18 Hrs & 7 Mins with Baby Audrey

At 31 Weeks & 6 Days of pregnancy, my sister, Staci, gave birth to her first child – her only child – a daughter - the most exquisite baby girl my eyes have ever had the privilege of seeing.    
Staci and her husband, Brian, began an endeavor to get pregnant after their marriage in April 2012; but unfortunately, they were unsuccessful.  After recovering from a tragic crash of her immune system, enduring several surgical procedures to correct a diagnosis of severe Endometriosis, struggling with the pain from Polycystic Ovarian disease, and 5 emotionally disappointing rounds of IUI, a pregnancy still had not been achieved.  



Although, they were beyond the point of weary, Staci and Brian decided to make the ultimate investment in IVF because their desire for a child was so palpable. The physical and emotional demands required of IVF were especially grueling for Staci’s body and mind, but she persevered with her eyes set on the precious goal of having a child. Staci adhered to each and every medically prescribed directive.  Her dedication was unwavering – not to mention admirable.  Painful injections, rigorous medication schedules, countless doctor’s appointments, and tests exhausted my sister; yet this amazing human being forged ahead! …. and then it was time   …



Five viable eggs were collected from Staci.  After several days of waiting in a spirit of prayerful hope, Staci and Brian were told that one of the five eggs did, indeed, fertilize.  It was a marvelous day!  

Within a couple of days, a transfer was preformed to place the fertilized egg into Staci’s uterus.  For two weeks, our family, friends, acquaintances, and even lovely people we have never once met, stormed heaven with the plea of a pregnancy. On the 14th day – November 11, 2015 – Staci and Brian received the news.  She was, in fact, pregnant with this amazing child they worked so hard to conceive. Our prayers had been answered! Oh, the joy! It engulfed all of us who were so devoted to this spiritual campaign. 



In keeping with her physician’s medical instruction, Staci remained steadfast to the mandates of the IVF early pregnancy agenda.  Witnessing Staci’s internal fortitude
morph into such a determined foundation was inspirational.  Whatever it took – My sister did it … for her baby girl!  Yes, Staci and Brian were having a daughter, a baby girl for whom they would call Audrey Leigh.



Staci’s pregnancy was anxiously challenging from the very first day. In the early days of pregnancy, she was placed on temporary bed rest several times due to spotting.  We all prayed as though we were pleading for our own lives, and Staci focused upon caring for herself and her baby daughter each and every day. Weekly ultrasounds proved that our prayers were being heard. Staci was doing an incredible job, and Baby Audrey was fighting too. Those ultrasounds also provided a deeper and more tangible relationship with the child we all awaited.  Getting passed the first trimester truly felt like a graduation.



Weeks later, after an exciting, but wearing, evening selecting items for the registry at Babies R Us, we all retired for the night; though, it was not the peaceful night’s rest we expected.  Sometime in the early morning hours, Staci woke with evidence of spotting.  Out of concern, we made a visit to the obstetrician.  An ultrasound was preformed, and we were able to see the baby and hear her heartbeat.  We truly thought this was just another incident similar to the ones which had occurred in the first trimester.  We figured that Staci would have to spend several days on temporary bed rest at home, and everything would return to normal. 

…. But the look upon the face of the physicians assistant when she entered the exam room was more than telling.  The moments before a single word escaped from her lips were terrifying; but in actuality, it was the words she uttered which redefined the word “Terrifying”. The normal value for amniotic fluid contained in an amniotic sack is 10.  Staci’s level was .75.  My warrior sister collapsed into my chest and released a fearful cry, one which I had never heard before in my life.      

Staci was immediately wheeled to the hospital to be admitted in the anti partum unit in Herman Memorial. These were both emotionally and spiritually tornadic moments.  Shortly after being admitted, Staci learned that her amniotic sack had ruptured.  Her obstetrician informed her of the expected protocol of treatment. The goal was to replenish the amniotic fluid and influence the uterine contractions to cease, and then for Staci to remain on permanent bed rest for the duration. Staci was no stranger to bed rest at home, but it was a bit of a shock to learn that she would have to remain hospitalized on bed rest until she delivered Baby Audrey.  Her doctor recommended that delivery take place at 34 weeks.  Considering that the current gestation of Staci’s pregnancy was 23 weeks & 6 days, this meant that Staci would be in a perpetually horizontal position (no more than 30 degrees upright) for 10 weeks = 70 days.
    


