I humbly ask for help to keep my home to heal all

Hello world.
 
I write this on behalf of myself (Wolf) and the greatest treasure/bliss/love in my life, my Mate, Luana.
 
It is with deep sincerity, humility, and great effort to bring myself to do what I need to.
 
I'm asking my community any everyone listening for help.
 
A lot happened in the past couple of years.
 
Many challenges, many hard hits, and despite all the hardest challenges that almost took me down permanently, my most important triumphs occurred in the past few years.
 
I'm grateful to be alive, to have real honest goods friends, to have come into my own and be accepted as a full spiritual healer in service to others by certain communities, and to have found the love of my life.
 
I'd happily go through it all again because of who I get to share my life with now. It was all worth it tenfold.
 
When I stop to think of all that I have:
 
who I get to live my life with
my closest friends that has become my chosen family
all the wonderful friends that love me and believe in me
All the lessons I learned
the fact that I know my purpose and mission in this life and am really good at it
And that I get to serve people to help them realize the love and appreciation in their life as I've come to realize in mine
 
I profoundly feel like I'm the wealthiest person in my world reality.
 
That is why this is so hard for me.
 
I've spent the past 2+ decades training up, healing myself, seeking the most important lessons and things in life, and preparing myself to spend the rest of my years in service to all.
 
I only wish to give love, hope, and the best me can give to others and to not need or want anything from others.
 
I've spent the past many years trading my expectations for appreciations because I'm so grateful to still be alive and where I am after all that has happened to me.
The horrific details of my past are no longer important.
Where I am now and where I'm going are the only important things worth focusing on, with my inner wolf hunter eyes locked on to the future I can almost taste right now, just past this temporary hurdle.
 
Even though so many times I thought I couldn’t go on, and after all the times people exploited me, took from me, and sought to harm me, when I remember myself, I get to remember that I am indeed grateful for all the past trauma, because it led me to the people I love the most and shaped me to be a person I can be proud to be.
 
I just want to keep giving and not need to ask for help because I do not want to burden anyone. We all have challenges and difficulties and who am I to even ask any of you to consider my plight when many of you must likely are in similar circumstances or have it even harder than I.
 
For most of my life, I put so much importance in being a provider, someone others can respect, a source of inspiration to live a healthier loving life, and being someone that finds a way through any challenge that comes so I can protect my loved ones from the suffering I have been through.
I wanted to only make thing easier for others so they can face the challenges and in turn, make it easier for the ones that come after.
That is what it means to be an ancestor and leader. We are meant to look out for those that come after because we benefitted from those that came before us.
 
To even ask people for help, when I am the one supposed to be providing help, it brings me feelings of shame, disappointment in myself, and perceptions that I have failed.

Even with all of this, I am choosing to swallow my pride as a provider, as an achiever, and as someone that I have grown fond of being seen as, because it's come to the point where I need help in a tremendous way.
 
 
I have some special people in my life that need me to continue the work of my soul and to provide a loving and safe home to them.
I have a gift to help so many others remove the traumas from their past so they can be freer to live a fantastic life that is just waiting for them, for us all.
The gifts that I have been given, that I have honed, can do so much good and it brings me nothing but turmoil to contemplate a future where I cannot help others and all that I must share, will go to waste and be lost.
 
The deeper provider in me knows that I can't afford any longer to let my pride stand in the way of taking care of my people, keeping the home standing, and keeping the fires still burning to guide and call people home for healing, guidance, and sanctuary.
 
 
The name of my home has been called Sanctuary by many.
Sanctuary must stand.
I now humbly accept that I can't do it alone anymore.
 
 
Timetable :
 
I need the funds asap, and within 30 days.
If I'm extremely lucky, I may be able to stretch it out to 45-60 days.
Beyond that, I can no longer see what may happen.
 
 
How I got here:
 
This past year, I used all my remaining retirement money, racked up maximum debt, and have been juggling many things to keep things floating.
 
It shames me to admit that I've been hiding how bad things have been for a while because I never wanted to be a burden on anyone.
 
I never meant to deceive anyone. I did my best to present my best self to inspire instead of darkening anyone's outlooks on life with my trials.
 
 
Where I am now all occurred mostly due to events starting 3 years ago.
 
A lot of deep things almost took me out and yet, I knew going on was the only choice that made sense. I had many chances to choose to end it all.
When the love of your life betray you, cheat on you, and seek to tear you down rather than to accept their own actions, it can make anyone question their sanity and whether they have any worth as a human being if that is what happened to them.
To be in that deep dark place of pain and madness is what hell truly is. Somehow, I saw signs around me to have faith and keep going.
I'm truly grateful to my core that I did stick around. After all, I got to meet all of you that have been so good to me when I needed love the most. I got to meet fantastic people when I thought there were none left around.
It proved to me that by simply being a good person and giving love, that it would align you with love and you will find the people that are your people. Your actions and soul guided you back home.
 
