In memory of Richard James van Beek❤️

In between bits of sleep and AC/DC playing over and over in my head last night I just couldn’t shake the idea of starting something for dad. I have never experienced grief so close to home before and this type of grief is so hard to put into words as I myself have been grieving the past 7 months. The way we found out dad had small cell stage 4 lung cancer (incurable) and the bedside manner in which him, myself and my grandma were told this news was the start of the pain inside us all. This was in August last year. We then had a better experience at times with Campbelltown cancer unit where they were more compassionate and gave us some hope. I have to admit though, I am definitely an optimist but I am also a realist and I knew we didn’t have much time. Dad was even told he may as well keep smoking because there wasn’t much they could do. He did the chemo (60 sessions all up) and was in and out of that hospital for check ups and CT scans, chemo appts etc. I will never forget holding his hand while we did our hand squeezes walking in there but I was already grieving at that point knowing things weren’t looking good. & just the pain of the news and the constant hospital visits was enough for me to start to not recognise him as my dad anymore. We got to spend lots of time with him and he handled all the chemo pretty well physically (mentally I know he was struggling). Until December 27 things went downhill and up until February 11 when he passed, I swear he swallowed about two bites of food. Over 7 weeks!!!! What a fighter. He was suppose to start radiation and had a 3 week gap between scans and once he went to start, the cancer had truely taken over as we were told it would but were still hoping for a miracle and couldn’t bare to have our dadda taken away at the age of 52. I was grieving everyday, crying to his songs, wondering how long we had left. I won’t speak on behalf of my sisters or mum but I dare say from our closeness that they have been too. My grandma remained strong and didn’t give up hope until his last breaths- like a mamma does. Dad went through a stage of anger for about a week where he must have been so deflated hearing the radiation would be changed based on a bigger scale , not being able to eat and being in pain. He stayed home as long as he could and got to the point he couldn’t leave his bed to even go to the toilet. After many times of us talking to doctors and nurses about how to get him help- he eventually agreed to call an ambulance. The ambulance was originally suppose to pick him up to start radiation and assist him in getting out of bed but we were rushed to triage where he never left the hospital. He kept telling us and the doctors “I don’t care but I’m not dieing in here”. It was a week of torture not only watching him suffer and deteriorate but hearing mixed information and watching them give him hope that they could still do radiation or drain his lungs. I kept asking about him going home into palliative care or to the palliative care unit to pass but this never happened.

Dad was too weak by the end and it was too late (and I felt unheard but anyway ) so he passed in hospital.

This might seem detailed but this is actually a vague story when you involve all the hurt, tears, confusion, things you wish you did or didn’t say to dad, doctors, other family….

But I love to write and I am open and I feel like this needed to be shared. Some days I’ve been wondering why I’m not crying but I’ve been sobbing in the shower since the day we found out so maybe some days tears aren’t needed and like dad said “it’s just my time”. Such a trooper. Miss you so much already and love chatting to you while you’re on the better side.

I’ll get to the point now- we as a family can afford funeral costs and there were points where we thought about starting a go fund me to see if we could send dad off for different options of treatment in other countries but he wasn’t very open to it and it never felt right asking for help as of yet.

I have decided to start this so our family has enough money to start a place at Forrest lawn where we can all be remembered and be together. Funeral costs are covered but the plaque costs quite a lot and reserving a spot for all of us costs even more. Any start will give us and all his friends and family a place to go talk to him and be with him if need be.

I also want to donate some proceeds to the cancer council as I know there are families who have suffered with even children loosing their life to cancer and much younger then 52. I know they’re saying small cell cancer is rare and extremely hard to cure but I am working on finding a place we may we able to donate too for this type of cancer too. At the moment there is absolutely no cure for small cell cancer of the lung. We somehow found a way to make it work with dad being unable to work and sitting at home bored and sick , grandma and I run our own business so we were able to help but I feel for families that suffer this pain and feeling of helplessness while also having to explain to their work etc what is going on.

love too All and we have been asked so many times if there is anything anyone can do to help and I’ve either said no or asked for a hug because I haven’t been able to think of anything, but this is a time where I have thought of something and it feels right to me

rest in peace Dadda. Hope you’re having a beer for us up there xxxxxxx