Without an ounce of hesitation, Staci dug her heels in deeper than ever before.  She was beautifully resolute!  She was going to do every last thing required of her to secure a safe harbor for her child.  In that very same moment, we, as a family, made a conscious decision to do the very same.  Those first hours in the hospital were overwhelming, especially when the neonatal doctor visited Staci to explain all the possible scenarios and consequences of premature birth.  With every topic discussed, it became harder and harder to swallow; however, the promising news was that delivery occurring closest to 34 weeks of pregnancy would result in a healthier baby due to developmental milestones having been met in utero.  Hope had arrived, and we clung to it with all our might!


Staci was facing 70+ days in a small room on the third floor of Memorial Herman, so we had to make it a home for her by decorating it with all the items from Baby Audrey’s nursery. Family and friends volunteered to help with meals, to assist at the house, help with the puppies, and to sleep and sit with Staci at the hospital around the clock.  So many people, - loving, generous, beautiful - people gave of themselves and their time towards this tremendous venture of paving the way for Baby Audrey.  Truly, it was emotionally sweet and most humbling to witness such unselfish gifts of humanity. We prayed over Staci and her little one. We constantly placed our hands upon Staci’s belly to feel the kicks, rolls, and stretches of the child we awaited. We rubbed and kissed that belly every chance we got. We sang to Baby Audrey.  We listened to her precious heartbeat every minute of every day and night.  The nursing staff and doctors were floored as to how much of a compliant, pleasant, and focused patient Staci was while in such a compromising situation.   



We were all so proud of Staci!  We were in awe of her constitution!  ….. and God knows, we were all so madly in love with Baby Audrey!!!


The doctors were so pleased and overjoyed with the progression of Staci’s pregnancy, and they were gaining more confidence as each week passed.  This excited us, and gave us greater hope.  Staci was working so hard.  She fought through excruciating kidney stones, painful pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, and debilitating muscle atrophy.  These were the weeks when I realized that my sister was a Super Hero! All that fight – a testimony for all of us – a battle for Baby Audrey!





On the morning of May 19th, the phone rang.  31 weeks & 6 days of pregnancy.  8 long weeks on her back was coming to end because this was going to be the blessed day that Staci would give birth to Baby Audrey.  It was a whirlwind of an hour.  The doctors and nurses were preparing Staci for a Cesarean section, while we were all rushing ourselves to the hospital.  Everything was happening so very fast.  Just before leaving for the operation room, we all gathered around Staci as a family. With our hearts and hands joined, we prayed for Staci, for Baby Audrey, and for the surgical team.  We were standing in a grand moment of love! 

Incalculably Tender!



At 2:43 pm an exceedingly anticipated small cry permeated through the air in the sterile operating room, and warmth immediately enfolded each person present to this amazing miracle.  While tears of joy and relief ran streaks down the cheeks of my sister, a smile set onto the face of my brother-in-law as the most amazingly exquisite child was raised up for all to view.  She was perfect! My sister’s child – the fruit of her labor – the fruit of her womb - had arrived in the flesh.

Nothing more splendidly memorable!



Baby Audrey was much larger than expected.  4 pounds, 5 ounces.  We prayed for a fat preemie, and she was just that!  Pink in complexion, arms and legs flailing about, tongue poking in and out, tiny little cries, one open eye lid… She was stunning!  Oh, those tiny curled toes, picture perfect lips, a strong button nose, a dark head of hair with blonde highlights, skin like velvet, peach fuzz on her arms, back, and face.  Brand new!

Love had been redefined!





We were all aware and prepared for neonatal care to take place immediately after birth.  We expected it, as it was discussed for many weeks prior. The team proceeded with the intended protocol with Baby Audrey while the obstetrician concluded with Staci’s cesarean section in the operating room. Before they brought sweet Baby Audrey up to the Neonatal Unit, Brian was able to take pleasure in the joyful experience of holding his daughter for the very first time.

Tearfully sweet!



They wheeled the incubator carrying a precious swaddled baby girl to go meet her Mommy in the operating room.  Through the cloudy plexiglass, tiny little eyes opened wide so to meet her mother outside the womb for the first time. Staci’s face was gloriously beaming! Though the moment was short, the weightiness of its worth made the experience an eternal memory!

Love, never more brilliant!



The neonatal team brought Baby Audrey up to their unit to provide the usual care which typical premature babies require. After Staci spent the appropriate amount of time in recovery, she and Brian were brought upstairs to the neonatal unit to spend some time with their newborn daughter. They wheeled Staci, in her hospital bed, right next to the incubator. There Staci was allowed to reach her hand into the small opening to touch her little girl for the very first time.  As soon as Staci’s finger touched her baby’s tiny hand, Baby Audrey grabbed onto Staci’s finger and held it tightly.

Momentously pure! 



