Hi! If you're here, you probably know me - I'm Tosca, I'm nonbinary, I like cats, penguins, and my husband. I don't like bigotry, grape flavoured things, or my boobs.

It's been difficult to talk about this, but over the past few years I've been slowly opening up the circle of people in my life to share this with. I've lived with chest dysphoria ever since my breasts appeared, seemingly overnight, at the age of 12. Kids at school called me Quasimodo because I walked with a hunch in an effort to hide them (it didn't work). My whole life, they felt like a separate part of me. I felt a soul-deep discomfort with their presence, but I thought everyone with breasts felt that way. It wasn't until I started to examine my own gender identity, and spoke to other people in the nonbinary community, that I was able to really put words to how I felt, and what I wanted to do. I started doing research in earnest. The first time I put on a binder I felt joy. Once I saw what top surgery could look like for a body like mine, it became my dream.

I've known for over three years that I wanted to do this, and it took until this year for me to muster up the courage to start the process - a process that has been shockingly (and atypically) fast. I found a surgeon I liked and trusted who took my insurance, and had a preliminary consult in July. I expected a surgery date of sometime in 2026 if I was lucky, but they reached out to tell me they had cancellations in December. Ian and I talked it over, and I decided to take the leap. With the current state of the country and its attitude towards gender affirming healthcare, I want to get this done while I know I still can.

So, my surgery date is December 18, 2025. with Dr. Scott Mosser of the Gender Confirmation Center in San Francisco. I have to say a huge thank you to my sister-in-law Alex Heath for recommending him to me.

I'm lucky that they've told me insurance will cover the majority of the cost, but even with insurance my current estimate is around $4k. We will also have the cost of accommodations for a week while I recover before my post-op appointment, plus necessities for the recovery process itself.

I really don't like asking for help, but enough people in my life asked if I had a GoFundMe that I figured there was no harm in starting one. If you are able to donate, I appreciate it greatly. If you're not, and just want to send me well wishes, I appreciate it just as much. The support of my loved ones throughout this journey has made it possible for me to get this far, and I'm grateful for all of you. I'm also happy to answer any questions people might have - especially if this is something you or your loved ones have considered.

Thank you so much for any support you can provide, and for being part of my life and this journey. I love you!

F.A.Q.

I’ve had a few questions from loved ones about this process, and I thought I’d take a moment to answer them. I’m incredibly grateful to the wonderful people in my life who want to learn more - it makes me feel very loved to know that even if they may not understand or are new to my journey, they are still here to support it.

What is top surgery?

Top surgery generally refers to any kind of gender confirming surgery in the breast area. This could be breast implants, breast reduction, or complete removal of the breast. For me, I am opting for an almost complete removal, leaving a very small amount of tissue behind. The exact terminology for my specific surgery is ‘double incision with buried pedicle mound’.

What does nonbinary mean?

Nonbinary means many different things to different people, although the general definition usually means someone who doesn’t adhere to the typical gender binary. For me personally, nonbinary means that I don’t identify with the typical ‘female’ body, and I describe myself as woman-adjacent. I enjoy being perceived as genderless on occasions when I feel like it, and I also enjoy being seen as feminine. I also think the societal concept of gender binary itself is outdated and reductive, but that’s a soapbox for another day.

What pronouns do you use?

I use either she or they pronouns, and I like a mix of both without adhering to one specifically. My personal preference is that you use the pronouns you’re most comfortable with. I also still refer to myself as a wife, daughter, sister etc.

Are you transitioning?

No, although I love all of my trans friends and family and believe trans rights are human rights. My personal journey only involves top surgery, and it’s the only surgery or medical process I plan on undergoing.

Are you changing your name?

Nope, still me! I may be losing my tatas, but I’m keeping the Tosca.

Thank you all so much for your support. If you have any other questions, I’m happy to answer them!