I’m swallowing my pride and choking on it.

Hardest thing for an Army infantryman in my eyes is swallowing his pride and admitting he failed. I served with 3rd Platoon in A co. Of the 3rd brigade 1st ID. The Big Red One. And by my side in Afghanistan I had the best brothers a man could ask for we did everything as one. We were ambushed almost on a daily. Which was no big deal it was the norm. We were fearless and stood strong. At times we laughed as we were being ambushed.  We laughed at danger and everything else that came with it. Stress lmao what stress you did what you were told. I mean ya you would stress a little bit when the toilet paper was gone in the man made latrine that was no where near anything else to waddle and get some. you were stuck till someone else came to utilize it. I am a father of 4. 2 boys and 2 girls.  I, Ryan Hetherington am an Infantryman And I have failed. I work full time and just am not making it. I do my best to hide all the stress from  my children as they didn’t ask for any of this. Yes Facebook might make it seem like I am doing great but that is just a blanket pulled over everyone’s eyes like I have done for my children. The truth is I have never been so scared and alone in my life. And I don’t know what to do but literally ask my brothers who,I haven’t seen in such a long time for help. Even as I sit here and write this stupid begging for help letter it just makes me want to cry and delete it. but I am going to bite chew swallow repeat until my pride is gone. I’m not sure how everyone is going to react when I put this out there. How many are going to judge, discourage, belittle me, or make me feel worse than I already do. I don’t know how else to say this but thank you for at least looking at this it does give me a little relief just putting this all on something and getting it out there. Hope everyone is doing good and I miss every single one of you.