Hours later, and back in her post partum room, Staci was resting and visiting with family. The neonatal doctor came in to tell Staci and Brian that Baby Audrey’s lung function had declined since when they saw her a bit earlier.  The doctor explained the projected avenue of treatment, and said that she would update them soon.  This was disheartening news, but it was a possible scenario of premature delivery that was made known from the day Staci was admitted into the hospital, so it was thought of as an expected occurrence. 



Throughout the evening, and into the night and early morning hours, the progress reports of Baby Audrey’s condition were becoming more and more bleak and unsettling.  Sadly, she was not responding to treatment.  We did the only thing that we knew to do – the only thing that we could do!  We prayed! We begged the Master of Heaven and Earth to be merciful!

Overpowering fret! 
 
Morning had broken on the 20th of May, but the light of dawn brought a deep sense of betrayal when I received a called from Staci informing us all that Baby Audrey was failing.  In that moment, I couldn’t help but to throw my body to floor in a prostrated posture.  I frantically pleaded for the precious life of my sister’s child … to spare Staci and Brian from such an inconsolable grief and colossal lifelong void.  This could not be happening! We all rushed to the hospital incessantly petitioning God for a miracle.



At 8:45 am, we arrived in Staci’s post partum hospital room.  A bit earlier, Staci and Brian were brought to the neonatal intensive care unit after being told that their little girl was in crisis.  My sister and her husband stood by as the neonatal team performed CPR on Baby Audrey. 

… Incredulously surreal!

… Inexplicable penetrating fear! 

… Such disbelief of what was taking place before their very eyes!

Helpless!

Shortly after 9:00 am, my phone rang. Upon the screen, the picture of my sister’s face and her name appeared.  My heart sank, and I felt panic rush through every vein in my body.  I hesitantly answered the call. 

My sister uttered the words no mother should ever have to allow to flow from her lips. 

Time – life, itself - stopped!  

The very first time my sister was allowed to hold her daughter, it was to embrace her sweet child while she left this earthly life.  – No word or phrase, utterance or expression in any language known to man could ever possibly describe such a blow!

Excruciating!  

18 hours and 7 minutes earlier, there was a 4.5 pound crying, breathing, squirming, gorgeous baby girl, born into this world right before our eyes.

Inexpressible joy!  

18 hours and 7 minutes after, I found myself standing in a room dimly lit, filled with perpetual sobbing, hopeless wailing, and air all too intense to breathe. Right before our eyes, my sister held the lifeless body of the child whom she fought for so purposefully.

Indefinable agony!

It was determined that when Staci’s amniotic sack ruptured, there was not enough amniotic fluid, for too long of a period of time, before the fluid could be replenished.  This caused a hardening of the lungs …. Pediatric Pulmonary Hypertension caused by Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia. Unfortunately, this is not a condition that can be detected by ultrasound. Outside of the womb, Baby Audrey did not have a chance of survival.  

This journey …. It was an all-embracing goal marked with tremendous sacrifice.  There were endless hopes and dreams planned with precise preparation. There was intensive education and immeasurable desire for a baby whom Staci and Brian would never be able to bring home.     

… but they did come home – empty handed – broken hearted –  directionless – and vulnerable.

There are no words!  There aren’t any tutorials as to how to proceed after such a devastating event!  Although, situated in a familiar place and surrounded by recognizable people ... the rooms feel vacant, everyone seems foreign, and everything is simply insignificant.  Every minute of every day demonstrates itself to be fragile. The sadness is crushing!

Broken! 

How dare life continue to proceed! …. and yet it does!

Staci and Brian are not only left to grieve the loss of Sweet Baby Audrey and the life they dreamed to provide and share with her; but now they are being bombarded with a plethora of medical bills which are filing in from all of the unexpected anti partum and NICU services.

If you are monetarily in a position to assist Staci and Brian at this time of both emotional and financial burden, the gift of your generous donation – no matter how large or small - would be ever so appreciated. If you are not in a position to do so, please lift your voice to God, and ask Him to embrace Brian, Staci, and our families with His perfect comfort!  The gift of your prayers mean just as much, and will be appreciated just the same.       

On behalf of Staci, Brian, and our families, I want to thank you – each and every one of you – for your love, support, prayers, and presence. None of what you have given during this journey has been in vain!

Baby Audrey provoked our hearts to love deeper, inspired our spirits to pray more passionately, and moved our souls to respond with a more profound sense of compassion. This sweet soul who only kissed the earth, but for a brief time, changed us! This little girl motivated us to become emotionally & spiritually wealthier! This child reunited families, built community, healed relationships, and helped to reprioritize our lives.  Without a single doubt, Baby Audrey has instilled, within us, the essence of her soul’s beauty; and her spiritual presence will continue to influence our lives forevermore.



Indefinitely indebted to each of you!

Affectionately,

Beth Daigle