I need your help (Domestic Violence friend)
Donation protected
Sometimes women in domestic violence relationships are judged …. why didn’t they leave, why don’t they notify the police, why do they let them return, why do they have their children? It is not until your family member or friend is in this situation that you realise they have no choice. The abuser makes all the decisions. He knows how to manipulate with fear and force. He knows the law and he is confident that it is easier for her to keep him in his life than to risk the ones she loves the most.
My friend has been involved in a domestic violence relationship for past 13 years. She has tried so many times to extract herself and her children from him (the offender) and the situation they are now in. When she is anything but compliant, he becomes manipulative, powerful, unpredictable and frightening in his behavior.
Our friends and family have attempted to help her numerous times, but he manages to frighten her so much that she has often been unable to tell us the extent of her distress without putting herself and the children in danger.
She found enough courage four years ago to leave him after a downward spiral in his behaviour. She moved closer to family for support. He spent a short amount of time in jail after these events and came out pledging he would be a better person, would help her financially and he would attempt to be the father the children needed. She allowed him to visit the children and for a short amount of time he contributed financially to them. It was only a matter of time before he visited one day and refused to leave. Her children are so well drilled for their own safety sake they said nothing to our family. Her support network is very limited as he has made sure she has been left without friends, as they are just another threat to his lifestyle. It is only family members that he has not been able to detach from her life.
Once he had permanently moved in, she made a choice, for the children’s safety and her own, that she would not alert the police or her family to the situation she found herself in. It was not until a violent argument where her teenage daughter stepped in to try and diffuse him that he struck her across the face. This was her defining moment of realising that she will not be safe if they try and remove him. Even the children will never be safe with him living in their home.
The police were called, a DVO was put in place, court dates were set. This means nothing to an abuser. You can still text abusive messages, harass from a distance, or you can engage other people to harass on your behalf. You can drive by and make sure you are seen or heard to spread fear. When he can’t manipulate her physically, he starts cancelling things like leases for phones and wifi, anything that can remind her he can still reach out from a distance.
They had a verbal agreement that he would purchase a family car and this would be in lieu of child support. She still has to pay the bills for registration and maintenance. This car was stolen last week by ‘him’, driven out from beside the house without a sound, no broken windows, just the security switch turned off so the lights did not alert anyone to the fact that he had was there. She is now left without a car, struggling to pay her rent and relying on Women’s Domestic Violence Groups to provide her with food parcels and temporary phones.
Our friend is the most generous of souls. She is the person who has spent her life giving and caring for others, whether they be family members or friends until this person came into her life. We are now all fearing for her life. He has eroded every ounce of self esteem and left her feeling that her life is not worth living. When he stole the family car, he stole the last piece of independence she had.
She feels her life is not worth living and that the children would be better off in the care of other family members. We are determined to show her that people do care, that we care and that every moment of her life is worth fighting for and that there are people that will fight alongside her. Can you please give a small amount so we can get her a car or to restore her faith in kind humans?
My friend has been involved in a domestic violence relationship for past 13 years. She has tried so many times to extract herself and her children from him (the offender) and the situation they are now in. When she is anything but compliant, he becomes manipulative, powerful, unpredictable and frightening in his behavior.
Our friends and family have attempted to help her numerous times, but he manages to frighten her so much that she has often been unable to tell us the extent of her distress without putting herself and the children in danger.
She found enough courage four years ago to leave him after a downward spiral in his behaviour. She moved closer to family for support. He spent a short amount of time in jail after these events and came out pledging he would be a better person, would help her financially and he would attempt to be the father the children needed. She allowed him to visit the children and for a short amount of time he contributed financially to them. It was only a matter of time before he visited one day and refused to leave. Her children are so well drilled for their own safety sake they said nothing to our family. Her support network is very limited as he has made sure she has been left without friends, as they are just another threat to his lifestyle. It is only family members that he has not been able to detach from her life.
Once he had permanently moved in, she made a choice, for the children’s safety and her own, that she would not alert the police or her family to the situation she found herself in. It was not until a violent argument where her teenage daughter stepped in to try and diffuse him that he struck her across the face. This was her defining moment of realising that she will not be safe if they try and remove him. Even the children will never be safe with him living in their home.
The police were called, a DVO was put in place, court dates were set. This means nothing to an abuser. You can still text abusive messages, harass from a distance, or you can engage other people to harass on your behalf. You can drive by and make sure you are seen or heard to spread fear. When he can’t manipulate her physically, he starts cancelling things like leases for phones and wifi, anything that can remind her he can still reach out from a distance.
They had a verbal agreement that he would purchase a family car and this would be in lieu of child support. She still has to pay the bills for registration and maintenance. This car was stolen last week by ‘him’, driven out from beside the house without a sound, no broken windows, just the security switch turned off so the lights did not alert anyone to the fact that he had was there. She is now left without a car, struggling to pay her rent and relying on Women’s Domestic Violence Groups to provide her with food parcels and temporary phones.
Our friend is the most generous of souls. She is the person who has spent her life giving and caring for others, whether they be family members or friends until this person came into her life. We are now all fearing for her life. He has eroded every ounce of self esteem and left her feeling that her life is not worth living. When he stole the family car, he stole the last piece of independence she had.
She feels her life is not worth living and that the children would be better off in the care of other family members. We are determined to show her that people do care, that we care and that every moment of her life is worth fighting for and that there are people that will fight alongside her. Can you please give a small amount so we can get her a car or to restore her faith in kind humans?
Organiser
Patricia Arnold
Organiser
Cleveland, QLD