Help support Aaron & Jen’s surrogacy after surviving cancer

A message from Jen's friend, Mairi

I have known Jen since we were in primary (elementary) school, and our friendship has grown through all life's events - joy, tragedy, and miles of distance. She is an amazing woman who has faced so many frightening health scares with grace and determination. It was a gift to see her become a mother for the first time and welcome her beautiful daughter - someone because of the impact of cancer we didn't know if we would ever get to meet. Jen is a born mom, gentle and loving.

Infant loss and emergency life-saving surgery have now changed our friend's chance to carry a baby. She and her wonderful husband would dearly love to become parents again, yet the cost of surrogacy is immense and hard to reach alone. I know every donation will be gratefully received.

Jen's story

I’m not sure where to begin and how much to share as this has been something I’ve kept very close to my chest for 15 years. As a mental health therapist, I encourage my clients to write letters to help them process grief and other emotions. With the shoe on the other foot, it humbles me to experience the angst and vulnerability that they have so bravely faced.

I was diagnosed with a rare neuroendocrine tumor on my cervix at age 25. I have cousins at this age presently and I cannot imagine them hearing this diagnosis at such a young age. I remember the most important thing to me at the time was my ability to have a family in the future. Looking back, this was my way of coping with the dreaded “c” word and to take control of something when so much was out of my hands.

I underwent a fairly new and complex procedure which was a radical trachelectomy with lymph node removal that removed my cervix and left my uterus intact. This decision was made after seeing a few specialists including one female doctor who said if she was in my shoes she would have a hysterectomy. Needless to say I did not choose to go with her. The procedure did not go without complications as I ended up back in hospital a week later in the ICU. After months of healing I was able to be a “normal twenty-something” once more.

Two years later I was getting dressed and discovered by chance a lump. After getting a recommended biopsy with reassurance this was most likely benign, I returned to get the results. When the nurse asked “did you not come with anyone?” my heart sank because I knew at that moment what I was going to be told. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was focused on my future family once more and chose to freeze my eggs. After complications of ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome which led to an emergency trip to the hospital where they spent days draining fluid from my lungs and abdomen I was able to preserve my dream of having a family one day. I survived the gruelling combination of surgery, port placement, chemotherapy, hair loss, and radiation over the space of 8 months. I have blocked out most of this time or perhaps chosen not to let it define me. For those who know what cancer treatment is like you know what someone goes through physically and mentally before during and after treatment.

I always remember my oncologist suggesting I postpone starting graduate school but through determination or stubbornness I said no and started my masters program during radiation treatment. My new friends at grad school were very supportive and one even bought me a fan to help with my hot flashes during the weeks and weeks of daily radiation!

Fast forward to 2016 I met “my person” in Charlotte NC. He is originally from a small town in Kentucky. As hard as it is for a Scottish person to be an open book about the challenges life brings, it is even harder for us to share how we feel especially about our other half! He is the kindest, most loving, and supportive person I know. He always makes me laugh, and is there for my 11pm tears when I finally open up about whatever has been bothering me. He is THE best dad to our wee girl, whose face lights up when he walks in to the room.

We got married on the beach in Charleston SC in 2018. We had a beautiful baby girl in 2019 which I was able to do via c section due to the choices I had made at 25. This pregnancy itself was when I met my current obgyn for the first time as I fainted in her office. Through careful monitoring at maternal fetal medicine and excellent care I was able to go to 39 weeks and had our beautiful baby girl via c section (due to my lack of cervix I could not have a natural delivery). She is our miracle baby as after the rollercoaster of emotions of two failed IUI’s, we became pregnant the following month naturally.

During the first year of her life we found out that the surgery for my breast cancer which had included implants had been recalled due to research that these particular implants caused cancer in others. I was angry, confused, and terrified to go through another unnecessary surgery and this time as a mom to a young infant. We had to pay for this surgery even though this was a terrifying medical negligence issue.

In 2021 we got naturally pregnant again and were overjoyed to be expanding our family. I had some light spotting and we learned at the first scan there was no heartbeat and I had an incomplete miscarriage. After the awful experience of weeks of allowing my body to miscarry naturally my doctor recommended I have a routine procedure to allow my body to heal. During this procedure I went in to cardiac arrest due to rapid blood loss and she had to perform an emergency hysterectomy due to placenta increta. My doctor had the foresight to have units of blood close by and saved my life. I’ll never forget waking up and hearing those crushing words “hysterectomy” but truly not realizing in that moment the severity of what had just happened until later. The idea my little girl who was 3 years old could’ve grown up without her mom.

Our baby is now 5 and we would love for our beautiful little girl to have a brother or sister in her life. She is such a kind and loving soul. I’ve seen her interact with her friend’s younger siblings with such care and joy as well as her two younger cousins. A sibling to play with, argue with, and as teens roll their eyes at their parents together! Someone as a support when they are adults and we aren’t here anymore. Both my husband and I grew up with 2 siblings each. We cherish the relationships we have with them, including the times of arguing and making amends!

I’ve been cancer free since the summer of 2012. I go for annual check ups which bring up a lot of anxiety each year especially if they find something they want to explore further. This happened last year when they discovered something on an ultrasound. With the support of my husband we got through it and luckily it was a benign cyst.

Here we are in 2024 and my husband and I, after bringing it up on and off again since 2021, have taken the first steps towards exploring using a gestational surrogate. As I mentioned previously, I had my eggs frozen when I was in my late 20s, and we are planning to turn those in to embryos. We would like to use a local surrogacy agency and attorney in NC to complete our family.

The cost is $125,000 which seems unattainable and at the same time warranted due to the compensation of the woman who will carry our baby, as well as the legal team and medical team that will help make this dream a reality for us.

We will be forever grateful to those who read our story and want to help.

If our story touches your heart you have our permission and gratitude to please share it via social media.