My name is Gary, and my journey has been shaped by a childhood surrounded by addiction and hardship at a very young age. My father and his brother struggled with drug use from a young age, and I was exposed to that world early on. Both my parents were drug manufacturers and, when that ended in the U.S., they became drug traffickers. I lived with them after becoming 18, and I was already disabled and developing schizophrenia at 19 from childhood drug use with them while I was in foster care as a teenager. Even before that, my dad gave it to me when I was much younger than my mom did, and at age 5. He did drugs as a little kid, too. As much as I loved my parents, I also struggled with the pain and consequences of what I went through. I couldn't get away from them, and my disabilities made it impossible to work or leave, or even do school.

When I tried to get on SSDI in 2019, I faced more obstacles—my aftercare caseworker didn't know the process, wasn't willing to do the paperwork, and there was no shelter that could take me for the year long wait to get on disability in Idaho, or so I was sure then. I was too mentally handicapped to do anything at all anyway. I was stuck, unable to find help or escape, and even after years of police involvement, nothing changed. Schizophrenia, and developmental disability was truly debilitating.

Despite these struggles, I have always wanted to help others who feel the same sense of helplessness. I know firsthand how difficult it is to recover, both mentally and physically, and how important it is to have the right support and information. I don't believe in approaches like accountability talks, or somebody being the problem because they're choosing it for themselves. I am traumatized by that sort of thing. I could never do anything different with my condition the way it was. Today, it's similar, but I'm more successful in life. I think there's physical reasons in people's brains that prevent them from succeeding, and it's not help people get from traditional approaches. Understanding what goes on in somebodies brain, and the tricks to get around it, really help, and I spent years doing that. A physical therapy is what I always knew I needed for my brain, and I've lived six years with untreated paranoid/schizophrenia so far, today.

I never could stay on antipsychotics because of an intolerance meth could make that could last for years. That's why I'm starting a business opportunity that can outreach into something more, and that can focus on healthy habits, products, and sharing real-life experiences, eventually. My goal is to create a stable foundation for a business that can manufacture or create healthy-related products, provide mental health relations with advertising, brand names, designs, etc. and offer real solutions for people facing similar challenges. That is my idea, and I'm dedicated to put the money towards a food truck, or a home manufacture industry. I'm dedicated to working small time business with cleaning houses, and sitting dogs, and kids. Maybe whatever needs to be done is a job somewhere to start, and self sufficience is my goal on that matter.

This fundraiser is my shot in the dark—a chance to turn my story into something positive and impactful. With your support, I hope to invest in a business opportunity that can grow and reach people who could really use the things I've learned. Whether it's through donations, sharing this fundraiser, sponsorships, or partnerships, every bit of help brings me closer to creating a space where people can find hope, motivation, and the tools they need to change their lives. Thank you for believing in me, and I hope you believe that I can really do this. Maybe I could write a book one day.

I was motivated by the idea of investing my money I make from my SSDI to start a business, and it was with early ideas of going to New York to live, before I was even on SSDI, and when I took a bus there with only SSDI income, and with no idea where I'd sleep, it worked out really well. I had spending money the months I was there in New York staying at the shelters. I could afford really nice things for myself. I can do this with any city in the U.S. I figured, and am going to see all the States. I can put that money into a business opportunity, and assets which I do believe is possible for anybody with money. (If you didn't know, you can be taken care of by bigger cities, and still keep your income you make without spending it on housing.) I think I know how I want to start all of it, and the food business is one of the easier ones to do here in Idaho, but I want it to be multisourced. I want to reach people, and have lots of options, and things to do, and learn lots of skills that I don't know. I have a story that goes with me. I know that I can really do something with it, too. I have a drive, too, from everything I've been through to work, or make progress, or stay busy that really helps me, and especially when I have the resources to travel.

My schizophrenia is likely to remain untreated because I can't take antipsychotics, and the prescription I want, my insurance won't pay for. I can try for other things, and I do, but I want specifically something for hallucinations. You wouldn't be able to tell I'm schizophrenic normally, but it's combined with developmental disability, and the type of stories I have today about my mental health are not commonly heard about, and I bet you won't hear them in many other places. It is a condition where my memories play again in my head like they're happening all over again, and I will act in them like they are at times. It's really indepth memory loops, and they very commonly shape my life decisions. I'm always reliving my life six years ago at the grocery store, or at home. My shopping trips are the same, and a lot of the time. That's all my schizophrenia is, is constant memory. It's good stuff to know sometimes. I had to relearn my whole life again from schizophrenia, and memory loops because I never knew any of it. I never even knew I used drugs at as young of an age I did, and I never knew I was ever violent in my life, and my childhood was, and my childhood was meth overdoses because I'd get mad at my family, and swallow their entire bag of drugs, and I'd do that all the time until at the age of around ten, I had a really bad condition of meth induced torrets, and I couldn't stop touching people where I shouldn't, and I already had seen it like that before around 6, or 7, as bad as the torrets. It's a lot like reliving memories where you're in violent fights all the time, fighting them like you're in invisible fights, and hearing all the conversations I've ever had again. I'm not a violent person anymore, but I was as a kid, and it's all memories that you relive, and you have to physically respond in the memories like they're happening for the first time again. In a way, it keeps you from being outrageously delusional about what you're hearing, knowing it's real memories. In a way, it's like living all the delusions you had six years ago when none of it's around anymore. It is all the life I've lived before in my schizophrenia, and it isn't easily, or really treatable, but I still get things accomplished in my life. In a way, it's like having a good memory, but overall, the condition wreaks havoc on the brain, and body.

The medication I was fighting for was Cobenfy, a new one, and I pray that I get it. God bless <3 Depakote is what I can take now, and maybe I can get on more medication that could produce feelings of calmness.

***DISCLAIMER***

It's a really funny story, too, that I've actually done this fundraiser before, and it's part of my memory loops that I have. My entire life is a memory loops, and this happens all the time. The last fundraiser I did, I was in a terrible place, and had to use the money on food. This time, it can all go into savings like I wanted, and I can save for what I'm really ready for, and it's the business I wanted. My parents aren't in my life anymore, and I'm not unable to save this money because I couldn't be well enough to process obtaining a bank account. I have one! My entire life is a memory loop, and I can't wait for the day that it changes, these days.

Pictures of my parents, traveling, and me.