Ill for three years, I desperately need help!

(GFM has asked me to restart my campaign as it is changing its payment system.)

I got a severe and vicious case of the shingles in January 2018. Three doctors independently have told me that it is the worst case each has ever seen. As of September 15, 2020, I am still sick. I could not close my left eye or effectively use the left side of my mouth for many months. My left eye still bothers me every few hours. My left ear still hurts and relentlessly itches at times throughout the day and night. My balance is still off, and I am unable to walk very well or drive a car after all this time. I am seeing six doctors regularly. I am not able to go out and get a job, and I have been able to only work for about three to four hours per day at a computer.

I have often been late with my rent since I got sick and my landlord is fed up. If I do not pay my rent on the first of every month from now on, he imposes a $500.00 late fine by the second of every month. Those terms are in my lease. He is now so mad at me that he threatens to begin eviction proceedings by the fifth of every month unless I have paid the rent and late fee by that time.

This apartment is $400 to $600 cheaper than most apartments currently are in Los Angeles. Besides, I do not have any money to move or come up with a new first month’s rent and security deposit.

California will not help me with Welfare because I am a single man without children who is not permanently disabled, elderly, a veteran, an alcoholic, a drug addict, afflicted with HIV/AIDS or homeless. If I become homeless, they will give me $221.00 per month. I could not even rent a room in someone's house for $221.00 per month.

I have gone, and I continue to go, to the famous and not so famous local charities multiple times asking for help. Like the State, they are helping the same groups I have described, but some of the ones I was sent to by local synagogues will also
help struggling families. Again, as a single man, I am on my own.

I ration what food and toiletries I am able to obtain. I have no extra money for clothing or anything else. I obviously do not eat out, or order take out, and prior to the pandemic did not go to see movies or concerts. 

The synagogues and churches and charities all send me to the Jewish Free Loan Association of Los Angeles. However, I cannot obtain a loan from that agency without two co-signers who live in Los Angeles County. I do not have two people willing to do that for me.

With more patience and work with a physical therapist, I hope to return to work
in several months or as soon as possible. The pandemic has been postponing my
ability to get the vestibular therapist I need, but I am hopeful this will soon
change.

I do not aspire to have to keep asking for help. I am hoping to get back on my feet, and one day soon, to help others in need as I once did. I desperately need your help to not become homeless. Thank you for your consideration in helping me for the first time, or once again.

Be Well,

Alan Grossman

A LONGER, MORE DETAILED ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME:

Friends, there seems to be some confusion with some of you as to why I still desperately need your help. Since most of you do not know the entire story, I will try to present a "short version" of my ordeal since January 2018.

I got a severe case of the shingles in early January 2018. It attacked my left ear and made it swell up to over twice its normal size. It turned beet red and I could not touch it or have anything else touch it without feeling intense pain.

It got worse, day by day, causing facial palsy which resulted in me not being able to close my left eye or move the left side of my mouth. When I tried to walk, I staggered down the sidewalk as if I were drunk or stoned. My face became so distorted by the palsy that I kind of looked like a monster. On the street or in a store, people backed away from me, especially children.

If you have gone to a gas station and used an air hose to put air into your tires, you have heard the air whooshing out of the hose. I have constantly heard this sound in my left ear every single day, 24/7, since January 2018. I hear it when I try to sleep. When I am tired enough, I can sleep for three or so hours. Usually, the sound will wake me up every 90 minutes to two hours, without fail. On top of that, there is construction going on just outside my bedroom window, Monday through Saturday, 7 am to 5 pm. A new apartment building is going up next door to me.

One of my five doctors told me that the shingles attacked the nerves in my middle ear, and over time, as the nerves slowly heal, the sound should decrease, and "hopefully," go away. For my musician and frequent concert going friends with tinnitus, I understand it is comparable to that.

On February 1, 2018, I nearly fell off a bus while getting off it at night. If not for some kind people who kept me from falling to the cement on my face, I would have broken my nose or worse. I knew I had to go to the ER the next morning. The nearest hospital to my apartment is Cedars-Sinai, one of the busiest hospitals in Los Angeles. The average ER wait time there is at least two to three hours. When I went to sign in, they took me right away, and nobody in the ER waiting room complained.

