It’s The Last Step That’s A Doozy

11/05 Update: I have been out of the house since Oct. 25th (“at 3pm, it will be considered trespassing if you go back”) and I STILL have not received the Wire from the house proceeds.

I am stuck at the worst Extended Stay (water squishes up from the vinyl planks in the bathroom, but at least the staff is nice and neighbors are cool).

All of my credit cards are maxed, I’m hemorrhaging $200+/in interest charges, Synchrony randomly decided I was “no longer credit worthy” and closed my account (even tho I have been making more than the minimum payment on time) thereby hurting my credit score further.

I am now off the personal leave my boss put me on so that I wouldn’t get fired over my attendance, but the scheduler does not have me scheduled for the next 3 weeks.

The room cost is due tomorrow for the next 7 days.

All of my bills are now overdue and whacking me with late fees, except those that are due by the end of the week, including my car insurance.

There’s absolutely no way we will manage to get out of here before the bad weather hits now, as I have to fix my credit up in order to finance both the truck and the camper that we need.

I really just want to know why I’ve been driven to destitution and desperation, mentally, emotionally, and physically broken, and yet when I become a nag over where MY money is, I’m told that the wire company is “under no obligation to get us the money” today.

I am beyond irreparably damaged, in every single sense of the word. And I am at the literal end of my rope.

Update: The House has had multiple offers. We accepted one late last night. We have to be out Oct 21st. We are looking into Extended Stay options and off season cabin rentals, as we have no start up money set aside. We’re hoping to find somewhere to stay for a month or two so we have the time to make the best decision and find deals. I think we’re genuinely considering getting an upgrade on his truck and a pull behind camper. The cost of rent (everywhere) is far too high, and with the hit I’ve taken to my credit score and my lack of reliable on the books income, using the proceeds from the house sale for a mortgage is no longer an option, and renting in a panic seems like throwing it all away. Any and all donations, sharing the page, help, word of mouth on truck and trailer sales, and information about how to live that on the road life is immensely appreciated!   

The last handful of years have brought a whole lot of change for many of us. I’ve tried my best to roll with the punches and plan ahead, but Murphy’s Law seems to be my guiding star, and I’m in a position where I have to ask for a serious amount of help. Those of you who’ve known me personally over the years and seen me ever-changing, (Haley The Bartender, The Mom Friend, The Medical Advocate and Mom’s Keeper, The Handy Girl, The Cat Lady, The Garden Girl), know just how much advice, support, and aid I’ve always given away for free, and how much I lean on learning things to help, but this time I’m trying to learn to take my own advice:

I hate to ask, because I know life has been so difficult and costly all the way around. 

Recent events and mishaps have all culminated to put me into the most precarious situation I’ve ever found myself in to date. Not only is the financial stress more overwhelming than it’s ever been in my life, I’m in a constant state of processing and mourning. Sifting through mom’s hoard has left me with more knowledge, but more questions. It’s revealed a life I knew little to nothing about. My experiences up here have lead me to a deeper understanding of how she got the way she did, and why. (Sometimes “help” leads to more work, or it hurts more than it helps.) My aunt passed in Florida last month, and I’ve barely been able to digest that. The anniversary of dad’s passing is this month. I am mourning the loss of so many things, potentials, investments, the startup I had going for a business venture. The stability and security I was so close to having for myself and Marley, the worry that the stress of all this will drive a wedge between myself and my boyfriend (thankfully, that doesn’t seem to be the case, so far). I am mourning things I can’t even talk about yet. I am not the same person I was a year ago, 3 months ago, before or after the surgery… I am mourning the loss of hopes and dreams, and people I thought would never let me down or hurt me. I’m mourning the loss of good neighbors, and the years of working soil with my hands, the memories I had wanted to make before I left, and the ones I wasn’t ready to leave behind just yet. 

If you’ve ever found yourself reading up on Grief, then you’ve read that “grief is just all the love you did not get to give” and I stand by that with knees shaking at this point.

Everything I was building and planning had to be put on hold due to my financial situation and being stuck in probate with mom’s estate. I had planned to stay in the house another year, and work towards adding value to it, doing repairs and upgrades, and hoping to buy out my brother’s portion when I’d secured a higher paying job. 

I need to pay off my maxed out credit cards, and scrape together enough of a savings to be able to leave the house I’ve spent over 4 years of my money, time, and effort on. My brother says he cannot help and the lawyer says we need to close the estate. My father’s inheritance went to caring for my mom (they found lung cancer had metastasized to her brain in January of 2020, so I moved up here to care for her after her brain surgery right before the Pandemic Shut Down) until she passed in June 2023, mostly without outside help. My grandmother’s inheritance (she passed the year prior, which is why mom lost interest in moving back to the city when I was taking her to downtown Chicago for an experimental treatment) went to maintaining the house for the past year, which I was under the impression that I’d be reimbursed for at the end if I couldn’t buy my brother out. 

My job started cutting my hours back 3 months earlier this year than they did last year, and even though I was released to go back to work on August 3rd (by the dr), they didn’t schedule me until September 1st. For the next 3 weeks, I have fewer than 30hrs… I’m being treated like I’m just a seasonal watering girl, instead of a Permanent Part Time employee. (The long and the short of it is, corporate wants their top tier bonuses, so they cut labor hours back to OSHA-offensive lows.)

Everything I was in the process of doing went out the window when I was surprised by the need for surgery, 15 days of unpaid Leave of Absence from my job and did not qualify for FMLA protections. I received one day of short term disability payment ($17 and change) but owe my benefits about $6, as I had no paycheck during that period to pay for the benefits that got me almost nothing.

I blew one of my glue stitches while moving boxes, and trying to cope with the help “cleaning out and packing up” from my brother and sister in law, too soon after surgery. While I was lucky enough to have some bandages on hand leftover from mom so it wouldn’t be exposed and risk infection, the scar is larger, and the demands of the physical activity at the house seems to have left some soreness in the tissues behind that I had hoped would be gone by now. The cost of a 10’x30’ storage unit was necessary, as it was cheaper than my boyfriend and I having separate storage units, and I needed somewhere to put the boxes and boxes of found photos and things that would have gone straight into the dumpster if others had had their way. The imposed time constraints means we’ll be paying for that longer than I’d hoped, as most things were panic-packed, and now I can’t even find matching pillowcases to stage the house for photos, as they were used for packing materials beyond a doubt. 

Friends have been wonderful at helping when and where they can, but the majority of work on the house is being done by us and friends, as “professionals” wouldn’t even work in a house that wasn’t empty, but there simply wasn’t enough time or space, or help, to empty it properly. My boyfriend was a painter before he had this full time job (that pays him far less than he’s worth). We’ve been trying to get the paints on discount, when we can. We’re saving money in regards to the costs to the estate, so that we hopefully have a bit more to at the end, after the sale, after getting out from under the remainder of the mortgage, after the legal fees, after the split, but it’s been increasingly difficult to keep Hope… The mental, emotional, and physical tolls on us, not to mention the financial stress (I am not down 100pts on my credit score), has me questioning what we’ll do, what we’ll be able to do, and how to not basically throw the money from the house sale away on rent. 

Everything is up in the air without a safety net right now. I haven’t even been able to find a lawyer yet who is willing to help make sure I get fair recompense once the house sells and probate on the estate closes. Since I missed the original Listing Date, the lawyer has threatened me with “damages to the estate” if I don’t meet the upcoming September 16th date. 

Any and every little bit of help is greatly appreciated, including sharing this GoFundMe around to a larger audience. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for any help you can give.

~ Haley M.