 
One of previous employers betrayed me by deceiving us and telling lies about us to get ahead. 
It got extremely traumatic when after pushing my body and mind past exhaustion and beyond the limits of my disability (Narcolepsy for past 33 years), I collapsed one day and indicated to be put on disability leave because I couldn’t take it anymore. My body simply couldn’t function anymore. The medication couldn’t keep me going and I needed to have time to reset my medication tolerances and to look into new treatments again, because the toll taken on my system was enormous.
However, that employer decided that instead of allowing a very devoted employee to have the time they were legally entitled to, they ended up terminating me the day after I elected to go on disability leave. I did not receive severance and there was no notice of anything that would have warranted the termination. When I went to my supervisor after him telling me he would support me, after they let me go, he wouldn’t return my calls and left me hanging.
 
It took a while to get my health and system ready again to work. That’s when I started to use my retirement savings that I accumulated for 20 years to keep going.

It took awhile also due to Covid to find a new job. So as 2020 went on, finances got worse and worse. When I finally landed a new job with a startup tech company, it seemed to have great people and great technology to work with, I was again shocked to encounter another spirit crushing event.
After this past New Years, my sales team and I were told that all was fine, and that there was plenty of money in the bank to take things at a good pace without pushing hard since the product was not fully ready yet. We were to continue building pipeline and sharpening our skills to be ready. 
3 days later, the entire sales department was let go, including the chief researcher and #2 person in the company.
We were lied to and given false sense of safety and hope. 
We received no severance at all and they also never paid out the bonuses/commissions for the milestones we achieved as part of our compensation plan.
The company claimed to put us all on furlough and that it was due to Covid that they did that. It was a lie. 
To make matters worse, the CEO was willing to set us up with a job-hunting agency for coaching, services, and such paid for a couple of months, and yet, when we asked to just give us severance instead, we were refused. We didn’t need or want the service. We just wanted to be treated decently after we gave our trust and selves to someone we thought was a leader with integrity.
 
After using all my savings from 20 years to keep going and to heal myself from a lot, I had little left. I am grateful that I saved since I started my first career job in my early twenties.
 
I started to ask my mortgage servicer in this past January to help due to my previous employer stating that covid was the reason half the company was let go with no notice. The mortgage company after a few months of going back and forth eventually admitted that they do not and will not help me by complying with federal push to help people stay in their homes. The mortgage company informed me that since my loan was not federally backed, they don’t have to help. It was tragic to see that they chose not to.

All I asked for was to give me a break of 3 payments and transfer it on the end. That's all I asked for and needed.
Yet, they (SPS) loan servicing company has been seemingly doing everything from a place of greed and lack of humanity during these crisis plague times to sabotage my efforts to keep my home (including denying me help due to covid and actively choosing to deny giving me any option that works to actually keep my home).
While their website proudly states that they are here to help if you have been impacted by Covid, behind the scenes they will find every way to string you along and to not treat you with honesty or compassion.
I also found out that if you have 0 income, then they would not help you at all.
Even though I was expecting unemployment benefits, SPS strung me along until I found out that I was denied unemployment benefits. That was when I learned that SPS had that secret rule.
 
This does remind me that I am grateful that my 2nd mortgage company was simply great, in that they quickly and easily suspended payments for half a year when I asked in Jan. They went beyond what I asked for when I can’t even get SPS to give me a 3 month break while I sought a new job, even though I have been a solid home payer for at least a decade.
 
Things have been getting worse with surprise repair bills, vehicle repair bills, and health bills.
 
Even with all of this, I am grateful for it all because it led me to my current employer that really helped me out and has been full of great people I am privileged to work with. This company has a real culture that cares and proves that business is about treating people well to have great relationships, because all business is based on relationships.

I’m grateful to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the person I am in love with and get to share a home with, that she truly loves me even when things are on the verge of collapsing fully and still devoted to being a team and that together we can find a way.
I would have never known the true depth of the love and commitment from a partner if things were easy and my finances were where they used to be.
This is why everything in my life was worth it all, and this is why I am doing anything I can to ensure that she does not have to worry or feel unsafe. She inspires me to be a better person, to grow more, and to take care of her as she deserves to be taken care of for giving me so much love and support beyond any partner I have been with.
 
 
The money will go towards the following :
 
I'm now 2.5 months behind on mortgage struggling to keep it under 90 past due in order to prevent legal actions from them. I want to keep my home.
 
Additionally, due to 2 flood damage incidents late last year in 2020, I have no floors in half my house, and needed to use the insurance money to keep house going instead of using it on repairs.
 
A new recent surprise was that my vehicles needed some surprise expensive repairs in big way.
 
My partner had health bills that I needed to pay along the way
 
I had to pay $20k in back taxes from the years I had to drain my retirement savings in order to survive. That took out everything I had and also had to borrow against all credit I could get.
 
Finally, another big tax bill is coming due because of the early withdrawal of my retirement savings and missing/never received tax forms that I never knew I was missing until the IRS notified me that I owed a lot more from last year than I paid, by a LOT. I paid most of it already, however I don't know the remaining amount that is coming and that could break the rest of me.
This may force me to sell my home at a great lost due to unfinished repairs and my mortgage company shennanigans
 
Between all the debts, interest fees, mortgage payments, surprise expenses, and etc., I can’t survive any longer.
 