I was hoping to get my ear unclogged and a prescription for antibiotics, and then be on my way back home, but they told me that I had to be hospitalized. Since I have Medi-Cal/Medicaid, I had to be transferred to a hospital which accepted it for a hospital stay. Cedars only accepts Medi-Cal for ER visits. After 15-plus hours of being treated at the Cedars ER, I was transferred, at about 3 am, to White Memorial Hospital in East L.A., about 20 miles away from my home.

Although White Memorial generally has two patients to each room, I was put into a room by myself, and the doctors and nurses all wore gowns and masks to even speak to me. I was put on an IV, antibiotics, and steroids for 30 days. I had to have medicated eye drops several times a day and had to keep my left eye covered with gauze at all other times I wasn't being given the drops. I had to have medicated ear drops several times a day, and at one point, I was taking over 40 pills per day to try to combat what three different doctors told me was "the worst case of shingles (they) have ever seen."

During the first two weeks I was hospitalized, I got out of bed only to use the restroom and try to wash myself at the sink inside it. There was no shower there, only a communal one down the hall that I was too ill to use.

About 15 days into my stay, I got up to go to the restroom and fell to the floor. They tell me I fainted, something I had never done before. It turns out that I developed sepsis, which can be fatal. My blood count was not normal, and I had to be transferred to the intensive care unit.

While in the ICU, I also had to have two upper gastric tests and a colonoscopy because I also developed seven ulcers from the constant barrage of steroids, antibiotics, and pills. They wanted to be sure I did not have cancer. It seemed that way because the pills I took included probiotics to offset the antibiotics. I lost 50 pounds in 45 days. That may sound great, but really, it is too much, too soon.

After I fell, I was bedridden for nine days. This coincided with my colonoscopy and other gastric tests. For those of you who may have experience with a colonoscopy and what that entails, not being able to get up and use the toilet was humiliating to say the least. I had to
learn to give up any semblance of privacy or modesty. No matter how many times the male and female nurses tell you not to be ashamed, well...you certainly are.

I couldn't leave the ICU until I could get up and walk to the bathroom again. After nine days, this proved to be extraordinarily difficult. The first time I even tried to stand, using an elaborate large-scale walker, I immediately got light-headed, and couldn't stand for more than a few seconds. The next day, I made myself stand up, and with two male nurses guiding me, I went to the bathroom. On the toilet, I got lightheaded again, and I nearly crumpled to the ground. They got me back to my bed, and the next day, it took some convincing before they would even let me try it again.

I finally was able to be transferred back to the skilled nursing floor where I had developed the sepsis. By this time, my ear was no longer swollen or impossible to touch, but my eye was still covered, and my mouth still did not work properly. To eat, I had to use a spoon or fork to move the food from the left side to the right and vice versa.

Once the swelling left my ear, an intense itching set in, and over two years later, I'm still having to scratch my ear up to 20-30 times every single day. Even after using anti-itch medication on it, my left ear still itches frequently. I must take a paper towel to it or else I might make it bleed again, as has happened since the terrible itching began.

I had to begin therapy to be able to walk again, but even now, my balance still needs a lot of work. Today, when I walk down the street, I am still off-kilter. On Thursday afternoon, September 13, 2018, I bumped into a man as he tried to pass me on the sidewalk. I apologized and told him I have been sick, and he let it go, but he still looked angry.

Now in mid-September 2020, I am still experiencing balance issues and I will have to begin a new round of physical therapy to try to improve beginning sometime in late October or early November 2020.

After 45 days in the hospital, I was about to lose my mind being there for so long, especially when I had originally thought it might be a couple of days at worst. I was outside very briefly once or twice during all that time, and it took five weeks before that was even allowed to happen.

So, I came home, unable to work, but resolved to follow my doctors' orders so that I can try to resume a normal life as quickly as possible.

As of September 2020, I still see an ear doctor, a gastric specialist, a podiatrist, an ophthalmologist, and a general practitioner. After a long delay because of the pandemic, I am hopeful I will be adding a physical therapist in the coming weeks.

