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My mom was named Robin Gay because she was born happy as a bird. Born in 1962, died at 63. She was incredible.
She graduated highschool at 16 and got her college degree in 2011. She walked in her cap and gown a week before I walked in mine. I called her in hysterics the week of graduation. I had a conflict getting graduation tickets & Big 5 threatened to fire me. She told me to always choose family; your job will never be more important in the end.
She coached my Tball team & made me finish the season when I wanted to quit. Yet, she allowed me to miss 12 days of school a year, as long as I told her honestly why I didnt want to go. Those usually turned into Nana days. She loved her mother as much as she loved me. When it was time for nana to pass, we took several days off school and work to spend with her. The day we finally had to go back, she was gone by noon.
When I was in the hospital room overnight with my mom, I told her I'd understand if she "pulled a Nana" on me & waited until I fell asleep so she could go without me. I couldn't sleep. I put Dirty Dancing on for us one last time. It was always our movie, and watching with this set of eyes made me realize she finally found her Johnny.
Her fiance was a treasure to her, affectionately calling her troublemaker. She used to tell my Aunt Jen, "I want to have a John like yours," & she did it in the end.
Her mother wished to be cremated and dispersed into the lake. My mom would like to be with her. Im working to coordinate the dispersal to be on her mother's birthday, January 29th. The cremation itself is obviously happening much sooner.
She was loved immensely by everybody she came into contact with. She spread positivity everywhere she went. She would paint rocks with inspirational quotes and leave them around town. The way she would end every phone call was, "I love you. Make it a great day." No wonder my favorite book is East of Eden, this is timshel in a nutshell. Life is what you make it. She taught me to be self-reliant.
One of her favorite books to read to me as a kid was, "I'll love you forever". Reading it to her the same way the son reads it in the end felt like coming full circle.
I'll love her forever.
For my 13th birthday she gave me an engraved ring that says "forever my daughter" on the band and "to bree, with love mom" on the inside. Her reasoning: you're about to hit the years when you think you hate me, but I will always love you. Ive worn it for 20 years. I lost it while taking a nap last year. I was distraught. It reappeared months later on my birthday at the bottom of the washer. I didnt tell her I lost it until I could tell her where I found it.
I only got to know the Robin I got to call mom. Id love to hear stories about Robin, the person. She would share stories about growing up with five kids at home being raised by a single mom (like riding the matresses from their beds down the stairs while nana was working). She'd tell me stories about her time with my dad, but a lot of her life is lost to me. I dont want anybody to feel obligated to donate to this gofundme. I know she meant the world to people all over the world & id like to have a cross platform place to share memories of her. The family her age has expressed that people have reached out to them looking for ways to make a difference and suggested I start a gofundme to help cushion the expense of her unexpected passing. I'd also like to take the opportunity to learn more about her; if you'd like to share a memory of her, please do.
Im writing this from the car as we drive home after losing her yesterday. I know this is probably long winded, but it also feels like theres a million more things I need to say. This was the last Havasu trip I'll ever take to see my mom. Its the first time I've made the trip & not had to text her with updates every hour. (Except for the time we coordinated with her husband at the time to surprise her. The surprise went too well & we had to promise not to do it again.)
I spoke with her doctor about her condition & told her the soonest I could get to her was likely midnight. Both her doctor and her fiance warned me against coming, because she'd be unresponsive. I told them im coming anyways. I was able to hold her hand all night. She knew I was there, and she tried her hardest to let me know she loved me too even though she was unresponsive. I heard the nurses talking at shift change about how orders for comfort care came through at midnight. I dont think it was a coincidence that we arrived almost immediately after midnight. When we arrived the nurse told me that her anxiety level dropped as soon as she was told I was coming. Ive always been that person for her, and this was my last chance to show up in her corner. She brought me into the world, and I got to be there when she left it.
Id like to share Andrea Gibson's Loveletter from the Afterlife. I played a video of the poem being read by the author while at her bedside. We also listened to Mary Oliver's Wild Geese narrated by Helena Bonham Carter, and I read Charles Bukowski's in other words to her.
in other words
by charles bukowski
the Egyptians loved the cat
were entomed with it
instead of with the women
and never with the dog
but now
here
good people with
good eyes
are very few
yet fine cats
with great style
lounge about
in the alleys of
the universe.
about
our argument tonight
whatever it was
about
and
no matter how unhappy
it made us
feel
remember that
there is a
cat
somewhere
adjusting to the
space of itself
with a delightful
grace
in other words
magic persists
without us
no matter what
we may try to do
to spoil it.
Im now realizing that gofundme doesn't allow for comments without donating, and that's not going to work.
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