It took me quite some time to admit this.
The unfortunate truth that I now admit to all of you, is that I simply can't keep going like this anymore. I am going under and I am terrified.
 
 
 
What the help would mean to me:
 
If somehow I get the help I need, it would drop me to my knees.
To see my faith in the universe and humanity validated would change my life.
I have committed to giving to others regardless of what happenes to me, however, to actually be saved, helped, and seen as worthy of so much help would let me feel taken care of for the first time in my life.
I’m placing my trust and allowing myself to fall and be caught.
 
If I get the help I need, it would mean that the universe and some really generous people actually see the worth I have and all the good I can do if I could just get the help past this challenge that I am facing.
 
To be helped and supported, that would only quintuple my desire and drive to give to others because of all that I have received and because some special beings believed in me when I started to doubt myself.
 
My heart and soul just calls me to give love, compassion, care, and to open the eyes of as many as I can to the beauty in life and living that I have seen so clearly.
I have been giving from an empty cup for so long and in doing so, I have discovered new depths of love and compassion, and learned lessons that there are limits. I have also learned, that sometimes, I must place myself into the care of others and trust again even when the past has conditioned me otherwise. It is still worth it to keep moving forward and to see the best in people. There is always a way. I simply have to to have faith, be open to it, and actually allow myself to accept it.
 
I am now placing my faith in spirit, creator, my highest self, universe, and my communities to show me the lessons I need to learn now in order to continue following my mission to help as many people as I can.
My main job pays well, however my real mission is my spiritual calling to help people in various communities and to use my side skills as a hypnotherapist, spiritual guide, and life coach to help people hack their beliefs to enable a much better quality of life. All those skills I picked up along the way was not for my career, and instead it was to simply help others.
 
When I remember my faith, I know this all serves my greatest good even when I can't fully see it.
I'm truly sorry to ask any of you for help when you all have so much you are dealing with as well.
If you can, please give what you are able to so I can get my critical things taken care of and get my head above water again.
 
What I owe is FAR more than what I'm asking for, however if I can get the most pressing things handled, then I have a shot at getting out of this place much faster and that will enable me to focus on helping people and to continue to do my healing work.
 
If I receive more, then I'm going to be grateful that I no longer am denying people a way to give back that may have been waiting to do so for quite some time.
 
I'm going to allow myself to accept the help graciously given.
 
 
If the rule of 3 brings me three times the amount I'm asking for or even better, then I'm no longer going to resist. I'm simply going to say thank you.
 
 
If I have ever made a positive impact in your life, if you believe in my life mission to help others and wish to support my work, or if you simply feel called to give, then I beg of you, please help.
I can't let it go on like this, and I refuse to let it end like this.
 
I must keep going because I have so much more to give. There's so many more people that I could help as I have been helped in the past.
 
There's so much more love I wish to give and express to repay and pay forward all the love that I have received up until now, and the love I have yet to receive that I know is already here if I simply allow myself to realize it.
 
I truly apologize for any inconvenience that I may have brought upon you.
 
I intend no pressure, compulsion, bad vibes, or anything that might possibly detract from your quality of life.
 
While my mate and I feel so wealthy when we remember all that we have to be grateful for, we also know that love, positive thinking, faith, and hope won't keep the lights on, food in the pantry, and fuel in the chariots.
 
So I'm reaching out to the communities that I've given my all to for these past many many years.
 

Ultimately:
 
thank you in advance and...
I love you all no matter what happens, unconditionally
I'm grateful that any of you even spent time to receive this emergency call for help
Please help me keep going so I can keep giving.
Please Help me give more and love more.
 
If you can't give, it's ok. I don't expect. I love you regardless, I love you unconditionally, and I wish the best for you always.
 
I only wish I could give to all of you even more
 
While I'm known for finding ways to give when I feel I have nothing left because limits are just pesky illusions hiding the limitless in us all, I gotta say this little puzzle that I find myself in is quite a doozy.
 
I've been saving my lifeline for this moment and I'm calling it in.
Please share this plea for help with others only if you feel called to and if and only if you believe in me and my mission.
 
May you all love and be loved now and always as who and what you truly are and have always been, beloved.
@--}--}
-Sincerely Wolf and Luana
 
 
(Ok universe, I'm ready to be surprised in the best ways. So be it, and thank you)

Update : IRS tax surprise. I thought it was $4k. It's $33k.

When I was on disability, I needed to drain my life savings.

Apparently that amount wasn't reported to IRS until recently.

So I'm scrambling to find options, payment plans, and ways to gain help.

When life hits hard, and when you have people you look out for, you must keep going. 

Dying for someone is easy. 

Living for them, that's the challenge. 

I know this is serving me somehow, giving me opportunities to grow and build a better life. 

Just wish the knocks in life would be spread out just a wee bit more, preferably a lot more. 

I can't let my beloved, my kin, and my community down. 

I love them all too much to quit. 

Any help is appreciated. 

Take care of yourselves too. 

Much love, always.