I married a man I thought was amazing. Charming, caring, an actual local hero within our small community. A police officer who was friendly to everyone. I thought life was going to be perfect, but at only nineteen, I had no idea how wrong I was.

We had our first child and all still seemed ok, but that changed while I was pregnant with our second. I discovered that my husband had been accumulating huge debts and had entered an insolvency agreement. He seemed remorseful when confronted (after continuing to lie initially) so I said we would get through it together and comforted him through his distress at being found out. He assured me that my own credit score was unaffected, which later turned out to be another lie.

He had been making an effort to be a 'good husband' and things felt ok again by the time I gave birth to our second child. Less than 48 hours after giving birth, he started complaining that I wasn't doing enough around the house. Sat on the sofa, breastfeeding our baby, I began crying and that's when the gaslighting began. I was the bad guy for crying, it made my husband feel bad.

Over time, I was psychologically and emotionally abused to the point where I required strong medication for depression and anxiety. I continue to have panic attacks. At times I thought the only way out would be to die. How could I leave this man who everyone thought was so great? How could anyone believe me when he was painting me as unstable? He was so skilled at manipulating me that I often questioned whether I was imagining it all, frequently having to list the undisputable things he had done to remind myself of the truth.

Eventually, when I was already at breaking point, he raised his fist to me. I had challenged him about being unkind to one of our children. He said he would be sleeping in another room of the house as my reaction had been 'completely ridiculous' because 'of course' he 'would never hurt' me. Once again, he made himself the victim.

For a while, we agreed that he would sleep in another room and we would try to continue our lives as a separated couple, but every time I saw or heard him in the house I had panic attacks. Future be damned, I asked him to leave. The decision was terrifying; who would believe me, how would I afford to live, how would this affect the children? But ultimately, I knew that whatever the future held, at least it wouldn't include being married to the narcissist who was making me suicidal.

Unfortunately, separation hasn't freed me from the abuse and manipulation. Now, after agreeing that the kids and I would live in the house until our youngest finishes primary school to avoid upheaval for the children, he has changed his mind with zero acknowledgment that it goes against what we agreed.

The financial situation I have been left in due to his debts is dire and it is impossible that the kids and I will be able to continue living in the house as he demands his share of equity be released. It is exceptionally difficult in our area to find rental properties, especially as we have pets. But the legal aspects of divorce need to be settled so that we no longer live with his threats hanging over us in our own home. I don't know where we'll live but hopefully we'll land on our feet.

I've been called a dumb b***ch, fat f**k (I'm not even overweight and have struggled with eating disorders in the past), lazy f***ker, dog sh*t mum, and many others by the man who 'loved' me. Now I just want to call myself divorced.

Please, if any of this resonates with you. If you have endured narcissistic abuse or witnessed it. Please consider donating to help pay my legal fees as they spiral with his changing moods.

I've had to remain anonymous for safety reasons but I hope you find it in yourself to take a chance on helping a stranger. I believe that what goes around comes around; so I hope that the universe will remember your kindness.

Thank you for reading and my heart reaches out to anyone else in similar circumstances. Leaving or escaping is terrifying and feels impossible, but you can do it.

I've left out so much of the story as I don't wish to trigger anyone. If you have been triggered by anything you've read, then please reach out to Domestic Abuse support services in your area.