This is a long story... I am a recovering pain pill addict. Almost 3 years ago in college I was prescribed an antibiotic for bronichitis along with a steroid. The antibiotic I was prescribed is blacklisted by the FDA due to permanent bodily damage if taken with steroids. I didn't know this at the time. After a few days of taking my prescribed medications I became very ill. I could not keep food down. I was throwing up multiple times a day and began to lose weight. I had to drop out of college. After about 8 weeks of vomiting, I was finally able to keep food down. That's when the pain started. It felt like gravel was in my intestines and the cramping was absolutely horrible. I went to many doctors, but no one could explain why this was happening. In the following weeks after the pain began, it progressed to the point of being bedridden. I was barely able to walk and spent most of time curled up in bed crying. I cannot tell you how severe it was... How debilitating. A couple months into the pain my GI doctor told me there was nothing more he could do. He prescribed me vicodin as a last resort. This was before pain pills were regulated more and all the directions given was to take one to two pills every four to six hours as needed. I followed those rules on my medication label and was able to refil my prescription as often as necessary. This led to me taking much more vicodin than is recommended which contributed to my drug addiction. The pain was so severe that no matter how much medication I took I was still miserable, though. Throughout this period of time I went to the hospital many times for pain. More than 10 times. For the next year or so I was dependent on vicodin to function. I couldn't work without it or even stand up for more than a few minutes. The addiction began quickly. Throughout this time I still struggled with the naseau as well and had begun using marijuana to cope with it to keep food down until I got in some more effective medications. I fell into a very deep depression believing the rest of my life was going to be spent in debilitating pain... I was emotionally crushed and had just about given up. My doctors gave up, my friends gave up, even romantic partners. Throughout these 2 years I stopped playing music. I should mention that I am a double bass player. This was my career and passion. I went to unt for music performance and playing bass was my life. After I got sick, though, I couldn't muster the energy to play, much less deal with the pain. I should also mention that I struggle with serious mental illness. I grew up with morbid ocd starting around the age of 3 years old. The older I got, the worse it became. My childhood and teenage years we're plauged with memories of this ilness. I never told anyone during that time and didn't even really ze it myself. When I was 17 I crashed. I fell into a serious depression and for the first time saw a therapist and began taking antidepressants. Little did I know, these medications were a treatment for morbid ocd, which I didn't even know I had. Over the course of that year my depression and ocd improved drastically. Because of the trauma I experienced dealing with morbid ocd, I ended up repressing the memories of it. Fast forward to being 19 years old and being very stressed, I was pushed over the edge. I ended up in psychiatric in-patient for the very first time because I started to remember my ocd. The memories I had so intently buried began flooding back. I went in-patient that year many times and this event was really the base of my psychological drug addiction. This is all really just back-story to my actual situation, though. Right now I live in a sober living apartment which my family has been paying for. I have 10 months sober. Unfortunately, I started an accidental fire on my property and the manager of my apartment decided not to renew my lease even after paying for the damages. I do not really have the option to stay with family or recieve financial help from them. Since I've lived here, I haven't worked. Due to my psychiatric issues, I didn't feel ready to take on a real job. I struggle seriously with self harm and felt I would be at risk while working. After I found out I'd be leaving my apartment, I found a service that helps people with mental illness and addiction find work with emotional support. I have been working with my case manager, but have yet to find a job. My plan was to go to a homeless house/shelter while I started working and then to move into public housing a couple weeks later. Unfortunately, after looking into the housing authorities near me, no one is accepting applications and aren't likely to for the next 6 months or year. It is very unlikely that I would be able to make enough money to pay for a regularly priced apartment and even if I did, I would need a gaurantor to sign the lease which I don't have. As of right now, I'm looking at staying in a homeless house or shelter for the next 6 months to a year. I'm in a very bad place right now. my chronic naseau and pain, though very improved, still limit possible work and my mental health problems seriously affect my day to day life I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm breaking inside... I don't know how to be a homeless young woman in Dallas. I don't know how to stay strong through this. I don't like asking for favors. It wasn't until it got this desperate that I decided to give this gofund me thing a shot. I have about 6 days before I'm in a shelter. I need help. I'm losing it inside... Please help me.


-Jackie Johnson