the one who says that it's okay for the doctors to operate on me, to touch my body. 

 

So, if you could donate anything at all and share, I would forever be grateful, more than I could put into words. You would literally be changing my life. If you can’t donate then I would really appreciate if you could share this. I am going to attach my instagram because I would love to share my journey with everyone who has helped or even those that just want to follow along. You all are a part of my journey now. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. #jetsjourney #jetsteetyeet

 

My Instagram: https://instagram.com/jetmothj

 

“Remember this, whoever you are, however you are, you are equally valid, equally justified, and equally beautiful.” - Juno Dawson

 

“The more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I thrive.” - Elliot Page

 

“If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I’m shortchanging myself.” - Zanele Muholi

 

“I dare to dream of a world where people can dress, speak, and behave how they want, free from mockery, derision, judgement, harassment, and danger. This is what I want.” - Juno Dawson