I went to the California Department Of Public Social Services about 10 days after returning home in April 2018, with my eye still covered, my mouth still not working properly, and obviously visible questionable balance . After meeting with a social worker three different times, and doing everything I was told to do by her, I was given 10 bus tokens, $192.00 worth of food stamps per month for six months, and kept on Medi-Cal. I was told that if I became homeless, I could receive an additional $221.00 per month. Otherwise, I should consult some local charities.

I have repeatedly consulted all the famous and not so famous charities. I contacted all the ones I could find online and others I was told about by calling 311, the local government assistance line. I have gone to ones suggested to me by local synagogues.

The bottom line: Just like California DPSS ruled, because I am a single man without children, and because I am not a veteran, elderly, an alcoholic, a drug addict, permanently disabled or an HIV/AIDS patient, I am on my own.

The United Way and the Salvation Army told me the same thing, as did the West Coast headquarters of the Chabad House. Even with decent credit, the Jewish Free Loan Association in Los Angeles requires two local co-signers, and, I don't have two people able to do that for me.

I was a care giver to my late parents, and then, my late brother for about 16 years. I have a niece who lives out of state, and another niece who lives hundreds of miles away. When my parents’ insurance, and then, especially my brother's insurance, all ran out, I made time to work while helping them, but I also ended up having to sell anything of value that I once owned. My brother did the same. Even with a disability attorney, the government made my brother wait almost eight years to get on SSI, and when that finally began, it still didn't cover all of his medical needs.

With my background, one may guess that I have a large record and/or CD collection. I once did, but it has all been sold long ago for the reasons I've just explained.

2018 was a year from hell for me. 2019 thankfully saw my health slowly improving, but I am still not out of the woods. 2020 has simply been one long delay after another. I know it is hard for almost everybody, but it is especially hard for someone ill like I am. All of this is more frustrating to me than I can even try to put into words.

I hate what has happened to my life. I never wanted to apply for food stamps, let alone welfare, even in the darkest days of my family's illnesses. There is nothing wrong with accepting help from the government if one genuinely needs it, but I personally always tried to be as independent as possible. I did what I was supposed to do regarding government aid, but my situation is that a person like me, with a "temporary," albeit lengthy illness, and as someone without any substance abuse issues, well, I get to fall through the cracks in the system. Outside of six months of food stamps and Medi-Cal/Medicaid, there is no social safety net for me.

I borrowed money from a cousin who now has terminal lung cancer, from kind friends who have done what they can, and I have been trying to live on the contributions that have been made to this Go Fund Me campaign and a few Facebook Fundraisers. I wish all of this was enough. If I had truly recovered from my illness, I'm sure it would have been.

My doctors agree that while I keep improving, I still have months to go before I will really know the lasting effects of this vicious shingles attack. I still can't drive safely, and I can only work in front of a computer for a few hours before my left eye begins to really bother me.

I'm using this money to pay bills, hopefully including all my rent, which has thus far been subsidized by my cousin, friends plus four small loans I took out from online companies. I have tried in vain to get a fifth personal loan. Despite what we may have heard about how "easy" it is to get an online loan if one is willing to pay big interest on it, this has not been true for me. Because I am still sick, even these types of loan companies are shying away from me.

My pride is basically out the window, and my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I wish I did not have to keep asking for help, but I honestly don't know what else I can do. I promise that none of what you give me has or will ever go to waste and has only been used, and will only be used, on absolute necessities.

I've been "un-friended" by about 800 people and I have also deleted some people who have accused me of being "a lazy bum." I have not deleted anyone who did not contribute because they couldn't, or even if they have simply ignored my pleas. I don't charge for my friendship. I posted on Facebook for nine years before I got sick, and never asked anyone for one penny. When I am better, I will not be asking for any more help. One day, after I am back on my feet, I will once again be helping others.

If I could snap my fingers and immediately be all better in lieu of asking for more help, I would do it in an instant.

Then there have been a few who seem jealous that I can ask for money from friends and receive any help at all. I have had people tell me that they wish they could be in my position! Imagine that! I assure them that I would not wish this on my worst enemy or even on anybody else I could possibly name.

Please, if you have ever had the chicken pox, or think you have, get a shingles vaccine. I wish I had. How I wish I had...

Thank you for your prayers, kind words, encouragement, and for your consideration in helping me for the first time, or if you are planning to help me again.

Be Well,

Alan