I Died 8 Weeks Ago – But Need Treatments and Your Help To Become Myself Once Again

I died 8 weeks ago and my cousin found me splayed half on the bed with my feet dangling off the edge (see Illustration 2, the note he left for me to read upon my return).

But for his ability to revive me and call 911, this GoFundMe would otherwise be for funeral costs.

Despite the frightening side-effects of treatment you are about to read about, I’m moving forward, grateful for this second chance at life, and for the kindness I’m receiving from my immediate neighbors and friends.

My recovery will involve specialized therapies not covered by health insurance at the rate of $400-$500 per week at a minimum and additional therapies covered by insurance. Your donation of $250 covers 50% of one week and $500 fully covers one week.

After my time in the artificial coma, I came out “damaged.” I was not myself and I am still not my old self – but my long-time family doctors have a plan to return me to the old Jonathan, involving the use of writing and literature therapy and classical music/piano therapy.

First, here’s what transpired:

For the first 3 weeks following my hospital admission for a myocardial infarction, This means that blood flow to the heart muscle is blocked, usually by a blood clot from ruptured plaque, starving the heart of oxygen and causing tissue death. Given the severity of my overall condition, I was in a medically induced coma, which involves heavy sedation with medications to:

· Let the brain heal

· Allow a ventilator to breathe for someone

· Reduce pain or agitation

· Control seizures or brain pressure

This isn't the same as a natural coma, an unconscious state caused by severe injury, stroke, infection, or metabolic issues, where the brain shuts down due to damage or disruption; it is reversible sedation controlled by clinicians.

As I found out after the anæsthesiologists reversed the deep sedation of the coma, the sedatives used have tremendous and frightening side effects, including false or distorted memories, and memory gaps. These can trigger the brain to “fill in the blanks” with false realities, using dreams, fragments or guesses that can feel like memories (a phenomenon known as a confabulation). In my case, the result was my falsely recalling being attacked by Jihadist anti-semites… which I wasn’t.

I also continue to suffer from a condition known as ICU delirium, which began while I was confined to the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit.

In my case, this involves:

· Confusion about place and time

· Vivid hallucinations

· Paranoia

· Extremely frightening, detailed realistic scenarios

I will need extensive psychiatric treatment to address these issues in particular. My doctors feel I should stick with my longtime therapist, even though he is no longer covered by my insurance plan, under the premise that it is not wise to switch horses midstream. This doctor knows how my brain worked before any of this happened, has treated me off and on for 20 years and our common interests in photography, the writings of Cartier-Bresson, and piano bring us even closer together.

You can help support this treatment with a donation of at least $150, which will support half of one session with the psychiatrist, or be recognized as a PLATINUM DONOR with a donation of $1,000, which would cover almost four sessions. A Platinum Donor will receive regular update notes from me – individually written – as well as a signed copy of my book on the History of Photography – named “a best book of the year” by the New York Times Book Review. I will be happy to answer any questions about the experience as well. I have already received dozens of requests on what I experienced when I died and I see no end in sight.

As I mentioned, my doctors’ plan to bring back the “old” Jonathan is to use

therapies that play to my strengths as a writer and pianist to restore me to “normal.” I will work with two therapists, one who specializes in writing and literature therapy, the other in music therapy. Each therapy session costs $125.

None of this is covered by insurance, however, and in addition to these new, unexpected expenses, I must continue to pay my mortgage and condominium fees and pay for food.

I’m therefore appealing to everyone reading this post to please consider a donation of $125 or more. A gift of $125 will cover one extremely necessary therapy session, and a gift of $500 covers a full month of writing therapy or music therapy. A gift of $500 will be recognized as a Gold Donor and will receive a thank you note from me and an opportunity to ask about my experience. Of course, gifts of all amounts are appreciated. Again, the donor of a gift of $1,000 towards the writing and music therapy will be recognized as a Platinum Donor as per above.

Thank you for reading this through and for your very kind consideration. Please also share this page. In my view, GoFundMe works in a manner similar to an Amish barn-raising. The Amish adhere to the principle of mutual aid. Amish church members are committed to helping one another.

A barn raising is a showcase of Amish planning, organization, and manual labor. Amish tap into the social capital and goodwill in the community, mobilize labor and come together to erect a building that serves as a practical linchpin of their agriculturally-rooted communities.

Of course, I’m not Amish and I am not building a barn. But I am trying to rebuild the life I had before this all occurred and I hope that many of you will embrace the Amish concept and make a donation that will help me achieve that goal. Thank you.