Sex Change (top and bottom surgery)
Donation protected
What do you want to do,before you die?
.........
I am transgender.
Many people know what this means now, but many people also don't. To those who don't, here's the gist of it: I was born female. I have a female body, I have boobs and a vagina, and two X chromosomes. But that does not mean I am a woman, those are two different things.
Female refers to the physical characteristics my body has.
Woman refers to a person's sense of identity, their role in society, expectations people have of them. It's mental, not physical.
I am not a woman. I am a man. This means something different to everyone - there is no one way to be a woman, or one way to be a man. Brad Pitt is just as much of a man as Stephen Tyler, though they are vastly different. It is a personal choice as to what kind of person you want to be, but the important thing is this - the fact that I am a man, and not a woman, is not my choice. It's just how it is.
Whether you agree with that or not, it doesn't matter. I am not hurting anyone by being this way. However, it comes with some incredibly difficult challenges, for me.
I recently found out that, in the state I currently live in, I can't get a driver's license or a state ID unless I let them put the 'F' marker on it. The reasoning for this is that, unless they have a court order, they must follow what's on my birth certificate. In order to change my birth certificate, that state requires I have a FULL AND COMPLETE SEX CHANGE.
A complete below-the-belt sex change costs around $20,000, at least. That's not including the $3,000-$10,000 it'll cost to make my chest male, too.
So I have two options. I can get a sex change and then my license, or I can get my license with an incorrect marker on it, and 'out' myself every time I have to show it, anywhere.
This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, and I understand why; what's one little marker? Can't I just suck it up and live with it, until I get the money to get the surgery? The thing is.....it's a really big deal.
Imagine it's your birthday, and you're out for drinks with your friends. You have a masculine voice, the waitress calls you sir, it's all fine. Then you're asked to show your ID, and she sees the little 'F' marker. She's going to be confused. In my experience, one of two things happen.
1) She instantly apologizes and calls you ma'am for the rest of the night, or until someone corrects her (in which case #2 still happens)
2) She starts asking incredibly invasive questions, even i they are phrased politely. The fact is, there is no polite way to ask someone what's between their legs.
Either way, the waitress has a right to be confused, and it's uncomfortable for everyone all around.
There's a lot of things you have to show your ID for, not just this. And those two things will happen Every. Single. Time.
So why can't I just deal with it? Because it's incredibly taxing, frustrating, embarrassing, and downright unfair to have my identity questioned every single day. On top of that, it's DANGEROUS. I don't tell people I'm transgender unless I have to - there's a lot of people out there who will try to physically harm me for that, and I don't need people harrassing me. Having an ID that outs me could be dangerous.
So....now I'm in this dilemma.
To get the correct marker, I need a sex change.
To get a sex change, I need around $30k.
To get money, I need to work.
To get a job, I need a license.
See the issue yet?
"But Jesse, you can Uber!" I have no problem with this. But I need a job that pays well enough that I'll still earn money after the cost of an Uber to and from work, every day.
Most jobs also require you to have a license, so that they know you have reliable transportation.
So.....back to the question that started this post. What do I want to do before I die? Do I want to travel the world? Help people? Make art? Experience new things?
No.
I want to get a sex change.
This is keeping me from living my life to its fullest, from aspiring to greater goals. I don't want to travel the world - I can't even get a proper ID, what happens if I'm abroad and I get hurt? what happens if someone says I'm in the wrong bathroom, and I have to 'prove' myself with my ID? (that could happen either way, I'm too masculine for a women's bathroom and too feminine for a men's bathroom). I don't want to try and help people, I'm afraid they'll insist I'm something I'm not, or give me hell about it, or worse.
Where most people would answer that question with their dreams, their goals, I answer with wanting to take on painful, complicated medical procedures to fix my body. It's that important to me.
.........
I am transgender.
Many people know what this means now, but many people also don't. To those who don't, here's the gist of it: I was born female. I have a female body, I have boobs and a vagina, and two X chromosomes. But that does not mean I am a woman, those are two different things.
Female refers to the physical characteristics my body has.
Woman refers to a person's sense of identity, their role in society, expectations people have of them. It's mental, not physical.
I am not a woman. I am a man. This means something different to everyone - there is no one way to be a woman, or one way to be a man. Brad Pitt is just as much of a man as Stephen Tyler, though they are vastly different. It is a personal choice as to what kind of person you want to be, but the important thing is this - the fact that I am a man, and not a woman, is not my choice. It's just how it is.
Whether you agree with that or not, it doesn't matter. I am not hurting anyone by being this way. However, it comes with some incredibly difficult challenges, for me.
I recently found out that, in the state I currently live in, I can't get a driver's license or a state ID unless I let them put the 'F' marker on it. The reasoning for this is that, unless they have a court order, they must follow what's on my birth certificate. In order to change my birth certificate, that state requires I have a FULL AND COMPLETE SEX CHANGE.
A complete below-the-belt sex change costs around $20,000, at least. That's not including the $3,000-$10,000 it'll cost to make my chest male, too.
So I have two options. I can get a sex change and then my license, or I can get my license with an incorrect marker on it, and 'out' myself every time I have to show it, anywhere.
This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, and I understand why; what's one little marker? Can't I just suck it up and live with it, until I get the money to get the surgery? The thing is.....it's a really big deal.
Imagine it's your birthday, and you're out for drinks with your friends. You have a masculine voice, the waitress calls you sir, it's all fine. Then you're asked to show your ID, and she sees the little 'F' marker. She's going to be confused. In my experience, one of two things happen.
1) She instantly apologizes and calls you ma'am for the rest of the night, or until someone corrects her (in which case #2 still happens)
2) She starts asking incredibly invasive questions, even i they are phrased politely. The fact is, there is no polite way to ask someone what's between their legs.
Either way, the waitress has a right to be confused, and it's uncomfortable for everyone all around.
There's a lot of things you have to show your ID for, not just this. And those two things will happen Every. Single. Time.
So why can't I just deal with it? Because it's incredibly taxing, frustrating, embarrassing, and downright unfair to have my identity questioned every single day. On top of that, it's DANGEROUS. I don't tell people I'm transgender unless I have to - there's a lot of people out there who will try to physically harm me for that, and I don't need people harrassing me. Having an ID that outs me could be dangerous.
So....now I'm in this dilemma.
To get the correct marker, I need a sex change.
To get a sex change, I need around $30k.
To get money, I need to work.
To get a job, I need a license.
See the issue yet?
"But Jesse, you can Uber!" I have no problem with this. But I need a job that pays well enough that I'll still earn money after the cost of an Uber to and from work, every day.
Most jobs also require you to have a license, so that they know you have reliable transportation.
So.....back to the question that started this post. What do I want to do before I die? Do I want to travel the world? Help people? Make art? Experience new things?
No.
I want to get a sex change.
This is keeping me from living my life to its fullest, from aspiring to greater goals. I don't want to travel the world - I can't even get a proper ID, what happens if I'm abroad and I get hurt? what happens if someone says I'm in the wrong bathroom, and I have to 'prove' myself with my ID? (that could happen either way, I'm too masculine for a women's bathroom and too feminine for a men's bathroom). I don't want to try and help people, I'm afraid they'll insist I'm something I'm not, or give me hell about it, or worse.
Where most people would answer that question with their dreams, their goals, I answer with wanting to take on painful, complicated medical procedures to fix my body. It's that important to me.
Organizer
Jesse Richard
Organizer
Norfolk, VA